Down This Darkened Path
by xJasper-Jazulix
Summary: Human AU. College. Jasper is an ex-member of the feared Diamond Gang, only in school because her ex-gf made her. Lapis is in a good relationship, but struggles daily with her identity. When Jasper comes onto her at a party, it sets Lapis' life spiraling out of control, and only Jasper can seem to pull her back. M for violence, sexual content, language, alcohol, dark thoughts
1. Chapter 1

Jasper was not having a good day. Saying that it wasn't good, was also a complete understatement. Her girlfriend had been caught cheating on her, and to cope with that fact she had been sitting in her apartment downing shots of vodka.

Jasper had an anger problem, so if she had been mildly irritated before, she was now completely ticked off. She squeezed the empty bottle in her fist until the glass shattered, piercing her flesh and slicing it wide open.

The pain felt great. It took away the heartbreak buried under her rage. She pulled a chunk of the crystalline glass from her palm, and slid it down her arm; the feeling of the warm liquid trickling down her fingertips made her feel elated. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, enjoying the release of endorphin's into her brain.

The high she felt didn't last long. No, she really needed to get her blood pumping. She pulled the rest of the glass pieces from her palm, and found some gauze to wrap around her arm. She grabbed her keys off her bookshelf, knocking over a photo onto the floor.

She picked it up and looked at it for a second before snapping the frame in half, and shredding the photo into tiny little pieces. She sat in her car, and went to start it. She paused, and instead put the keys in her pocket and got out of the vehicle. Where she was going, she didn't need the car. She was too drunk to drive anyway.

She shoved her hands into the pockets of her black denim skinny jeans, and stared at her converse clad feet while she walked. She turned down a dark alleyway between two large apartment complexes.

"Jasper!"

The large, muscular woman turned slightly, and stared right at her ex-girlfriend, Peridot. Peridot pushed her black wayfarer's against her nose, and stared at the ground.

Jasper fully turned to face the blonde woman who caused her to drink so profusely. She hated herself for falling so hard for that pathetic nerd; for allowing herself to be weak enough to be broken so easily.

"What the _hell_ do you want?" She growled, clenching her fists and glaring at her ex.

"Have you been drinking? Why are your arms all bandaged up...?"

"What do _you_ care? Get the fuck outta here before I beat your face in."

"See, that's exactly why this happened. You never want to talk about anything, you only ever want to fight. Those fists aren't going to carry you through college, or through life. They'll definitely get you thrown into prison though, if that's what you want!" Peridot chastised her.

Jasper gritted her teeth and ran at Peridot. Something grabbed her around the waist and slammed her back against the cold ground. She grabbed hold of a steel-toed boot and pulled, causing her attacker to go down to the ground next to her.

She jumped up, and saw her attacker as Almandine, the person she was looking for.

Almandine was feared in this neighborhood for being a ruthless antagonist. She hassled younger kids, and beat the shit out of anyone who crossed paths with her. She was built smaller than Jasper, but she was quicker and used Jasper's size against her when they fought.

"What's up, dike?" Almandine cussed, standing up and taking a fighting stance. She flipped her cherry-colored hair out of her face and clenched her fists.

"The fuck did you just call me?"

"DIKE. I believe it accurately describes your love for carpet-munching. Also explains why you're so hard up all the time."

Jasper slugged her left fist directly into Almandine's jaw, feeling the skin slough off her knuckles. The other woman was hardly fazed. She countered with a kick into Jasper's side, before uppercutting her in the jaw. Jasper stumbled backwards, before falling to one knee in front of the other woman.

"Y.D sends her regards." Almandine kicked Jasper in the head; her skull hit the pavement and she lost consciousness.

Xxx

Jasper's eyes fluttered open. She expected to be laying in the middle of the street still. She wasn't. She was actually laying on her own couch with a pillow under her head and a blanket pulled over her.

"What the fuck..." She sat up, and felt her head. Every wound on her body was bandaged. That didn't stop her head from feeling like it was going to explode though.

"You're awake!" A voice from her small kitchen called, startling her. She turned her face and laid eyes on a truly beautiful sight.

An extremely attractive woman stood in her kitchen, smiling warmly back at her. The woman came into the living room, giving her a better view. This girl had short shoulder length blue hair, and gorgeous azure blue eyes. Her skin was pearly white and flawless. She tucked her hair behind her ear nervously as Jasper looked her over.

"Hi, I bet you're wondering why I'm in your apartment..." The girl said softly.

"Actually yeah, what the hell?"

"Sorry I..."

"Get out!" Jasper yelled, causing the girl to jump a little.

"I was just..."

Jasper grabbed the girl by her scrawny wrists and drug her to the door. She opened it and shoved her out, slamming the door in her face. She dead bolted the door and slumped against it, putting her face in her hand.

What was a beautiful girl like that doing in _her_ apartment? She almost felt bad for tossing her out, but _she_ was the one who had trespassed. She hated seeming weak in front of people, especially pretty girls...

The beefy twenty year old college sophomore went to the couch and plopped down on it, kicking her feet up onto the coffee table. She knocked over old beer cans and pizza boxes. Now that she thought about it, that blue haired girl seemed familiar...

xxx

Jasper found herself sitting in her required American Literature class, staring at the back of the blue haired girl's head. It was two months in and she never noticed her siting there. She was soon reminded why.

Peridot sat behind her, and Jasper felt her eyes burning in the back of her head. The only reason she was even in college was because Peridot made her go so they could be together. Having a nerd as a girlfriend was very handy, seeing as how she had done all her homework for her.

"Jasper." The professor called her out, and everyone turned to look at her, except for the blue haired girl.

"Sup."

"I know you think this isn't worth your time. Maybe you should just leave my classroom. It's not worth _my_ time to try and teach you."

"Whatever." Jasper stood, kicked her desk into the wall and slinked out of the classroom. She ran her hand through her hair, feeling the undercut she had gotten earlier in the week.

If life was determined to shit on her, she was gonna at least enjoy herself while she still could.

Sh took herself out to the back of the building next to the dumpsters, where a group of stoners hung out all the time. A short, curvy girl with lavender colored hair noticed her and waved her over.

"Yo, J-Squad! Long time no see!"

"Amethyst." She fist pounded the smaller girl and was handed a half-smoked joint. She took a drag and held it in, passing and breathing out a puff of smoke. A tall skinny boy took it; he had skull shaped plugs in his ears.

"So, did you hear about the party at Buck's? They're gonna have beer kegs and lots of tequila." Amethyst said, cracking her knuckles and stretching.

"No, I didn't. What about the cops?"

"Buck's Dad is outta town on some business trip, no one's calling the cops tonight."

"Sweet. I'll be there."

xxx

Jasper arrived at Buck's party that night and went straight to the back cupboard for the hard liquor. Before anyone could say anything, she had downed enough tequila to knock a grown man on his ass; she also took the time to fill up a flask and shove it in her shirt.

She felt great. Nothing could kill her buzz at this point, not even Peridot's cold stares from the opposite end of the house.

Then, she felt herself thrown against a wall, and she focused her gaze on the one who attacked her.

"Hey lesbo, I thought I left you for dead last night." Almandine hissed, pinning Jasper against the wall with her arm across her neck.

"Fuck... off..." She managed to groan. Luckily for her, the alcohol was giving her no filter, and jump-started an adrenaline rush. She pushed back against the red-headed bully, and dodged away under some server's arms. She could hear Almandine yelling for her, but she managed to get outside.

She sat against the wall of the house and sighed to herself. She took a swig of drink from her flask. The warming liquid ran straight through her body, and settled in her groin. She suddenly felt extremely horny.

"You know, you shouldn't cut yourself."

Jasper gulped and looked up at the blue-haired girl from her lit class. She had a really concerned look on her face, and she was so damned cute.

"Oh, and breaking into someone's home is better?" She retorted, standing up and meeting her gaze.

A blush rose to the girl's cheeks, and she tucked her hair behind her hair nervously.

"Buck and I were walking home from the movies and we saw you there in the alley. I couldn't just leave you, you were badly injured... Besides, I knew where you lived, and you don't apparently lock your door..."

Jasper impulsively grabbed hold of the girl's wrist, and she let out a little yelp.

"Come here, brat. What's your name anyway?"

"L-Lapis! Lapis Lazuli. And that hurts! What are you doing?"

Jasper shoved Lapis against the wall and pressed her thick lips against the other's thinner ones. Electricity pulsed through her body, and the drunken stupor threatened to take over. She brushed her hand against Lapis' breast, and the smaller woman squirmed against her.

Lapis ripped her wrist away and jabbed her elbow into Jasper's ribs, causing her to cringe in pain and clutch her side. She watched as Lapis' eyes brimmed with tears and she clenched her fists. She turned and ran back into the house, leaving Jasper alone, sulking in her misery.


	2. Chapter 2

Jasper finally sobered up the next day around noon. Her head pounded with the aftermath effects of alcohol, and she could feel her heart beating a little faster than usual.

She drug herself out of bed and into the bathroom. When she saw her reflection in the mirror, she felt sick. Honestly, she thought she looked like shit. She had bags under her eyes, bruises on her cheeks, and seriously needed to wash her hair.

She started with a hot shower, letting the pressurized water ease her tense muscles. She looked down at the scabbed over cuts on her forearm, and felt stupid for doing that to herself. Those were definitely going to leave scars.

She suddenly remembered the kiss. That horribly wonderful kiss that sent shivers down her spine... but absolutely terrified the one she had kissed. Lapis Lazuli... The girl with the blue hair who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. If ever there would have been a minuscule chance to get to know that girl, Jasper had basically blown it last night. She had practically molested the poor girl, because she couldn't control her damned _urges_. Especially when she was drunk.

Lapis probably hated her; she wouldn't blame her though. She hated herself.

Jasper went through her usual hygienic routine, tending to her cuts with antibiotic ointment and bandaging. She threw on a sports-bra and a tight black tank-top before shimmying into her skinny jean's and converse shoes.

She looked up at her clock, and saw it was 1:15 pm. Her classes started at 2; even though she really didn't want to go, she figured she might as well finish out the semester.

She grabbed her keys and wallet, and headed out to her car. When she reached the door, the keys dropped from her hand and she punched the window. In big red letters someone wrote 'This car belongs to a dyke.' She could just about guess who wrote it too.

She trudged back into her apartment and filled up a bucket with soapy water. She scrubbed at the paint on her window, thinking about how much she wanted to slit Almandine's throat.

When she finally arrived at school, she had actually made it 5 minutes early. She was the first one in the room. Her professor gave her a surprised look, but didn't say a single word to her. She sat in her usual spot, and waited as the students trickled in.

She turned her head towards the door to see Lapis enter, her arms stuffed with books. The blue-haired woman went straight to the professor's desk and spoke to him.

"I'm sorry Miss Lazuli. Seating is final for the rest of the semester." She heard him say.

Did she just ask him if she could sit somewhere else? She stared at Lapis as she cautiously made her way towards her. Jasper's golden eyes fell upon the girl's wrist, seeing that it was a very dark shade of purple.

 _Holy shit,_ she thought to herself. Was she the one who did that to her? She put her forehead in her hands and glared at her desk. She didn't think it was possible to hate herself more, but she apparently liked proving herself wrong.

 _ **LAPIS**_

Lapis Lazuli dreaded going to school today. She requested to switch seats with someone else, but the professor denied her request. So, she found herself sitting in her usual spot, paranoid about the woman sitting behind her.

Everyone knew about Jasper, the big buff lesbian who liked alcohol, drugs and beating the shit out of people. She wasn't exactly known for the blatant bullying that people like Almandine did, but that didn't mean that everything else she did atoned for her behavior. She liked to pick fights against people she obviously could not win against.

One of those people of course _had_ to be Almandine, the self proclaimed bully on campus. It was as if that woman never left high school, and was hell bent on driving everyone into the dirt. Everyone became that red-haired woman's target, except for Lapis, because she was safely dating Buck Dewey, the son of the richest man in town.

Hanging around Buck's inner circle, Lapis had heard many things about what goes on between their classmates. Apparently, Jasper and Peridot dated for a whole year before Jasper walked in on her and a girl named, (Actually, she couldn't remember her name. It might have been Cuprite), having sex. It caused Jasper to delve into the bottom of a tequila bottle, which apparently made her even harder to deal with.

She found herself completely ignoring the professor, and focusing on the kiss from the previous night. Jasper had been so drunk, she had tasted the tequila on her mouth when their lips had connected. She touched her lip subconsciously, until her eyes fell across the bruise on her wrist. It was a harsh reminder that the kiss meant nothing, and she needed to stop thinking about it. She was with Buck, and she wasn't attracted to women.

Yet, why did she continue to think about those lips of hers?

She looked up at the clock, and saw that class was ending. Did she really just waste an entire period thinking about that brutish woman?

She collected her things, and stood; happily surprised to see Jasper wasn't sitting there anymore.

As she walked down the hallway, she saw Almandine and Buck chatting in front of their closed classroom door. She approached them, and they stopped talking when she reached earshot.

She attempted to hook her hand around Buck's arm, but he stepped away from her and gave her a piercing look.

"Buck, what's wrong?"

"What, the baby dyke thinks she can just walk up to us now? After what you did?" Almandine stepped forward, and evil grin stretching across her face.

"Excuse me?" She felt her heart jump at the word 'dyke.' She backed up into the wall, as Almandine cornered her with her large frame.

"I can't believe you would do this to me..." Buck said, his eyes shining with obvious hurt.

"I don't understand what's going on."

"It's over Lapis. That's what's going on. I thought we had something, but I guess I was wrong. I don't ever want to see you around me again." Buck stuck his hands in his pockets and turned away, leaving her at the mercy of Almandine.

"I suggest you think about leaving this campus, slut, because girls like you won't last long here." The large red-head growled, turning on her heel and leaving.

Lapis clutched her chest, and bent over; a strong feeling of nausea filling her gut. Buck just broke up with her, right? No, that didn't make any sense, why would he do that? No, whatever just happened was a mistake, she had just heard him wrong.

She slowly made her way down to the food court, thinking about getting something to eat before her next class. That's when she noticed people giggling and pointing at her as she walked past them. She passed the announcement Bulletin Board, and felt her heart attempt to jump right out of her throat. She was staring at a large blown up photo of Jasper kissing her from last night. She now had clarity as to why Buck broke up with her.

"Look, it's the bitch who broke Buck's heart!" Someone from a nearby table shouted, pointing at her.

She tucked her chin into her chest, and walked away hurriedly, running right into someone because she wasn't paying attention. She looked up and saw a fluffy white mane of hair directly in front of her.

The large woman turned with her fist in the air, but lowered it immediately when she made eye contact with her. Could this day get any worse?

"L-Lapis! I'm..."

"Just stop! You are the last person I wanted to talk to today! Do you have any idea what you've done? My life is ruined..." Her hands were shaking, and she couldn't stop herself from crying.

"I didn't want this to happen..."

Lapis turned and ran, dropping a small black notebook, refusing to listen to what that _woman_ had to say. She entered the women's bathroom and sat in the stall closest to the wall, and just bawled.

 **JASPER**

Jasper picked the small black notebook up and tucked it into her shirt. She ripped the photo down off the board, and crumpled it up into a mess of paper, shoving it deep into the trash can. She also made like she was gonna slug the boy in the face who called out to Lapis earlier, but the fear in his eyes was enough to stop herself from hitting a defenseless dweeb.

She had really fucked up this time. The poor girl had been dumped because of her. She never wanted that. She didn't really know what she wanted, but ruining a nice girl like her was not it.

She paid for a cheeseburger and started cramming it in her mouth as she ventured towards her next class. She managed to ignore the usual insults people muttered under their breath when they saw her, spotting her small lavender haired friend among the crowd of people.

"Yo Jasper, we have to talk." Amethyst grabbed her hand and pulled her off into an empty classroom.

"What's up?" She asked, leaning against one of the desks.

"Well what's up is that you never told me you and Lapis were an item! And so soon after Peridot? Damn girl! I thought there were no secrets between us!" Amethyst whined, jealousy was obvious in her voice.

"That's because we're not a thing. I was wasted and came onto her at Buck's party like a fucking horny animal! I'm a moron. You saw that bruise on her wrist right? Yeah, that was my fault. I'm gonna kill whoever took that picture and plastered it all over the damn school."

"Yeah, okay. That's why Buck is telling everyone that after their date she went to your place and 'spent the night.'"

"The fuck? That's the biggest bullshit... Wait, Buck said that? Why?"

Amethyst looked around, and spoke to her in hushed tones. "Well between us, I heard it was because Lapis turned down his advances at the party. I overheard Almandine saying that he tried to bed her, and she said no. He must be blue-balling pretty hard. Then, a picture of you two kissing just happens to show up around the school... and I'm pretty sure everyone who owns a cellphone has had it sent to them. That bitch probably made him believe that she was into girls, and that's why she wouldn't have sex with him."

"I don't get why it's any of their business!" Jasper turned, and punched the wall.

"Well, it's everyone's business when you happen to have the most homophobic bitch around roaming your college hallways."

"This shit was supposed to stop when we left high school. College was supposed to be different."

"Who are you kidding? College here, is high school 2.0." Amethyst sighed, and peeked out in the hallway.

"So, did you talk to Pearl yet?" Jasper changed the subject, eliciting a blush from Amethyst's plump cheeks.

"Are you kidding me, a prude like her would never..."

Jasper saw a flash of blue hair fly past her peripherals, and shoved Amethyst out of the way so she could peek down the hallway. Lapis ran to the utility hallway and disappeared inside. That was where the access to the roof was.

"Where did she go!" Almandine screamed, running past the classroom as well. Jasper ran out and slugged her in her nose, feeling it crack beneath her knuckles.

"What did you do!?" She bellowed.

Almandine wiped the blood from her nostril and looked Jasper over.

"I don't know if you have a wish to die or what, Jasper, but I'm not playing with you today. Now fuck off." She shoved past Jasper, but the yellow eyed woman grabbed her and pulled her back.

"Come on Jasper, why do you care about that little skank anyway? It's not like she could truly fall in love with you."

Jasper shoved her knee up into Almandine's lower back, and wrapped her bicep around her neck, bringing the other woman to the ground. The surge of strength she felt was due to the immense amount of anger boiling up inside of her; Almandine didn't even have a chance to fight her back. She gasped for air and clawed at Jasper's arm, but she squeezed even tighter.

"That's enough Jasper, she can't breathe!" Amethyst screeched, as Almandine's nails ripped into her flesh.

She released Almandine, and looked down at her as she gasped for air. She thought it strange that the normally aggressive woman wasn't fighting her back. She looked down the hall and saw security walking towards them. She turned an bolted towards the utility hall, before he could take notice of her. She wondered where Lapis had gone, and she saw little drops of blood heading up the stairs. She followed them up, and up, until she came to the door to the roof. She peeked through the window before opening the door carefully.

Lapis Lazuli was standing on the edge of the roof, staring down at the dumpsters below, like she was contemplating whether or not to throw herself off the building. She heard the door open, and turned to make eye contact with her.

"Oh. It's you." She said with disappointment.

Jasper couldn't believe her eyes. She wasn't looking at the same woman who had taken her to her apartment a few nights ago. She didn't even look like the girl she had talked to only half an hour ago.

This girl looked half dead. She looked like she was broken and lost. This girl's once life-filled eyes now reflected like mirrors; cold and emotionless. Her eye was black and blue, and her lip was cracked and bleeding. Her pretty blue sundress was tattered and torn, like someone had abused her.

She couldn't find any words to say to the girl. If Lapis would have just let her rot in the street that one night, none of this would have ever happened. No, that wasn't entirely true. It wasn't Lapis' fault. If Jasper wouldn't have come on to her at the party...

Lapis turned around and hovered her foot over the void, like she was testing the waters. Jasper's reaction was to lunge towards her, but if she did that, Lapis would probably teeter over the edge to her death.

"Don't try and stop me." Lapis said in a monotone voice.

"Lapis, I'm sorry! This is all my fault. If I wouldn't have been such a moron... Please don't do it. If you come down, I'll go straight to Buck and explain everything to him; and..." She bit her lip. "I'll never come back to this school again."

Lapis pulled her foot back, and turned to look at her.

"It's too late."

"It's never too late!"

"I'm sorry."

Jasper clenched her teeth. "Now you're the one who's being a fucking idiot!" Jasper stomped her foot on the ground, watching Lapis' face twist from a blank expression, to one full of fear. "Fine. Go ahead and kill yourself. Who am I, of all people, to stop you?" The laugh Jasper let out sounded crazed and hysterical. "I mean, just two nights ago I was attempting to off myself, so I'm not exactly the best role-model.." She pulled her bandages off and showed Lapis the scars adorning her forearms.

Lapis was speechless.

"Fuck. Fuck..." Jasper mumbled, gripping her hair in her own hands. The pain was coming back, and it wasn't a good time. She pulled out her flask, and chugged the rest of the tequila she still had in it.

She slumped against the ledge, and hung her arms at her side. She felt so terrible, so helpless, so completely stupid...

"I've dealt with the bullshit for so long... Sometimes it's hard to remember what it was like to be truly happy. I guess at the end there... I can see why Peridot left me.." Alcohol was turning her into a rambler. "I mean... did you see Cuprite? She's beautiful, smart, thin; even with the broken arm I gave her. I'm just a fuck up. All I ever do is _fuck everything up._ Then a beautiful, nice girl like you tries to help me and I..." Jasper opened her eyes and saw Lapis standing in front of her, no longer dancing with the idea of death.

Lapis took Jasper's larger face between both hands and kissed the rambling alcoholic. They stayed together like that for a few long seconds, before Lapis pulled away, covering her mouth with a hand. She gasped.

"I shouldn't have... I'm so sorry..." Lapis ran to the door, and disappeared inside.

Jasper fingered her lips, wondering if what just happened was real or not.


	3. Chapter 3

Lapis was pacing back and forth in her dorm room, hand clutching her head as she thought about what she had just done.

"Great going Lapis! Your boyfriend dumps you, Almandine beats you up, and what do you do? You kiss the woman who caused all the trouble in the first place! Stupid!"

Why did she kiss her? Was it because Jasper's brainless rambling actually made her feel sorry for the larger woman? Or was it because for a split second they weren't two opposing forces in the universe, but one singular force experiencing the same path of life? No, no it had to be because she was confused from the extreme emotional state she was in.

Her phone started to ring a familiar tune. She picked it up, and put it back down when she saw it was Buck who was calling her. She looked at her face in her body length mirror, lightly touching the discolored flesh.

After crying it out in the bathroom earlier, she had gathered her senses and went out the front door of the building to get some fresh air. Almandine had seen her, and had flicked her cigarette at a freshman who walked by.

Before she could even think about running inside, she had a fist in her face and a hand around her neck. She remembered how her dress had ripped when the red-haired woman smeared her into the ground. She wondered what in the world could have happened to that girl to make her so violent towards her. She could have been abused, or hurt, or maybe she was just a bitch.

She also remembered all the people who just stood there and watched. All the people who were happy that someone else was being targeted besides themselves for once. It made Lapis feel angry.

Her phone rang again, and she slammed her hand against the mirror, sobbing loudly and ignoring the call. She went into her bathroom and dabbed her eye with some hydrogen peroxide. The prickling coldness of the liquid cleared her mind.

She was satisfied with her first aid, and put the brown bottle down. She went back into her bedroom and crawled into her bed, cuddling with her stuffed bear and her fuzzy blanket.

Usually when Lapis had a dream, she couldn't remember what it was about. It was usually just vague shapes and colors, nothing tangible, nothing important...

This time her dream was so lucid, she could smell the lilacs that grew outside her window. She recalled the taste of tequila on Jasper's breath, and how kissing Buck didn't feel anywhere near as good as kissing Jasper.

Lapis thought of that woman's toned muscles, and her wildly intense phosphorescent eyes. She thought of how her hair cradled her face and made her look so intimidating.

Before she knew it her lips were melded into hers again, her fingers tangled in that wild mane; Jasper holding her close with those strong arms, her hand running up her body...

Lapis snapped awake and sat up so fast in her bed; she rolled onto the floor in a mess of blankets. She cursed her brain for her crazy dream, and rushed into the bathroom to take a cold shower. All these feelings were strange and made no sense whatsoever. Besides the fact that Jasper was a woman, the brute had hurt her. Physically, and emotionally. She didn't know anything about her, except for a few small details she had safely observed from her spot in her American Lit class.

As she let the icy cold water beat against her skin, she found herself lost in her thoughts. Lapis always prided herself in getting through life with nothing but kindness towards other people. She also tried to stay out of the limelight, bringing as little attention to herself as possible. Now she found herself thrust upon it, losing the constant battle of self-awareness she had been fighting for years.

If her parents ever found out about those kisses... They would probably pull her funding. She'd be disowned, hated, and a lot of other things she really didn't want to think about.

She stepped out of the shower and dried herself off. She checked the clock and saw it was 12:45pm. She still had an hour and fifteen minutes before she had to be to class. She sat at her desk and searched through her notebooks, looking for her small black one.

"I swear I had it..."

A slow realization was made, as she remembered that she dropped something in the food court yesterday. Shit.

 **JASPER**

Jasper woke up in a puddle of her own drool. She had slept so hard, she couldn't even guess at what time it was. She pushed her hair out of her face and propped herself up on one elbow. Her eyes focused onto the lit screen of her phone, telling her she had received a text message. She reached over and checked to see who it was from.

 **'I did not know that was what happened. Almandine made it seem like you and her were doing stuff behind my back.'** It was a text from Buck Dewey.

 **'Dude. I was so wasted that night. You know me. Can't keep my hands off pretty girls. Sorry bro.'** She texted back.

She was going to keep her word. Once she knew Lapis was safely back in her social circle, she was going to go out and party, and drop out of college. She'd move back home and help her mom raise her younger sibling, since her Dad was too much of an asshole to actually stay and help.

She wasn't going to lie, she was interested in that girl, in getting to know her. But that could just be because she felt so lonely, and she didn't want to feel that way anymore. Lapis could have just been the first pretty girl that walked by her, that she just sucked up into her drama like a tornado.

Her phone vibrated.

 **'Thanks for letting me know, I'll talk to her.'**

Good. Hopefully this would make that girl happy; being with the boy she loved rather than chased by a big scary lesbian.

Jasper rolled over on her side, and saw the little black notebook she had picked up yesterday after Lapis ran off. She picked it up, and sat up with her back against the headboard. She turned her crappy two-dollar lamp on and flipped open to the first page.

 _Aug 6th_

 _My therapist tried to tell me that the things I feel are natural, not something I needed to be afraid of. But how can I not be afraid? It's **not** natural. She told me that if I refused to acknowledge who I am, then I should at least keep a journal to help myself 'cleanse.' So, here is my first entry._

 _I am Lapis Lazuli, and I am **not** a lesbian. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Maybe, if I keep repeating it, my mind will actually change and believe it. _

_If my parents ever found out about this, they would stop paying for me to go to school; my one ticket out of this hellish life I lead. How do I know that they would disown me?_

 _When I was little, my mom walked in on me kissing a girl. I didn't think anything of it, I just did what felt right. I was 13. She smacked me across the face, and told me that what I did was a sin, and I would go to hell if I continued feeling the way I did._

 _I became depressed, locking myself in my room, slowly losing all my friends._

 _I dated a couple different boys, but I never truly loved any of them. It didn't feel right. That was when I met Buck Dewey._

 _Him and I have been dating for a year now. I actually kinda feel happy for once._

Wow this girl was in some serious denial about liking girls; it blew Jasper's mind. Sure, her own parents hated the fact that she liked girls, but Jasper didn't give a damn. She spent all of her time outside, not cooped up fighting with her parents about tedious things. Boys never interested her, other than wanting to be like them, not put in frilly dresses and playing with dolls like her mother wanted her to.

Then her father left, and she was heartbroken. Her mom had told her that he only needed a small break, but that was 5 years ago. Jasper flipped through the journal, skimming until she landed on an entry for the first day of school.

 _Sep 5th 2:30pm_

 _This is my first day of college, and already temptation lingers at my door. I was unfortunately seated directly in front of this punk chick Jasper Jazu, who of course just happened to be (according to Buck), the biggest lesbian on campus. I don't know why she's torturing herself, this was an extremely conservative school. They don't even have an LGBT center. She's lucky to even be allowed here._

 _I guess she's dating the blonde behind her. Why does that make me feel jealous, I don't even know the girl..._

Jasper couldn't help but smile a little. This whole time, Lapis had actually noticed her. Too bad she had been too busy wasting time with Peridot. A thought suddenly popped into her head, and she skipped forward to an entry dated a couple days ago.

 _I heard a scream in the alleyway tonight. Buck tried to stop me, but I had to see what all the commotion was about. Almandine was there, standing triumphantly over a body lying on the street. She saw us, and ran, probably thinking we were going to call the cops. Not that she would have actually been punished for it anyway._

 _Then I saw **her** lying there, bleeding and helpless, and I couldn't just leave her. Buck told me just to let her be, and that made me angry. I told him to just go home, and I'd see him tomorrow. _

_I don't know where I found the strength to pull that woman to her apartment, all that muscle was heavy, and I wasn't very strong. I knew exactly where she lived, I guess I had become somewhat of a stalker the past couple months._

 _Since you can't see me right now, I'll just tell you that I'm sighing. I'd never seen this woman so calm or peaceful before._

 _That's when I saw the cuts bleeding through the amateur bandaging on her arm. I had peeled it away, seeing the nastiest gashes I had ever seen. Looking around, I saw the broken bottle, stained with her blood, and I was disheartened._

 _I felt such a sadness in my heart that this woman thought she had to end her life, because of the way someone else had treated her. As I cleaned her wounds, my tears had fallen onto her cuts, mixing with her blood. The little droplets dodged each other, until finally mixing, sticking together until I wiped them away._

 _That's when I made up my mind that I wanted to get to know her, I wanted her to know that life was worth living, even if it meant that only one person wanted you around; I wanted to pull this woman from her darkened path... I'll add more when I get home, I think she's waking up._

The words on the pages became smeared as Jasper's tears splattered on the ink. She didn't want to read anymore, she was too afraid to see what she had written next. She didn't want to read about heartbreak, or about how awful she had treated the blue haired girl. Yet, she couldn't pull her eyes away.

 _Well, that was unexpected... but I can't blame her. I was trespassing in her home..._

 _Ugh... I'm going to have to see my therapist again soon._

 _Oct 30th_

 _I am literally freaking out!_

 _That brute kissed me, right on the lips at Buck's party! I just wanted to make small talk; she seemed super angry still about me being in her apartment..._

 _She was super drunk though, I could smell in on her breath. I tasted it when she kissed me. I don't even know what to think at this point. She didn't even know my name. Does that mean that all this time I was the one chasing after her?_

 _Ouch. My wrist really hurts. She had grabbed it so hard, I thought my wrist was going to break from the pressure. She forced herself on me, grabbing me with those big meaty fingers of hers..._

 _The things she could do to me with those fingers..._

Jasper choked on her spit. She reread that last sentence about six times before deciding that it was actually saying what she thought it had said. She felt her cheeks heat up, and leaned down more in her bed.

 _What the heck am I writing! She's an abusive asshole, and she's mean. There's no way it would ever work out. Not that I'm thinking about whether or not we would work out... Because she's a woman, and I'm **not** a lesbian._

"Girl, if you're not a lesbian, then I'm the fucking Head Cheerleader." Jasper groaned, annoyed at this girl's obvious inner turmoil.

She didn't even feel anymore shame for reading the girl's journal. It was very enlightening, like seeing into the depths of someone's soul. Without their permission. It was honestly better that she had found the book; she could only imagine what could have happened if someone like Y.D or Almandine had found it.

She turned the page, seeing that there wasn't much left.

 _1:05 am_

 _Here I lay my sins before God, so that my soul may never act upon these awful desires._

 _I had a dream about her. This will just about summarize how it went:_

 _We were cuddling in her bed, and her strong tattooed arms were around me, our bodies pressed tightly against one another. I was tracing the dragon tattoo on her left arm with my finger, watching the warm colors swirl around her arm and down her fingers. We were naked of course, taking in the sights of each others bodies, and appreciating each others beauty..._

 _That's when she kissed me so passionately, and I melted against her, guiding her hands down my body, across my breasts and against my stomach... I wanted her to taste every inch of me, and I wanted to taste every inch of her. That's when she slipped her..._

Jasper slammed the book shut, and stared at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. She couldn't believe what she was reading. This girl had a sexual fantasy about her, and had written everything about that encounter in gory explicit detail, making Jasper think she was reading an erotic story, not a depressed girl's journal. She fought the urge to continue reading. It was just so _personal._

Her phone vibrated just then, scaring her half to death and killing any sexual feeling she had building up inside of her. She put the journal on her table, and read the text she received.

 **'Yo JJ, the strangest thing happened today. Why weren't you at the gym?'** It was a text from Amethyst.

 **'Tell me what happened."** She sent back.

 **'Well I saw Buck n Lapis talkin n buck left all hurt n stuff. Then Lapis came to me n asked me where u were. So I gave her ur number.'**

 **'WHAT.'** She replied hastily.

 **'I can tell that girl is crushing hard on u.'**

 **'How bout I send that love letter 2 Pearl?'**

 **'YOU WOULDN'T DARE.'**

 **'Seriously tho, she asked about me?'**

 **'Yea man.'**

Jasper held her hand to her chest, clutching her phone tightly. It vibrated again, and she opened it, thinking it was Amethyst again.

 **'Um. Hi, this is Lapis. I think you might have one of my notebooks. Can I have it back?'**

She couldn't believe that Lapis literally just freaking texted her.

 **'I'll be there in about 10 minutes to pick it up.'**

Jasper kicked her blankets off and ran into the bathroom. She tugged the brush through her hair quickly. The prongs were stuck in the parts where the drool had matted her hair together. She washed her face quick and heard a knock on the door. That's when she realized she wasn't even wearing clothes. She dug through her drawer and threw on some panties, and one of her black tank tops. She didn't want the girl to just leave, so she figured she would be happy enough if she didn't answer the door butt naked.

She opened the front door, and found herself unable to look at the girl without glaring at her.

"Um. Hi, did you get my texts?" She asked shyly, looking away when she realized Jasper was in her underwear.

"Yeah, I got em." She grunted in response.

"Can I have it?"

"Why?"

"Because it's mine."

What the hell was she doing? She mentally kicked herself, before stepping aside to let the smaller woman in. Lapis walked past her, the scent of her flowery perfume filling her nose.

Lapis tiptoed around all the garbage and clothes lying on the floor, heading straight towards Jasper's bedroom. The sexual passage from Lapis' journal flitted across her thoughts, making her blush.

"Hey! That's my... Oh."

Lapis had already grabbed her notebook, and was walking back towards the front door. She put her body between her and Lapis' escape.

"Lapis, listen. I'm sorry." She said, crossing one of her arms across her chest and gripping her other arm. Lapis kept her eyes downcast, and remained silent. "I uh... I told Buck the truth. He said he was going to contact you..."

That elicited a reaction from the blue-haired woman.

"He told me. But I turned him down." She said softly.

"What? Why?"

"Not that it's any of _your_ business, but I just think that I need time to focus on my studies. I have a lot of American Lit reading to do tonight, and I don't have time to balance a relationship on top of that, y'know?"

"No, I never had to do any homework in my life."

Jasper watched the smaller woman carefully, her eyes once again falling on the dark purple bruise on her wrist.

"You weren't in class today." Lapis said simply.

"I told you I wasn't going to go back."

"Why."

"Because I don't..." Jasper took a deep breath, and turned her face to the side. "I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want to be the reason you decide to end your life."

Silence.

"You should just go." Jasper stepped out of the way and waited for Lapis to leave.

"You should really consider coming back to class." Lapis retorted, pouting out her lips a little.

As far as she was concerned, Lapis could never know how much Jasper wanted to tell her that she _would_ come back, just to see her. She wanted to pour out her soul right then and there, and whisk the girl away; and beat the shit out of Almandine for hurting her. But then she remembered all the things Lapis still had to lose. If she lost that parental support, it would break her. So, she did what she thought the girl wanted.

"I'm not coming back to class, brat." She said harshly.

"Excuse me?"

"Like I said, I don't want to hurt you, so please, I never want to see you again. I'll be packing my stuff and moving by the end of the week, then you won't ever have to be hurt by me again."

"Jasper that's ridiculous!"

"I'm not going to ask you again. Leave me alone!"

Lapis clenched her fists, and punched Jasper in the arm before stomping angrily out the door. Jasper watched her turn the corner, making it safely out of the ghetto. She rubbed her arm, even though the small punch didn't actually hurt her. She sighed, and closed the door.

 **LAPIS**

What had even just happened? Her emotions were all over the place. She didn't know what to expect when she went to Jasper's apartment, but it definitely wasn't _that_.

That brutish woman actually apologized to her. She kept her word, and had talked to Buck, but Lapis told him she needed to think before making a decision on whether or not to be with him again. The fact that he believed Almandine so quickly really hurt her, she didn't think she could just get back together with him again so easily. She looked down at her phone, and saw she was 5 minutes late for her therapy appointment. She started jogging, luckily for her it wasn't too far away.

"I'm sorry I'm late." She said to the woman sitting at her desk.

"No worries Lapis, nice to see you today."

Lapis spent the next 30 minutes telling her therapist about everything that had happened the last few days. She listened intently, letting her finish before speaking up.

"Sounds to me like you should report that woman to the cops. Let me see your wrist."

Lapis showed her the bruise. She also had her face looked over by this doctor.

"People who hurt others aren't good people to be around. My advice would be to report both Jasper _and_ Almandine to the authorities."

"That's not what I want. Besides, Almandine's mother is the Chief of Police, and lets her get away with everything."

"Well Lapis, I guess the ultimate question is; What _do_ you want?"

Lapis thought about this question, before setting her notebook down and flipping it open to the most recent page. Her hand was shaking. For once in her life, she wrote down the absolute truth:

 _I want to be true to myself._

 _I want to accept who I am._

 _I don't want to lie anymore._

 _I don't want to be afraid._

 _I want to love freely without fear._

 _I want to unbind these shackles_

 _chained by the norms of society,_

 _and fly freely among the stars._

"That's a wonderful choice, Lapis."

"The pain of lying to myself is too much to bear. It might take some time, but I am ready to start the healing process. Then maybe, I'll finally be able to tell her how I really feel."

Her therapist smiled softly at her, and took her hands into her own comfortingly.

"What made you change your mind all of a sudden? I would have thought that with those gang girls attacking you, that you'd want to hide away even more than usual."

"I'm tired of being my own worst enemy. It's like I imprisoned myself, torturing myself everyday with the knowledge that I will never be normal. Well, I'll never be normal in the way my parents want me to be. I'll have to be careful, I'm not ready to tell them yet. Maybe, if they see me happy they'll understand... You would think they would understand, right?" Lapis looked to her therapist for advice.

"This is going to be one of the hardest things you'll ever go through. It's unfortunate that this world makes it that way. Please, always know that my door is always open if you need to talk. Telling your parents is a step down the road, and we'll talk about it when we actually come to it. Also, please be careful around people with self-destructive behavior, Lapis, I don't want to see you sink with a broken ship. You can't change people, only guide them if they actually want your help. What you're feeling is natural, you're attracted to the idea of knowing someone who also experiences the same pains as you. There are plenty of other women in the sea."

Was her therapist right?

"Lapis, this was a good session. Please, continue to write in your journal, and I'll see you next week."

Lapis gathered her things, and left that office with a huge smile on her face. She felt like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. She was so intoxicated with happiness, she didn't realize she had turned down the wrong alleyway.

"Well, well, well. Check it out Y.D."

Lapis' smile faded, and she clenched her fists at the two bullies in front of her. Of _course_ she had to run into Almandine on such a good day. Running into Y.D though, wasn't good since she was actually a gang leader in this side of town.

"Is this that wench you were telling me about, Almandine? The one that kissed Jasper?" Y.D asked quietly, cracking her knuckles.

"Actually," Lapis interrupted, "Jasper kissed me."

"Pfft. Like it matters." Almandine snorted, circling behind Lapis. "I warned you to leave this town, and yet here you are. You must enjoy the abuse."

"No, you know what? I'm done being your punching bag. You guys must hate yourselves so much, to be hurting people the way you do. It's pretty sad. Why don't you go back to 8th grade, and steal someone else's lunch money!"

"Oh ho! This girl has spunk. She obviously doesn't know who she's dealing with. Almandine, hold her down." Y.D stretched her arms out, before sliding diamond encrusted brass knuckles over her knuckles. Lapis' arms were held behind her back, and she suddenly felt her stomach lurch at the sight of the illegal weapon. "It's such a shame to wreck such a pretty face." Y.D swung her arm back, and Lapis shut her eyes tightly.

She was suddenly let go, and she opened her eyes to see why.

Jasper was there, gripping Y.D's arms behind her back, pushing her down into the ground with her knee. Almandine tackled her, which allowed the other woman to get back up on her feet.

Jasper put herself between Lapis and her aggressors.

"What, are you her bodyguard now, punk?" Almandine spat, dusting herself off.

"Lay off! You guys just keep your focus on me!" Jasper hissed.

Y.D stood toe to toe with Jasper, standing literally only an inch shorter than the tattooed, platinum haired woman. They glared at each other, neither one breaking their line of sight. Then, she cuffed Jasper across the face and spit at her feet. Jasper didn't flinch.

"That is the only time I'll show you any mercy, J.J. You should really consider coming back to the gang. Yo Almandine, let's go. I'm hungry." Y.D turned and tromped off, Almandine hesitantly followed her.

Lapis approached Jasper, and saw the damage to her face. The diamond knuckles had left a bright red splotch on her face, and had torn a deep gash across her left cheek. It was bleeding steadily. Jasper seemed dazed.

Lapis took her hand, and pulled her down the street towards a bar. She guided the larger woman to a seat at the counter.

"Ah, Jasper. I'll get you some vodka." The bartender said upon seeing Jasper sitting there.

"She's underage you know." Lapis said with disgust.

"Yeah, but she looks like she needs a drink."

Lapis sighed. "Can I get a warm washcloth, please?"

The bartender handed her a damp cloth and a small bag of ice. Jasper silently watched her as she dabbed at her face, wincing when she pushed on her cheek bone.

Lapis gently put the bag of ice to her face, and Jasper grabbed her wrist. She pulled her arm down and loosened her grip. Lapis met her gaze.

"What were you _doing_ there?" Jasper asked softly.

"I didn't realize where I was. I was lost." She replied quickly.

"Lost, huh."

"You need to ice your face, before it swells up." Lapis pulled her wrist away, and raised it up to Jasper's face again.

"Here Jasper, just lemme know if you need anything else." The bartender said, setting a glass of pure vodka in front of the larger woman.

"Actually, I'd like a drink." Lapis said.

"I.D?"

"Just get her a soda." Jasper groaned.

"No. I want a... I want some vodka too. But with some Sprite."

Both the bartender and Jasper raised their eyebrows at her.

"Aight."

The bartender came back with her drink, and she picked it up, taking a large gulp of it. Jasper sipped on hers, seemingly worried about how much she was going to consume.

"Thank-you." Lapis said, bringing her hand back down into her lap. Jasper blushed, distracting herself with her drink.

"It was nothing." She grunted.

"It wasn't _nothing_."

"Lapis, I read your journal. Well, I read certain parts of it." Jasper blurted out. This time it was Lapis' turn to blush. She shoved her hands into her lap, and fixed her gaze on the center of Jasper's chest.

Jasper leaned in and took her chin in her hand, gently turning her face to look at her.

"If you want to get to know me, now's your chance, because if you say the word, I'll truly leave. Right here, right now. I'm not an idiot. I've been played, and I've hurt you. But I'm not going to let you lead me on either. So, either you want to know me, or you want me to leave."

"I want..."

Lapis rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. So much had happened in one day, she might as well add one more brick to the pile.

"I want to know everything about you, Jasper."

Jasper's face cracked into small smile, making Lapis' heart flutter.

"Well, how about we start with dinner..."

 **I have no idea... I can't even... Someone save me... #Whereisthisevengoingandwhydoilikeit**


	4. Chapter 4

It was finally Friday. Jasper groaned; she couldn't wait for the weekend to start so she could sleep as late as she wanted without worrying about making it on time to scheduled things. Those things being classes, and gym dates with Amethyst.

She had one, no two things to look forward to this weekend. For one, a beautiful girl would be gracing her with her presence, coming over for a few hours to have dinner and hang out. For two, she was going to get a new tattoo on her right bicep. She was super pumped for it.

She sighed at her boring reflection, turning on her electric razor and trimming her undercut. Lapis had placed steri-strips on the gash across her cheek, under her eye, because she was too stubborn to go and have a doctor put stitches in it. She wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. Scars never bothered her.

She stared at the diamond tattoo in the middle of her sternum; a cruel reminder of a life she almost lost. If it weren't for that nerdy ex of hers, she'd still be running the streets for the Diamond Gang. She figured that was at least one good thing that came out of that relationship, if she had nothing else good to say about it.

She washed her face, got dressed, and packed up the things she would need for class. Lapis talked to the professors, who agreed to allow Jasper to remain in classes if she promised to do extra assignments to catch up. She was lucky, most professors would be glad to get rid of her; telling her she was shit out of luck. She opened her front door, to see Lapis standing there like she was just about to knock.

"Oh, hi." Lapis smiled.

 _So cute..._ Jasper thought, running her hand through her hair.

"I just thought I'd hitch a ride to school with you, if you don't mind. I was visiting the area, and would rather not walk back in the off chance that Almandine is roaming the streets."

Jasper sighed, closing the door behind her and locking it. She motioned for Lapis to follow her, and they both climbed into Jasper's little red Chevy Cavalier.

"Ah, so you drive a stick shift? I myself have never driven one." Lapis said while buckling herself in.

"Yeah, it was cheaper at the time. I like to pretend it saves a little on gas too." Jasper responded simply. She started the car, but the engine immediately killed. That was unusual. It was a good little car that never had any problems. She started again, and it purred softly. She exhaled, smiling at her little baby.

The drive to school was quiet. Several times Jasper looked over at the girl sitting in her passenger seat, only to find she was peacefully gazing out the window, watching the traffic.

"So, question." Jasper uttered awkwardly, breaking the silence.

"Hm?" Lapis looked over at her.

"So, you're gonna come hang out Saturday, and I was wondering if you'd want to come with me to get my tattoo?"

"You're getting another one?"

"What do you mean _another_ one, you don't even know how many I have!" Jasper stated, pulling into a parking spot on the campus.

"How many _do_ you have?"

Jasper blushed, getting out of the car without answering. Lapis caught up to her, and kept the pace next to her.

"Well?" Lapis reiterated.

"I guess maybe you'll never know." She snapped, picking up the pace. They walked swiftly towards their building with absolutely no hassling. That was weird.

All during the class, Jasper couldn't concentrate on anything but the singular nagging feeling in the back of her mind that something was wrong. She pulled her phone out, and started writing a text to Amethyst.

 **'No sign of Almandine today? Have u seen her?'**

She closed her eyes, her brain starting to pulse angrily at her. Being hot-headed like she was, she often had random bouts of rage over the simplest of things. Why did it piss her off so much that Almandine hadn't been waiting for her? Probably because she wanted her chance to kick her ass for what she had done to Lapis.

Lapis turned around and straddled the back of her chair. She tapped her blue painted nails on the desk, gaining Jasper's attention. She lifted her head; eyes darting up to meet hers, but not before noticing for the first time how low cut Lapis' dress was today. Her face heated, and she bit her bottom lip nervously.

"Are you okay?" Lapis asked innocently, tugging her top up subconsciously, much to her dismay.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

 _God she was so damn cute!_

"So, the prof wants us to read Chapter 10-12 over the weekend, and write a five page paper on what we learned, and why its important. I have two more classes today, what about you?"

"I uh... I was gonna go to the gym and work out for a bit. My second class today doesn't start until 6pm. After that I'm probably gonna go out to the club..."

Jasper watched as Lapis' dress strap started to slip down her shoulder a little, and she couldn't help but start to notice other small things. Like how Lapis' foot kept rubbing against her leg, or how Lapis' hand was sitting so close to hers on the desk. Lapis, being as naive as she was, probably didn't realize what she was doing to the larger woman, and her thoughts were ready to take off.

Everyone around her started to stand up, so she took this as her opportunity to stand up and stretch.

"Well, text me if you want." Lapis said quickly before exiting the classroom.

Jasper needed to get her mind out of the gutter. As she walked towards the gym, she swore the woman told her to 'sext' her. That wasn't right of course, and she knew it. It wasn't going to keep her from imagining all the dirty things she wanted to do to that woman.

"We're just going to be friends!" She shouted out to no one in particular.

"Okay, crazy." Jasper turned to see Amethyst following behind her like a lost puppy.

"Hey, I texted you!" Jasper dropped her fist on the short girls head playfully.

"I was in _Physics_ okay? I have to fully pay attention in that class or I'll be scolded." Amethyst blushed deeply, following her over to the bench press.

"Oh please, the only reason you're in Physics is to be close to that skinny twig you have a thing for." Jasper smirked, while putting weights on the bar for Amethyst.

Amethyst laid on the bench and puffed out her cheeks. "Do you always have to bring her up in public? You know what this school is like. Just because you're hell-bent on getting yourself killed, doesn't mean I am."

Jasper just shook her head. She spotted Amethyst while she did her reps, carefully making sure she was there in case she couldn't lift the bar back up to where it sat on the machine.

She thought about how Amethyst had been pining after Pearl since high school, seemingly content at just watching her from afar. She herself wouldn't be able to do that, at least not for over maybe a year. If she was too much of a pussy to put herself out there, then she didn't deserve a woman's affection.

"J.J!" Amethyst grunted. Jasper snapped out of it and grabbed the bar, pulling it back up on it's holder. "Damn, what's got your head in the clouds? Maybe we should save this for another day."

Jasper felt a familiar throb in her chest, and grunted at Amethyst. She picked up a dumbbell, and started doing reps to work out her biceps. She ignored Amethyst's stares, moving from machine to machine until she was drenched in sweat and thinking about how sore her entire body was. She succeeded at clearing her mind with a good, healthy workout.

Amethyst and her moved to the roof after their workout to relax and people watch. Amethyst sprayed Axe Body Spray at Jasper, obviously trying to tell her that she really stunk. She herself was more into Old Spice, but it would have to do. There's no way she was gonna shower here at the school. It would be her luck she'd have some stupid bitch try to pin her with a sexual offense charge of some kind.

"So, what's going on with you J.J? Your face has been super flushed this entire time we've been hanging out." Amethyst asked while flicking small rocks off the edge of the building.

Jasper sighed, and looked around her cautiously.

" _I can't stop thinking about her."_

Amethyst stopped, and eyed her suspiciously.

"You've got it that bad, huh?"

"I don't know how long I can hold out honestly. I need to just take it slow, but if opportunity presents itself I don't know whats going to keep me from pouncing on the poor girl. She's pretty, smart, cute, and has a beautiful smile... She really cares about people too, even when treated poorly. She comes off as weak to people larger than her, but I think she's strong. It takes a lot to stand up for yourself, and when she did it yesterday to Y.D, man you shoulda seen my face."

"Don't do it. Don't even kiss that girl without her permission, or you risk losing her forever. From what you were saying, she's like, on the edge of a mental breakdown or some shit. Are you sure you want that? That's a lot of baggage to carry around, when you _just_ broke up with Peridot."

Jasper glared at her.

"What? I'm just _sayin..._ "

"Ugh, why do you even have to _mention_ that lying, cheating, whore to me? She is nothing but a _bad_ experience."

Jasper leaned over the edge of the roof to spit, and saw the stoner Lars arguing with a shorter, curvier blonde girl. Sadie it must have been. Seems like Lars hurt her again. Everyone was having relationship issues these days; and Jasper liked Sadie. The food court worker usually snuck her extra food, still trying to pay her back for heavy lifting her furniture into her apartment from her dorm.

"Yo Lars!" Jasper called, gaining the bean-pole's attention. "You better be nice to Sadie or you'll lose her to me!" She flexed her biceps, causing him to blush. He hung his head and Sadie giggled, giving Jasper a thumb's up. She loved to mess with that kid.

"Jasper, is that..." Amethyst shielded her eyes from the sun and looked out towards the grassy hill students liked to hang out on. "Is that Lapis talking to Buck?"

 **LAPIS**

"Buck I'm sorry. You lost my trust when you broke up with me without even talking to me first. I don't want to date anyone right now." Lapis spoke quietly to the ex who happened to come across her after one of their classes.

"I just don't get it Lapis! I mess up once, I apologize, and you won't even give me a second chance. That's messed up." Buck pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes, and crossed his arms defensively. "Don't you think I deserve better than that?"

Little did Buck know that staying broken up _was_ better for him, because she wasn't in love with him. The whole relationship had been built on lies, and Lapis didn't want to lie to him anymore. He deserved better, someone who could truly be faithful to him.

"Buck, I'm sorry..."

Buck did something she didn't expect. He kissed her. She stepped backwards, and he grabbed her arm. Why did everyone think they could just man-handle her all the time? Did she really come off as being that weak? That easy?

"Buck, stop! You're just as bad as _her!_ " She spouted out shamelessly, immediately regretting what she had said.

He let go of her, shoved his hands in his pockets, and ambled away. She tucked her hair behind her ear and turned around, only to come face to face with Jasper. The taller woman just stood there, arms hanging idly against her hips. She looked... hurt.

"Is that something you're always going to hold against me?" She mumbled, shifting her weight onto her left leg.

"No I..."

"Just stop." Jasper turned on her heel and stomped away.

"Wait, Jasper!"

Jasper stopped, her hands clenched tightly at her sides. She looked extremely angry. "You don't want to provoke me anymore right now. I'm going to my class. If you want, you can text me later."

Lapis sighed, watching the other woman head back towards the building. She hadn't done anything wrong, so why did she suddenly feel so _guilty?_

Xxx

It was 9:45pm. Lapis was getting ready to surprise Jasper at her apartment so she could apologize, and offer to go to the club with her. She'd never been clubbing at a.. a _gay_ bar before. She assumed that's where they would go at least.

She knocked on Jasper's door; she could hear loud dubstep music blasting through the wood. She tucked her hair behind her ear as she waited for her to come to the door.

The door opened, and Jasper leaned against the wooden frame in her usual attire.

"What are you doing here, Lapis? I was just about to leave." Jasper looked her up and down and gulped. "You look really nice. Are you going somewhere?"

Lapis had worn her favorite cobalt blue criss-cross dress, that she normally wore when she went to party's with Buck. The outside layer of it was a thin black netting; her legs were bare, and she was wearing flats. Aside from a little makeup, she wasn't _that_ dressed up.

"You're going to accept my apology, and take me out clubbing." She said sternly, putting her hands on her hips.

"You know I go clubbing to pick up chicks, right?"

Lapis found herself glaring at the larger woman. It's not like they were dating, but she felt extremely jealous.

"Well, maybe I'll pick up chicks too."

"Right. Looking like that you'll attract all sorts of 'chicks.'"

"What does that even mean?" She inquired, unsure if she was supposed to be flattered or completely offended.

Jasper shrugged. She went back into her apartment and shut off the stereo, before coming back out. They walked together down the streets, avoiding dark alleyways and taking the long way around to the business district.

"So, you like dubstep huh?" Lapis asked, keeping the pace.

"Yeah, obviously. What are you, a classical music type of girl?"

"No. I like all types of music, as long as it's made well."

"Oh, well that's one way to look at it." Jasper looked down at Lapis' bare legs. "Do you ever wear pants?"

Lapis also looked down at her dress. She had a lot of cute blue dresses. She liked to wear them, because they made her feel good. "Um, maybe." She laughed. She turned her face slightly to look at Jasper, who turned quickly, avoiding her gaze.

What was this woman's deal?

They entered the club, and when the bouncer saw Jasper, he gave her a wristband signifying she was old enough to drink. He stopped Lapis, and looked her over.

"Yo Dev, she's with me." Jasper said, and the bouncer let her pass with a wristband slapped on her wrist.

"How do all these bars let you get away with underage drinking?" Lapis asked, completely flabbergasted.

Jasper shrugged, pushing forward through the crowd of people to get to the bar. Lapis followed her, noticing that a lot of girls were checking her out on the way past them. It was like she was fresh meat for them or something. She noticed they were all also checking out Jasper; maybe that's why she was getting all the attention.

She found Jasper at the bar, talking to the smoking hot bartender. She handed Jasper something she couldn't see; she guessed drugs, especially after she put her hand up to her mouth and took a drink of water right away. She sighed, and found a seat at the bar several seats away from the larger woman.

Maybe her therapist was right. This 'self-destructive' behavior was taking a toll on her psyche, making her think that maybe Jasper didn't want to share her world with her. The drugs, the alcohol, and the uncertainty were killing her.

"Hey hon, you want something?"

"Yeah, I'll take whatever you gave that muscular woman over there." She said, pointing to Jasper.

"You want water and ibuprofen?"

"Oh. I'll just take something fruity." She said, blushing.

 **JASPER**

Jasper's head was pounding. Ever since she saw Buck kiss Lapis, and heard the disgust in Lapis' voice; her anger had been boiling on high. She wasn't mad at Lapis for what she said necessarily, she was more annoyed with herself. She quickly asked the bartender if she had any ibuprofen. She was an old acquaintance after all. Well everyone was when you were a part of a well feared gang. Nobody questioned you, even after you left it. She slammed the pills, and looked around for her blue-haired companion. She didn't see her anywhere.

" _Goddammit."_ She said aloud.

"Jasper!" A smooth, silky voice spoke, joined by a hand brushing against her arm, eliciting chills down her spine. She turned to see where the voice was coming from.

"Oh."

"Are you here alone?"

The woman was an old contact of hers, with warm brown eyes, and perfectly tanned skin. Luscious brown locks bounced around her face, and Jasper found herself eyeing those plump, perfect lips of hers.

"Actually I'm not, so if you would be so kind as to ...mmmmph..."

The woman leaned into her and pressed her lips against her, slipping her tongue into her mouth. She squeezed the inside of Jasper's thigh, causing her to push against the imposing woman.

"Um, nice to see you too, Amber. But I'm going to have to ask you not to do that."

"What?" The tanned woman whined, pushing her breasts against her own, causing Jasper to feel very awkward.

"Um..."

Jasper scooted to the side, and slipped away from the woman. She didn't get very far before she was forced into a slow dance by her.

"Y.D wants you to come back. I want you to come back. Remember all the fun we used to have before you met that technology loving android..." Amber cooed, putting Jasper's hands around her waist.

"So that's why you're here. Doing Y.D's dirty work."

"Don't tell me you don't miss me. I was your _first_ now, wasn't I?" The woman pouted, putting her arms up onto Jasper's shoulders and squeezing her arms together so her cleavage was more obvious. It made it seem like her bust was going to pop out of her shirt. Jasper was trying her _fucking hardest_ not to stare.

"Tell her she can fuck off." Jasper hissed between her teeth, her mouth running dry at thought of Y.D trying to persuade her back into the gang.

A sharp stabbing pain suddenly pierced her chest, as Amber stabbed her with some intricate metal finger armor. She looked down and watched a line of blood ooze out from the punctured flesh, making her diamond tattoo look like it was bleeding.

"Sunday night. Midnight. You _will_ meet Y.D for a 'chat' in Bloodstone Alley. Don't think we don't always have someone watching you, J.J."

With that, Amber strutted away, leaving Jasper alone and furious. What the _hell_ did Y.D think she was doing, threatening her like that?

From behind her she heard several girls hoot and holler, and her jaw dropped when she saw why. Lapis Lazuli was on the bar counter, drink in hand, dancing provocatively in a gay bar. Well, if she wanted to pick up chicks, she was pretty sure the girls sitting in front her were getting the show of their lives.

"Hey!" She called, catching the blue haired girls attention. Lapis smiled largely at her when she saw her, performing a sexy pose for her. "Have you been drinking?"

"Yes. Tons. It like, never ends! It's _endless_." Lapis breathed, taking a drink with one hand, and hiking her skirt up slowly with the other.

"Okay, you're cut off." Jasper tugged on Lapis' arm, causing her to stumble into her waiting arms. A few girls booed at her, causing Jasper to smile fiendishly. She couldn't help it, even completely wasted this girl was so _cute._ Jasper found a couch in a dark corner with a table in front of it, and sat Lapis on one of the cushions, taking a seat next to her.

"I don't know why you're so mean to me all the time." Lapis slurred, staring intently at her.

"Well, if you think about it, I'm actually protecting you. It's kinda hilarious, you're completely drunk, and I'm completely sober."

"Get on mah level then, buzz kill."

"Seriously?" She totally would, but then bad things would happen.

Lapis continued to gaze at her, and Jasper watched her demeanor completely change. The blue-haired woman scooted closer to her, and leaned her head against her arm. She watched her curiously; she could smell the alcohol and kinda started to wish she had drank more herself. How much did this girl drink?

"I thought you were doing drugs." Lapis blurted out randomly.

"Wow. Okay." Jasper chuckled.

"You smelled like weed the day you kissed me."

"You could smell weed like, 6 hours after I smoked it? I think you're bluffing."

"Jas-per." Lapis whined, standing up and looking at her so intensely, Jasper felt the heat rushing to her face. The smaller woman climbed onto her lap, putting one leg on either side of her; straddling her waist. Lapis took her face between both of her palms and gazed at her with a faint blush on her cheeks. Jasper took in a sharp breath. For the first time she was truly noticing the gold flecks in her azure blue eyes. She felt her palms begin to sweat. All she wanted was that kiss that was tempting her, hovering directly in front of her; _teasing her._ Maybe she did accidentally take some drugs, because she was pretty sure she was hallucinating.

"Lapis, what are you-"

She was silenced with Lapis' soft lips against hers; their mouths parting naturally, and melding together perfectly.

Jasper pulled back, a small trail of saliva spreading between them. She wiped her mouth and put both of her hands on Lapis' shoulders, stopping her from continuing.

"What's wrong? I'm- I'm doing it wrong?" Lapis asked softly, immediately sounding depressed.

"I don't want you to do something you'll regret." _Fuck, fuck, fuck..._ She replied, breathing heavily. She was fighting every natural instinct in her body to stave off the sexual hunger she was feeling. All day she had been a good girl. She didn't want to be a good girl anymore.

Lapis sat back on Jasper's knees, her skirt riding up her thighs enough for Jasper to notice. The smaller woman nibbled on the tip of her own finger, a thick blush covering her cheeks.

"I won't regret it." Lapis mumbled through the slender finger between her lips.

"What?" Jasper asked. She heard what she had said, but she needed her to repeat it.

"I said. I won't regret it." Lapis took the finger from her mouth and drug it across her lips, moistening them. She leaned in again and kissed Jasper, deepening her kiss from before and sliding her tongue across Jasper's bottom lip. Her fingers laced into Jasper's hair, gripping it tightly.

Jasper gave in, and slid her hands down the curve of Lapis' back, gripping her ass tightly, pulling her closer. She could feel the heat in her face travel south as she struggled for control, Lapis eventually overpowering her and leading a trail of kisses down her neck.

"Lapis, you know we're in public." She breathed, a small moan escaping her lips.

Lapis ignored her, and grasped Jasper's breast over her shirt. Jasper closed her eyes and leaned her head back, allowing herself to feel the sensations coursing through her body. Jasper loved how this girl didn't give two fucks about where they were; taking control like she had been waiting for this just as badly as she had. The tingly sensations in her toes were enough to make her heavy with anticipation.

Lapis slipped a hand up under Jasper's shirt, fingering her taut stomach muscles, lingering just above her naval...

"Getting handsy, are we?"

Lapis and Jasper nearly jumped out of their skin. She felt stupid, getting caught up in the moment like that. She slid Lapis onto the seat next to her. She shook her hand through her hair, and made eye contact with the bartender.

"I'm glad you're having a good time, but if I let you continue, I think we'll have a full blown porno over here."

Jasper nodded to her, and leaned onto her elbows against the table. Her brain was running at a million miles a minute, and she couldn't focus. She almost felt like fleeing when she noticed several people had gathered to watch them; and they weren't trying to hide the fact that they were either. _Perverts._

Lapis touched her arm tentatively, and she fixed her gaze upon her.

"I'm ready to go home now."

Jasper led Lapis back to her apartment, holding her hand so the drunk woman wouldn't wander off. She unlocked the door and Lapis ran straight for Jasper's bedroom. Jasper stood in the doorway, watching as Lapis dug through her dresser, finding a tank top. She looked away quickly when Lapis slid out of her dress, and cursed the universe for teasing her so terribly.

She heard Lapis crawl into her bed, and she turned around to see she was all bundled up in her mess of blankets. Lapis was staring at her from under the blanket, and Jasper managed to give her a little smile.

"Thanks for being such a good person." Lapis mumbled, before closing her eyes. Jasper flicked the light off and went to the fridge for food. Inside she found some leftover alfredo, tossing it into the microwave and nuking it.

She found herself leaning against her counter with clenched fists, her heart pounding against her chest. She could feel the warm tears splattering against her hands, unsure as to why she was even crying.

The passion she had felt during that kiss threatened to break her apart. She didn't want to blame it on the alcohol. Alcohol definitely helped, but that couldn't have been the only reason Lapis kissed her so _fiercely_. Could it?


	5. Chapter 5

Lapis woke up to the worst headache she's ever had. Her vision was foggy and her brain felt jumbled; her vision refusing to focus. The one thing she noticed right away, was the fact that she wasn't in her dorm room at school. She was lying in _Jasper's bed._

 _Oh my God._

She sat straight up, immediately noting that she was in the bed alone. She pushed the heavy black and red comforters off of her, and slid off the edge of the Queen-Sized mattress. She blushed as she realized _she wasn't wearing any underwear._ She wasn't wearing anything but one of Jasper's large tank tops that barely covered her ass. She had to keep pulling the shoulder straps up because they kept falling off her.

She tiptoed out into the living room, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Jasper snoozing on the couch, drool dripping down her chin. She giggled to herself, and turned to stretch.

"Nice ass, dewdrop."

She pulled the tank top down quickly and ran away back into the bedroom. She pulled her underwear on, and clasped her bra into place. She felt a presence behind her, and saw Jasper standing there with a smirk on her face.

"Stop looking!" She screeched.

"What, I can't admire your _beauty?_ And you're in _my_ bedroom"

Lapis groaned, pulling her dress on and crossing her arms angrily. Maybe it wouldn't bother her so much if the woman didn't sound so condescending towards her.

"God, where's the Lapis I had last night? That girl was ready to get all freaky on me!"

The memories of the night before started flooding back. She remembered how she thought Jasper had taken ecstasy or something, so she downed a few drinks. Then that big breasted _slut_ kissed Jasper, making her order shots, then everything after that was a blur. Her body had entered auto pilot, doing things she would never do sober. She wondered if that was an excuse people frequently used when intoxicated, because that's what it was, an excuse.

"I especially liked that kiss." Jasper teased as she glided over to her and took her chin between her fingers. She hovered her lips over her's, and Lapis looked at her longingly. But the larger woman pulled away and turned to her closet.

"We kissed? Again? What else... What else did we do?"

"Let's see..." Jasper started digging through clothes she had hanging up in her closet. "First you danced on the counter, making all the lesbians sitting at the bar _super moist._ Then you straddled me on a couch and shoved your tongue in my mouth. Oh! I especially loved it when you grabbed my boobs. You almost made it to second base! Then the bartender ruined everything, and we had to come home."

Lapis blushed, because she knew Jasper wasn't lying, even if she was blatantly being an ass about the whole ordeal. Lapis remembered all of it, there was no reason for the other woman to be so mocking.

"Man, if you blush any deeper I think your head will explode." Jasper taunted, pulling off her shirt right in front of Lapis.

"Oh my God!" She squealed while covering her eyes.

"Relax, I have a bra on."

Lapis moved her hand away and her eyes quickly took in what she could of Jasper's upper body. She couldn't help but marvel at her inked, smooth muscles. Also, Jasper was right; Lapis had _no idea_ how many tattoos she had.

From what she could see from the front, the other woman's right arm was a blank canvas, with no tattoos. On her right collarbone were three little birds from large to small like they were flying off into the distance. Crossing her entire clavicle and sternum was a lavish colorful tattoo with a yellow diamond embedded in the middle. It had to have been the size of Lapis' clenched fist. Jasper's left shoulder had a scar across it, like the one that now adorned her face, and her left forearm was that beautiful warm colored Chinese dragon; wrapping around her forearm and down her fingers. Her back was empty as well, except for one small tattoo on the back of her neck, one that Lapis couldn't see from where she was standing.

"Are you done gawking at me now?"

Lapis nodded, and watched Jasper pull on a lacy black camisole, with a red leather button-up vest over it. It was form fitting, not something she would have thought Jasper would wear.

"Alright, let's go."

xxx

Lapis felt completely out of place at the tattoo parlor. Everyone was all tatted up and full of piercings, and it just wasn't her thing. She had never actually been inside one of these buildings before; noticing that it was actually fairly clean.

"Jasper, long time. I don't think I've seen you since you got your birds done." A man with a large ginger goatee said, giving Jasper a fist pound.

"Remember that tribal design I sent you a couple weeks ago? Go with that." She said, taking a seat in one of the chairs.

Lapis watched the large man apply rubbing alcohol to Jasper's bicep, before taking a disposable razor and shaving a fairly large area of her arm. He cleaned her skin again, and then walked away.

"Where did he go?" Lapis asked. She had never seen a tattoo actually being done, so she felt odd for even asking.

"Probably to get the stencil for my design."

Just like that the guy came back and rubbed a little soapy water on Jasper's arm, before pressing the piece of paper with her design on it carefully around her arm. When he removed it, it left an intricate bluish-purple design against her skin.

Lapis sat in awe for the next two hours as this large man applied Jasper's tattoo to her arm. The fact that it was needles putting the ink into her skin was a little creepy, but very interesting for her. Jasper never flinched, so she wondered if the application of the tattoo actually hurt; or if it was something people said to freak others out.

"What are you thinking about?" Jasper asked, keeping her eyes fixed in front of her.

Lapis shrugged. Her thoughts weren't that important, so she decided to keep her mouth shut. She pulled out her phone and started going through random things on the internet.

"I'm sorry for teasing you, okay?"

Lapis looked at her, and saw that the larger woman was now staring at her. Desperately. She wasn't even mad about the teasing, she knew exactly how she had acted; letting the embarrassment slide off her without thinking too deeply about it.

"So, what's with all these tattoos, do they all have meanings?" Lapis avoided a response, maybe she was going to keep Jasper on her toes.

"Some of them." Jasper answered, looking away again. "Some of them are just horrible reminders of where I came from."

"Like the giant yellow diamond in the middle of your chest?"

"Yes."

"Alright J.J. I'm all done." The tattoo artist put a warm washcloth against Jasper's arm, lathered it with a layer of protective ointment, and wrapped a secure bandage around it.

"Thanks man, I know about aftercare, obviously, so here's your money and I'll catch ya later."

The two women left the parlor and walked towards Jasper's car. She saw silhouettes of what looked like two people sitting on the car hood, and Jasper held her arm out to stop Lapis from moving any closer to the red vehicle. Lapis could make out who the two were, but just barely. One was Almandine, and the other was Peridot.

Almandine jumped off the car, grabbing Peridot by the arm and pulling her off the hood with her. As they approached, Lapis' chest heaved as she felt terrible for what she saw.

Peridot's glasses were cracked and broken, with tape keeping them together around the bridge between the two lenses. She had a large violet bruise stretching from her forehead, across her eye, and down her cheek bone. Her forest green flannel shirt was torn in strange ways across the arms, revealing many deep bruises and gashes in her arm that were still actively bleeding. She happened to make eye contact with Peridot, who looked at her with desperate pleading in her eyes.

"What. The. Fuck." Jasper practically demanded.

"Y.D wanted me to give you a gift, J.J, to show that we actually, well _she_ actually cares about you. This bitch hurt you right? Well, here you go. Not much more I could do without killing her." Almandine thrust Peridot at Jasper, and the blonde fell to her knees and cried at Jasper's feet. Lapis covered her mouth, trying to hold back the gagging she felt at the back of her throat.

"You really think I _care_ about some puny, nerdy runt anymore? Y.D can suck a dick, and leave me the _hell_ alone. I've paid my dues, and I'm not coming back." Jasper didn't even look at Peridot. Lapis scowled at what she heard, disgusted at the words coming from the larger woman's mouth. Jasper stepped around Peridot, shoving past Almandine and striding towards her car.

Lapis stayed put. She knelt down in front of Peridot and took her into an embrace.

"Are you okay? I'll help you. We'll go to a hospital right away." She lightly brushed her finger's against Peridot's cheek, and the blonde took her hands tightly.

"I'm so sorry." Peridot slipped a piece of paper into Lapis' hand, and she clenched it tightly so Almandine wouldn't notice. Lapis stared at the battered woman's eyes, clenching her fists tightly against Peridot's back. She was so sick and tired of this woman abusing people smaller, weaker, and more helpless than her.

"JASPER." Lapis screamed just as the larger woman was about to stick her key in the door.

"What!?"

"Come back, now." She was angry at the way Jasper had acted. To her surprise, Jasper sighed and turned back towards them, cracking her knuckles.

"You all are so pathetic." Almandine whined. She aimed to kick Jasper, but the woman grabbed her leg and flung Almandine onto her stomach. She straddled the cherry haired woman and pushed her face into the gravel.

"You're joking right, Almandine? That kick wouldn't have hurt anyone. If Y.D wants me, she can come find me herself. One of these days I'm gonna just kick your ass, and she'll have to find a new lackey."

"Tough words from a dyke like you."

"Peridot needs a hospital. Jasper, I'm calling an ambulance." Lapis flipped open her phone and dialed 9-1-1. Jasper rubbed Almandine's face into the dirt, before getting off her and watching her flee down the street like a coward.

The ambulance arrived, and Jasper stood back as they carried Peridot away. Lapis gave Peridot a warm smile, before they shut the doors and drove off; sirens blaring.

Lapis approached Jasper, who seemed to be seething with anger. She touched her arm lightly, but the larger woman smacked her hand away. Jasper slammed her clenched fists against the car windows. Lapis didn't know what to do, her stomach was still churning; she even felt angry herself. She could only watch as the larger woman howled ferociously at the sky over nothing.

JASPER

She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe. She hardly even recalled what had happened. She wanted to cry, scream, cut, drink, and beat someone into a bloody pulp all at the same time. When she saw Peridot the way she was, her hatred for her had melted. She wanted to hold her, help her, tend to her needs; but then what about Lapis? That's why she was so cold towards Peridot. She needed to verbally affirm the fact that they could not be together again, without actually saying it. Pretending to not care, was something she was normally good at, but she was reaching her breaking point. She was already angry at herself for hurting Lapis again. She didn't even remember how hard the contact was, she was too afraid to even look at her. She leaned her face against the roof of her car, the hot metal burning against her cheeks. She rested her arms against her sides and brooded.

She vaguely felt Lapis' arms embrace her from behind, her hands clutching the fabric of her tank top. The smaller woman squeezed her so tightly; pressing her face against her back, her chest resting against the small of her back. She decided not to resist, the gesture was oddly comforting, causing a surge of emotion to force its way up out of her chest.

She slid down to her knees, and turned to face the blue-haired woman, who, with no terror in her eyes, bent down and gave her a proper hug. Jasper wrapped her arms around Lapis, and drew her in, burying her face against her hair.

"I don't know what you're going through. Those things you said about Peridot; did you really mean that you didn't care about her anymore? How could you look at her that way, and truly mean that? I don't believe it, not one bit. You're not as tough sometimes as you think you are. It's more understandable that you _would_ care for Peridot, Jasper. Even if she did cheat on you, it doesn't mean you would stop caring. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have come back after heading to your car. You still love her Jasper, and I- I understand." Lapis' voice wavered as she tangled her fingers in Jasper's hair, her nails pressing against the back of Jasper's skull uncomfortably.

Without even trying, Lapis had seen right through her. She squeezed the other woman even tighter, causing her to groan.

"Maybe you're right, about one thing at least. Maybe I did care a little, seeing her all bashed up and bruised the way she was. One thing remains though, Lapis. I don't love Peridot." She said a little too sharply.

Lapis pulled back from their embrace and looked her in the eyes. They stared at each other for a long time, neither one willing to break the visual connection. She was studied hard by Lapis, and she refused to falter. Lapis' face softened eventually, and twisted Jasper's hair a little with her index finger.

"Are you still... gonna make dinner?"

xxx

Back in her apartment, Jasper was slicing up vegetables for their dinner. Lapis went on a cleaning spree starting laundry, cleaning up garbage, dishes, etc. Jasper had purchased chicken breasts for them, that she would cook specially for their meal.

 _I don't love Peridot._

That brat had been in her life for a decent amount of time, but seeing her with another woman gave her clarity into their relationship. She picked out all the bad things, figuring out where their relationship went wrong, and she could see it on a time line in her mind as if it were laid out in front of her. She wasn't lying, only about what she truly wanted to say to Lapis at that point. She really wanted to say _I love **you** , Lapis. _It was an insane notion, thinking she could just blurt that out at any given moment. She'd probably get a hand slapped across her face if she would say that. She was such a mess. One big pathetic mess.

"Hey, are you okay? You've been standing there staring off into space..." Lapis asked, placing another bag of garbage next to the front door to be taken out.

"It's nothing." She went back to slicing vegetables.

"Okay." Lapis shrugged, picking up the broom and sweeping up the dust.

Jasper fried up the chicken breasts, and sauteed the veggies, feeling a pulsing sensation on her arm where her new tattoo was. She wondered what Y.D could possibly want with her, and how Peridot was doing. She didn't want the girl to die, she just wanted her to suffer mentally for what she did.

She pulled the food onto the plate, and turned to see Lapis was staring at her with an overly concerned look on her face again.

"Just go sit down would ya?" She groaned, bringing their plates to the table. She put one plate on one side, and one on the complete opposite side. Lapis however didn't seem to like this, because she picked her plate up and sat in the seat directly next to her.

"Do you like milk?" Jasper asked, praying that she did. She didn't have anything else to drink.

"Yes, milk is fine."

Jasper watched as Lapis took a small bite of the chicken. Her eyes lit up, making Jasper crack a smile.

"This is good! You can actually cook!"

"Yeah, I had to cook a lot when I lived with my mom. She was always working, and I was always stuck home with my younger brother. He's a _very_ picky eater."

"Well, it definitely shows!" Lapis said happily, eating more of her dinner.

Jasper fiddled with her food, sticking her fork in the chicken, mulling over questions she had been wanting to ask Lapis for a long time. She finally chose one. "So are you, coming out now or something?" She dropped the ball right into Lapis' unknowing lap.

Lapis stopped chewing to look at her. She swallowed.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Because you made out with me in the middle of a club, but yet you were _so_ concerned about people finding out. It's confusing, and I want to know."

Did she _really_ want to know? The way Lapis answered this question would probably determine whether or not Jasper could continue being around this girl.

"I _am_ concerned about people finding out! I was so wasted that night, it's not like I could control myself..." Lapis' cheeks turned the shade of pink Jasper was becoming so familiar with. "Apparently alcohol makes me..."

"Horny as fuck?"

"Apparently! That's not the point though. I told you I wouldn't regret it, and I'm going to tell you one more time. I don't regret it. It's my parent's finding out that concerns me the most. I have to figure out how to tell them..."

"What are you worried about, money? You could always get a job and pay for school yourself. I could get a job and help you pay for school!"

"Are you crazy? I could never let you do that. Besides, juggling a job and school? That's... insane."

Jasper shrugged, and gathered the empty dishes. She set them in the sink and washed her hands. The answer Lapis gave her was acceptable. It was better than her outright blaming it all on alcohol, or denying her sinful affection for women.

She went back into the living room and covered her face in shame when she saw Lapis rummaging through her collection of DVDs.

"Oh my God. Do you own anything other than _porn?"_

"This is why you don't just go through other peoples things without their permission. I'll just warn you right now not to go digging through the bottom drawer in the nightstand by my bed."

Lapis' face twisted into a sneer as she thought about what Jasper could possibly have in that drawer.

Jasper plopped down on the couch, and covered herself with her blanket. Lapis discovered a movie that wasn't porn, and put it in for them to watch. She joined her on the couch, sitting right next to her so their hips were touching.

About 30 minutes in, Jasper gave up on trying not to touch Lapis, and relaxed. Lapis leaned against her, getting comfortable. She wished she could read this girls mind, because the things she said a lot of times did not match her actions afterwards. It was fucking with her head.

Lapis really leaned into her when the fighting started. The blue-haired woman touched her arm lightly, making the hairs on her arms stick straight-up. She had no intentions of stopping whatever she was doing, because she was curious to see where it would go.

Lapis intertwined their fingers, holding her arm tightly. She pretended not to notice.

They ended up snuggling together on the couch for the rest of the movie. She could hear Lapis' soft breathing, and she looked down to see that the girl had legitimately fallen asleep.

Jasper checked her phone, seeing a text message from Peridot. She put it down without opening the message. She had told the girl a hundred times not to text her. Instead, she resituated so she could stretch out across the couch with Lapis laying between her legs, head resting against her stomach. She reached down and stroked the girl's hair, before falling asleep herself.

When she woke up, Lapis was gone, and there was a note on the coffee table.

 _Jasper,_

 _Thank you so much for dinner, it was simply wonderful._

 _I hate to do this, but I've been thinking a lot about what I want, and what I need. To put it bluntly, I can't do this. I can't keep leading you on. I hope you understand, and I'm sorry if I made you think that we could actually be together._

 _Go and visit Peridot, she might have something interesting she wants to tell you._

 _This last week as been interesting, to say the least, I've discovered a lot about myself that never would have happened if you wouldn't have stumbled into my life. No, I don't mean that in a bad way._

 _Love,_

 _Lapis Lazuli_


	6. Chapter 6

"I need to see Peridot now!" Jasper growled at the nurse who was blocking her from entering the hospital room to see her ex-girlfriend.

"She requested that no one be admitted right now, she's in a very traumatic state of mind..."

"Let her in." Peridot called from her bed in her room.

Jasper pushed past the nurse and slammed the door behind her. She loomed over the girl bandaged and bruised in the bed, hardly being able to keep one eye open at her.

"What did you say to Lapis?" She demanded, hitting the foot of the bed with her fist.

"What do you..."

"Don't even lie to me! She left me a note saying you had something interesting to say; she basically broke up with me before we could even be together. Why are you still messing with my life? I told you to leave me alone."

"I..." Peridot coughed, "I told her I was still in love with you."

Jasper grimaced when she heard those words spouting from Peridot's filthy, whorish mouth.

"No. You are _not_ allowed to do this to me again. _You_ cheated on _me!_ You don't get to say that to me!"

"That's why I didn't say it to you, I said it to her."

"Why!?" She demanded, nearly crushing her teeth down on her tongue from spitting out words at Peridot.

"Because she asked me! She texted me all night, asking me questions about you, and I told her the truth. I told her about how you like to run your hand through your hair when you're feeling shy, or embarrassed. How you used to hover over me when I would stay up late for hours trying to cram in all my homework. How once I got past that hardened exterior, all that was on the inside was soft and pliable... I told her that you would have done anything to protect me; even take a bullet like you almost did that one time..."

Jasper subconsciously touched her left shoulder. There was a scar embedded in her skin, where a bullet had grazed her muscle.

"I told her how Y.D came to me a year and a day after our anniversary, and threatened to kill you if I didn't break up with you, because she wanted you back in the gang. You really were her best right hand of fate."

Jasper was silent.

"I had to make you believe I didn't love you, so I paid Cuprite, a hooker, to make it look like we were having sex so you would walk in and see us, and it would break your heart. I _never_ wanted to hurt you, Jasper. _I love you!"_

"No!" She screamed, slamming her hands down onto the foot board of the bed, making Peridot yelp a little in pain. "You don't! You should have came to me! You chose the weak path, like the cowardly cold bitch you are! Our problems didn't stem from that one night alone, Peridot. You've been distant for _months._ You put your work before us; you wouldn't even let me _hold_ you! I left that gang for you, risking my life so we wouldn't have to worry about the law beating down my door. Do you even understand what love is?"

"Do you!?" Peridot screamed back, causing the monitors she was hooked up to to start beeping.

"Ma'am." The nurse knocked on the door. "Your yelling is causing my patients heart rate to rise. I'm going to have to ask you to leave, before I call security."

"Don't worry, I'm gone."

Without another look at the filth lying in that bed, Jasper was gone from that room. She went home, and read the letter Lapis left her over and over, until she was so fucked up with alcohol again she couldn't even read the letters anymore. She couldn't even think; she didn't want to think. Whenever she thought she had done something good for herself and her life, the universe just decided to take a giant shit on her. There was only one thing she was good at, and that was being angry.

She dialed a number on her phone, and a familiar, fierce cackle erupted on the other line.

" _Jasper._ I didn't expect this. What can I do for you?"

 **LAPIS**

 _What have I done._

She had made so much progress, and the slightest bit of hesitation had caused her to just up and leave. She didn't really want to leave, but after texting Peridot she didn't believe she would have a place anywhere in Jasper's heart. She stared at the little piece of paper with Peridot's phone number on it for hours before she gave in and started texting her. She wasn't expecting the blonde woman to go all out and pour out her soul. She had to choke back sobs and hold silent tears in her eyes so as not to wake Jasper that night. The way Peridot talked about Jasper, made her feel like she would never know the tattooed woman enough to be anything more than a burden to her.

She picked up her phone, and stared at the number of her therapist, Mrs. Rose Quartz Universe. She wanted to call the woman and cry; more like she wanted to go to her house and bawl into her warm squishy body until she felt better. She didn't understand why she was so hung up on this one woman. Didn't Rose tell her there were always others? Other's who wouldn't grab her so roughly, or drag her into dangerous fights?

What was she even thinking, Jasper never drug her into anything, it was always her pushing her way into the other woman's life. Wanting to get to know her so bad, because she held felt such a pain in her heart the day she found her in the alleyway. Rose had told her that nothing was coincidental, and that everything happened for a reason, but what reason could there be for her to feel so strongly about one completely fucked up woman?

 _You love her you damn fool. Nothing about her really wants you to walk away, because no matter how many bad things she does, she's **good** to you. She was the one who ran to you when you were at your lowest, contemplating suicide on the roof. You thought Buck would magically appear and pull you down, even though you were wishing somehow it would be her. So what if she isn't good at expressing herself? Neither are you! You're both two broken souls, searching for something to hold onto in this world. **Just tell her how you feel.**_

"Lapis! Lapis!"

Lapis opened her door to see an old friend of hers standing there with a reddish shirt and a yellow star in the middle. Steven Quartz Universe, her best friend from high school, (also the son of her therapist), the whole reason she started going to her for help in the first place. Steven had black curly hair and a goofy grin, but he was the most genuine person she has ever known. Seeing him standing there in her doorway was bringing back the memories of how they first met.

"Steven? It's good to see you!" She hugged the senior highschooler, ruffling up his curly locks. "What are you doing here?"

"My mom told me to come and check on you. She heard about the incident at the tattoo parlor. Are you okay?

"I'm alright. Please, come in."

He entered her room and she closed the door behind him. The air from the air conditioner blew softly across his face, jostling his hair gently. He jumped onto her bed and smiled at the ceiling.

"How's your family, Steven?"

"We're great, no complaints. I um, finally asked Connie out. She totally said yes! How's Buck?"

"Oh, we aren't together anymore Steven. We broke up. I've uh, decided not to lead him on anymore."

"Lead him on? You mean...?"

Steven was one of the few people other than his mother Rose, who she's told about her being a closeted lesbian. When they were in school together, they hung out all the time, telling each other everything. He knew all her secrets, and she shared in his; not that he had very many. Steven was the most down-to-Earth person she knew.

They had met when she was a sophomore in high school, and he was an 8th grader. Back then he hung out with a bunch of overprotective girls, who didn't really let him do much of anything. That was when Amethyst, Pearl, and Garnet all used to be friends. So much has changed since then. Garnet had disappeared in eleventh grade, someone had said maybe she had moved. Amethyst and Pearl fought too much, so they stopped hanging out, and she apparently had become good friends with Jasper.

Lapis was often bullied in high school, and didn't have any friends. Yet, she kept her chin up and stood up for others when they were being hurt, even though no one stood up for her. She really believed in karma, and thought those bullies were going to get what was coming to them years later, but that never happened. Soon, she found herself becoming the bully, pushing kids in the hallway, snapping insults wherever anyone went. It empowered her, made her feel stronger.

Steven pulled her off her pedestal and slapped her with a reality check. He was the only one who had tried, and soon they had become great friends because of it, and she resumed being the nameless nobody in school. At least now she wasn't being bullied beyond hope.

Steven listened to her intently while she poured her soul out to him. He was a lot like his mother, giving her warm smiles and nodding at appropriate times. When she was finished, he had such a concerned look on his face; he almost looked terrified.

"So, you've been stalking this large buff woman, and you saved her. Then she saved you, and now you think you have feelings for her. Yet, she hurt you, and molested you. Then you got drunk, and basically molested her back, but she liked it? I'm so confused Lapis, none of that sounds... healthy. Not because she's a woman! I just mean, it sounds... I don't even know what words I want to use to describe it." Steven let out a nervous laugh, sitting up to look at her.

"I mean, if you were in my shoes, you would understand..."

"Do you even understand? I don't want you to get hurt, Lapis."

"I know Steven, I know."

"That aside though, it sounds to me like Peridot told you those things to make you back off of Jasper, because you're a threat. If what she said was true, then she wants to be with Jasper again, and wanted to get rid of her 'competition'. Don't you think? I mean, I don't understand it, I like everyone, but that's what it seems like to me. Do you _want_ to be with her?" He gave her that look of his like he was naive, but really he knew exactly what she wanted to say.

Lapis bit her bottom lip while she thought about the question. Her phone vibrated, breaking the silence between them. She looked to see she received a text message from Jasper. Speak of the devil, and he shall answer, she supposed. She ignored it for now, figuring she must have sent her a pissed off message for just up and leaving her in the morning.

"Lapis, you're avoiding my question. You can tell me."

"Yes! I do! More than anything. I do..." Lapis clenched her fists in her lap, and started rubbing the case of her phone like a worry stone.

"Why?" He sounded just like Rose, poking and prodding her with questions, trying to get her to say her thoughts aloud so they sounded real.

"Because I love her, Steven."

She flipped her phone over and pressed the side-button, making the screen light up. She read the message Jasper sent her.

 **'Yo Lapis, I'm glad you decided to give up on this bitch. Now she's meat for the vultures. You want her body, you come and get her. 1243 Lincoln ave behind the warehouses '**

Her phone dropped from her hands, and Steven looked at her with a wide-eyed expression upon his face. She changed her clothes quick, into a pair of pants and a shirt; she wasn't going to go running through the ghetto with another one of her dresses on.

"Where are you going?" Steven asked while following her out the door. He handed her her cellphone, and she shoved it into her front jean pocket.

"Something horrible has happened, I have to reach her!"

 **JASPER**

Jasper met Y.D in the usual place, where she used to go to report back her missions. Hidden between some old warehouses was an open area, unseen from the streets. The Gang Leader was there, perched on top of some old wooden crates, squatting low and looking out at her as she approached. Several of her lackeys were with her, standing in random places around the area. She clenched her fists as she addressed her.

"Yellow Diamond. I've come like you said; I've even managed to show up early. Let's talk."

Y.D leaned back on her haunches, and cackled down at her. She flipped open her balisong knife, and played with it while she spoke. "J.J, welcome back. I'm gonna cut straight to the point. You remember our deal when I let you leave the gang one year ago? Yeah, the deal was that when I called on you to return, you would. I don't know why you've been playing hard to get, but I need you back in the gang. No one could run drugs and steal cars like you could. I'm even willing to give you a clean slate. All you need to do is pledge your undying loyalty to me, and swear you'll never leave again."

Jasper pounded her fist against her open palm, and spit at the ground below the crates. This gesture caused Y.D to stand, and her goons to come a little closer.

"I will _never_ return. I'm going to take you down, and end this bullshit!"

"Wrong answer!" Y.D leapt off the crates and ran towards her, diamond knuckles already adorning her fingers. She grabbed Y.D's wrists and smashed her forehead against the other woman's skull. Y.D stumbled back a little, but regained her composure. She threw a few rapid punches at Jasper, who barely managed to dodge them with a little fancy footwork. She saw her vision waver, it had been a couple hours since her last drink, but she was still buzzed enough to make it harder to see. She backed up into one of Y.D's goons, who wrapped their large biceps around Jasper's neck and held her in place. Of course Y.D wouldn't respect a fair fight, she would do what ever was necessary to make sure she won.

"Bring me my whip." Y.D barked towards Almandine, who just happened to show up at that moment. Jasper fought furiously against the arm that bound her, but he was taller and stronger than she was, pulling her down onto her knees. She watched Almandine unravel a dangerous looking whip, with diamonds encrusted in the fall of it.

"A little medieval don't you think?" She spat.

"You know what this does, but yet you still have that _fire_ in your eyes. Don't you care about yourself at all?" Almandine cast her shadow over her, getting right up in her face, her emerald green eyes fixating on her eyes. "This whip will cleave the flesh from your bones if Y.D wills it. You won't survive. This is the end, and there's no turning back now. I myself am going to enjoy watching you split apart."

Jasper gnashed her teeth towards her like a wounded animal. Almandine punched her in the gut, causing her to recoil down even lower towards the ground. The man holding her let go, and she spat up bloody sputum onto the ground.

"You're sick." She hissed at Almandine.

Two goons hoisted her up to her feet, and shoved her face against the red brick wall of one of the warehouses. They tied her wrists up to a metal bar someone had jimmied onto the wall. She found herself wondering what it felt like to have your back ripped open by a whip, and she was sure she was going to find out sooner rather than later.

"You really should have just listened to me, Jasper. Then we wouldn't have this mess to clean up."

"Maybe you should have just fought me, instead of using your goons like a pussy." Jasper retorted angrily.

Y.D cracked her whip, and it sliced open her back, causing her to shriek. Her back throbbed and she could feel the blood starting to slither down her back. Another crack of the whip, and it didn't hurt nearly as bad; but still elicited a blood-curdling scream from her as her body tried to push itself into the brick wall in front of her.

"I love it when you scream, Jasper! It's what I live for! Bringing down my own right hand, it puts chills in my spine." Y.D howled with laughter, a creepy, foreboding type of laughter.

Five more lashes she suffered through, before they unbound her from the wall and let her slide down with her head against the brick, the blood pounding against her ear drums. Her whole body was numb, and she felt so tired. Almandine looked her over, and reached into Jasper's pocket to pull out her phone.

"I'm gonna send a text to that bitch and thank her for giving up on you. God knows that she tried, following you around like a lost puppy. I'll even give her the address to find you so she can say her good-byes." Almandine spoke condescendingly towards her. She threw Jasper's phone at the abused woman's feet, before turning on her heel to join Y.D in watching her bleed.

Why was it at times like these she wished she could take back her actions and do things differently? Her ideals and feelings mattered too, but she held herself back because she didn't want to hurt the girl again. She didn't want to see that half-dead look in her eyes, or the juicy tears that more often than not liked to streak down her face.

She had no idea how much time had passed as she stayed slumped against the wall, holding back the feeling of wanting to black out due to blood-loss. Too bad she was too proud to hit 9-1-1, and at least call an ambulance. Isn't this what she wanted? To die trying to take down Y.D? What did she have to lose other than life itself?

"Jasper!"

She swore she saw Lapis kneeling in front of her, with some kid she'd never seen before. The blue-haired girl caressed her face, turning it to face towards her. She was crying again. Oh great, she had made her cry again, she was so good at doing that. The kid with the curly hair next to Lapis turned to Y.D and pointed his finger at her.

"You are a terrible human being! What kind of person does this to someone, and leaves them to die too? It's just so... wrong!" He shouted, making Y.D laugh at him.

"Kid, don't mess with us. You don't want to know what we would do to you."

"What exactly would that be?" It was a new voice she had never heard before, a voice that sounded calm and completely collected.

Jasper tried to keep her eyes open, to see who it was that was speaking, but she could hardly see past Lapis anyway. All she knew was that someone else had joined the party, and she sounded completely bad-ass.

"Jasper, lean forward." Lapis demanded, pulling the woman towards her. "Oh my God..." Lapis felt the skin around the wounds, and pulled her hand back. "You need to get to a hospital, I'm surprised you haven't passed out."

"Takes more than that to make me pass out, dewdrop."

"Why do you call me that?"

"I don't know." Jasper leaned her face against Lapis' chest, and listened to the calm rhythmic beating of her heart. "I can't believe you came for me, I thought you 'couldn't do this.'"

"Forget that letter! Forget all of it. It was selfish and stupid of me to write that letter instead of talking to you to your face.

Jasper heard a bunch of grunting, and saw that the mystery woman and Y.D were fighting. The woman took out all Y.D's goons easily, and seeing this, they fled.

"This isn't the last you'll hear from me, all of you are going to pay." Y.D said before taking off with Almandine.

Jasper closed her eyes then, feeling the darkness ebbing away at her mind, calling her to go to sleep. She was so tired now, she thought she just might. She hardly felt herself lifted, and didn't have time to think about who was strong enough to pick her up, before she blacked out completely.

LAPIS

Lapis couldn't help but think how ironic it was that Peridot's room in the hospital was only a few doors down. The doctor's were able to stitch up Jasper's wounds, and bandage them. Because of how severe they were, she was going to have to stay here for a few days. She needed bandage changing every couple hours, and they needed to monitor her for infection. A police report was filed with Almandine's mother, who didn't really seem like she believed them when they told her Almandine was apart of the filth.

Lapis held Jasper's hand through the night, refusing to leave her bedside, even when the nurse's tried to shoo her away. They kept injecting Jasper with morphine, because after a while she had begun groaning like she was in constant pain. It broke her heart to see her like that. Steven offered to stay with her, but Lapis sent him home after talking to Rose on the phone to explain that he was okay, and she was sorry for keeping him out so late.

The woman who helped them disappeared after carrying Jasper to her car and driving them to the hospital. She had seemed so familiar, yet so different. She didn't even get to ask her her name, but she was very grateful that someone had come to their aide. If her and Steven would have been caught in a fight with those goons, they'd be in just as bad of shape as Jasper, or worse.

Jasper stirred a little, her golden eyes daring to open a little and look at her.

"Lapis." She groaned, twitching her finger a little against the smaller woman's hand.

"Just rest Jasper, you've been through a lot today."

She watched as Jasper closed her eyes again, but scooted over on the bed, and turned on her side. Without hesitation Lapis climbed onto the small hospital bed with her and slid under her arm, letting the larger woman hold her. She closed her eyes, and soon let sleep embrace her.

 **Author's Note: I actually didn't plan on really making Lapis' therapist an important character in this until one of you asked if it was Rose. I went back and reread the lines and I was like OMG that kinda fits. So I made Rose a therapist! Lol what am I even doing. My boyfriend was like, 'Hey! In this story they could actually be a happy family!' And I melted at the thought. The Stevenbomb is destroying me on the inside and this is what I am doing instead.**

 **Apparently I have a thing for hurting the big buff cheeto puff, and I foresee many heartattacks from Lapis later.**

 **Who was that mystery woman?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: This Chapter contains poorly written NSFW content. Enter at your own risk.**

Three days later, Lapis was offering to wheel Jasper down to the hospital entrance, so she didn't have to deal with the crabby nurse. Of course Jasper had objected, but Lapis glared at her and she stopped complaining.

Everyday after school she came to the hospital, keeping Jasper company so she wouldn't get lonely. Jasper was unusually quiet during these three days; she even worked on her homework, only asking Lapis for advice on one of the papers. Lapis was relieved, she didn't want to do two separate homework projects all on her own.

Each night Lapis would crawl into bed with Jasper after the nurse did their final rounds, and they would snuggle and sleep until morning. It was nice, but Lapis was a little worried, because Jasper hadn't said a whole lot of anything to her the last three days. When she held her at night, she swore sometimes she could feel the back of her neck getting wet, but she didn't understand why.

She escorted Jasper home. She half expected her to ask her to leave, but instead, Jasper invited her inside.

"Come on, lay down on the couch and I'll change your bandages for you." She said after receiving the verbal invitation.

Jasper did as she asked, pulling her shirt off and laying on her stomach. Lapis still flinched when she peeled the bandages off to see the gashes in her flesh. Y.D was insane to use the tactics she did on another human being.

"Are you gonna just stare at me all day, or what?"

"Oh hush."

Lapis lathered antibiotic ointment all along the seven stitched up gashes, and carefully laid out the bandages the way the nurse's had shown her. After she taped them in place, she sighed, dragging her fingers down across Jasper's arm.

"You don't have to stay here you know." Jasper said, holding a pillow to her chest while she sat up to pull her shirt back on.

"I know. I _want_ to stay."

"Oh, okay."

Lapis sat next to Jasper on the couch and took the larger woman's hand into her lap. She rubbed her thumb against the top of her hand, and stared at the coffee table in front of them.

Jasper reached over and pulled her up onto her lap, resting her chin on Lapis' shoulder. Lapis blushed as the other woman laced her fingers around her stomach, keeping her snug against her.

"Thank-you for taking care of me." Jasper mumbled against her shoulder.

Lapis relaxed, and leaned her head back against the larger woman, looking up at her hardened facial features.

"You know, you almost gave me a heart attack. Why would you go pick a solo fight against Y.D and her gang?" Lapis asked, tilting her face more so she could plainly see the other woman. Jasper's eyes darkened as she remained silent. She couldn't quite decipher what this silence meant, but it made her feel uneasy. "Are you mad about something?"

"If you insist on knowing, I suppose I'll tell you. I obviously suffer from depression. You also are not helping, but it's not totally your fault. When I read your letter, I was pissed. I was so angry, I went to talk to Peridot and I could hardly resist strangling her. Whether her words were truth or not, she can't tell you how _I_ feel. Only I know how I feel. So, I called up Y.D and set up our meeting earlier than she had wanted."

"Meeting? Wait, she wanted to talk to you?"

"Yeah, long story. Basically all the shit that happened this weekend was because of her trying to threaten me back into the gang. When I met up with her, I didn't care if I died trying to kick her ass. I had nothing to lose at that point."

Lapis tried to swallow down the knot she felt in her throat. She regretted her actions, but inside she just felt like one big bundle of crazy. Jasper wanted to die trying to beat Y.D, apparently, and that really worried her and made her feel like shit.

She reached her hand up to rub it against Jasper's cheek affectionately. Jasper overlapped her hand with her larger one, and held her hand there. She couldn't keep dodging the big tense bullet hovering over her heart, because it was causing this woman to act out. It was her fault she had been injured so ruthlessly. If only she wasn't such a coward, if only she were more outgoing.

Jasper nibbled the top of her ear softly, jolting her from her inner thoughts. Her hand moved up to rest against Lapis' sternum, causing her to take in a sharp breath.

"What are you doing?" She asked quietly, feeling her face flush.

"Mm... What does it look like I'm doing?" She teased, running her other hand down Lapis' leg and squeezing it firmly.

"But you..."

"Tell me no, and I'll stop."

She didn't want to say no, but this sudden change in Jasper's attitude was slightly confusing. Jasper leaned down to kiss her neck, but groaned; her face starting to contort in pain. Lapis saw this, and pushed Jasper's hands away to stand and face her.

"Don't exacerbate your wounds." She chastised her, putting her hands on her hips. It'll be her luck that they'll reopen and she'll have to go back to the hospital.

"They're fine, they're not even open anymore." Jasper frowned, giving her a disappointed look. "Would you just, sit back down and let me hold you!?" Her voice strained a little in that last sentence, sounding a little higher than normal.

This outburst from Jasper sounded like a desperate plea; like she needed the physical contact desperately; like she hungered for it. Lapis held up her finger, asking her to wait, and went into the bathroom quick to stare at herself in the mirror. She took a deep breath, hardly able to stop her hands from shaking. She could do this, she wanted to do this; she just needed to give herself a pep talk. Did she smell funny? Would she even care? Oh God she needed to shave... She shook her head and sighed deeply.

She went back into the living room and saw the other woman was now lying on her side, with her back lightly pressed against the back of the couch, leaving enough room for Lapis to lay next to her. She aligned her back tightly against Jasper, and reached behind her to pull on the larger woman's arm so it would hold her.

She started to hum to herself as she snuggled closer, feeling Jasper's hot breath against her neck, wondering what the larger woman must be thinking about her.

They lay there together for a few hours. Lapis even recalled falling asleep in her arms, just enjoying the simple act of cuddling. When she had woken up, she was surprised to see they were laying in a different position than when she first laid down. Now she was stomach down on top of Jasper, who she noticed had a thin smile upon her lips. She had to admit, it was nice; cuddling with this woman. Even though everything about this woman's appearance seemed hardened and tough, Lapis found that laying on top of her, was soft and comfy. She gazed at the muscular woman's face, her eyes were drawn to those plush lips of hers.

She hoisted herself up, and brought her face down to hover over Jasper's. She touched the other's lip with her index finger, pulling it down a little; feeling the soft skin with the tip of her finger. She blushed a little as she started to wonder what they felt like against her skin; she already knew what they were like against her mouth.

 **JASPER**

Torture. That's what it felt like to have this girl so close to her, their bodies touching, emanating heat of her desire. These last few days had been like a recurring nightmare; and she was getting sick of it. She had faltered once already. Luckily, it hadn't been enough to scare Lapis away, but she was receiving a mix of signals from this blue-haired girl.

When did she become so soft, letting Lapis throw her chains around her, binding them together and dragging them into this ocean of madness?

Then, to her surprise, Lapis broke through Jasper's resolve by leaning into her and kissing her. Their lips parted and melded together in what she wanted to be an endless embrace. She brought her hands up along the curve of Lapis' back, dragging along the bottom of her t-shirt. Her fingers grazed against the clasp of her bra, releasing it easily. To her surprise, Lapis pulled back from the kiss to allow her to completely pull her top off.

She watched as Lapis leaned back and held her bra to her chest; her face was pink, and she looked embarassed. Jasper gripped her hands gently and pulled them towards her, so the straps of Lapis' bra slid down her arms and hung loosely on her wrists. She took the lacy garment and dropped it on the floor next to the couch.

Xxx

Jasper pushed Lapis down onto her bed, and took in every inch of her naked body with her eyes. She was gorgeous. She had perfect rose colored nipples adorning pearly white breasts, a slim stomach, smooth thighs...

"Don't stare at me." Lapis whispered.

She looked into the other woman's azure eyes, and her body melted at the sight of her very flushed face. She was so cute, and beautiful, and Jasper couldn't take it anymore. The way she lay there blushing furiously with her hair cupping her face; even the way her chest rose and dropped with her breathing was all exciting to the larger woman. She pressed her thirsty mouth against Lapis', drinking in her taste while feeling her soft breasts between both hands. Lapis moaned into her kisses; and all that did was fuel Jasper's desire even further.

She trailed kisses down Lapis' cheek, and lingered on the small girl's neck, elicitng short raspy breaths from the other woman. She kissed even further down, her mouth enveloping around one perky nipple. Lapis clenched her thighs together and squirmed at her touch, making Jasper's ego inflate.

Lapis let out a sound which made her wonder if it was a moan, or a cry; was the blue-haired woman going to run away from her again, leaving her to the wonders of what lay in the bottom drawer of her oak dresser next to her bed? She kissed Lapis' ear, running her tongue along the cartilidge on the outer side of her ear.

"Relax." She whispered into her ear.

"Jasper..." Lapis' voice was very quiet. The larger woman leaned back on her calves and looked at her. "It's just kinda weird that you're still fully clothed..."

She couldn't help but smile.

"Ah, so you _are_ enjoying yourself? If you wanted to see me naked, you just had to say so."

Lapis sat up and knelt in front of her, giving her a look she had never seen before. This was a look of desire; of sexual _need._ Jasper gulped, flushing at the thoughts rushing to her head. Lapis took hold of the bottom of her tank top, and pulled it right off of her. Jasper sat down as the girl tucked her fingers underneath her sports-bra and pulled that off too. She was stunned; she hadn't actually expected anything other than a make-out session today, but this girl was determined to do the opposite of what she thought she was going to do.

Lapis put her palm against the diamond tattoo on her chest, and applied pressure, pushing Jasper down against the bed. Jasper went with it, who was she to complain at this moment? Lapis looked her over, before her hands discovered the metal buckle keeping her pants on tightly. As the smaller woman unbuckled her, Jasper felt her warm mouth against her stomach muscles, causing her to tense up at the little shocks she felt. She looked down at her, only to throw her head back when she saw Lapis looking back up at her as she continued to kiss her stomach.

Her jeans were slid off of her, she helped a little by lifting her hips up so Lapis could pull them off easily. Jasper wasn't body-conscious at all, if the other woman didn't like what she saw, all she had to do was leave...

"You have a... strawberry?"

"What?" Jasper asked, confused.

"Right here." Lapis licked her hip bone, closing it off with a kiss before pulling back up.

"Oh..."Jasper moaned, unable to process any thoughts at this moment. That's right, a long time ago she had gotten a strawberry tattoo, her first one after she had turned 18. The thought of that tattoo now seemed silly and petty to her.

"I think it's cute."

"I think you're cute."

Lapis blushed, and looked away for a moment, before crawling up her body, and laying against her. Her back was starting to ache from laying on it, but she didn't want to move just yet. She ran her fingers through Lapis' hair, and massaged her scalp gently. Lapis closed her eyes and parted her lips while she enjoyed it. Her face fell against her breasts, and Jasper looked down to see the woman had fallen asleep.

She sighed deeply to herself. All in all, it was good progress. She wasn't going to push her into doing anything, and if she was tired she was tired. Even if Lapis was _really_ fucking good at teasing her, and all she wanted was to make her scream her name in ecstasy... Now she was starting to understand why Lapis had to write her sexual dreams down, these feelings could eat you away and drive you mad.

She gently hoisted Lapis up into her arms, and laid her down properly in the bed, before shutting the light off and crawling back in next to her. She snuggled Lapis so close, when she woke up she wouldn't be able to casually run away again; no this time she was going to keep the blue-haired woman here.

Xxx

Jasper's eyes opened slowly when sleep started to fade away from her. They shot open, half-expecting Lapis to have left again, since that's what she had been having nightmares about for the last few days. She was relieved to see the other woman still lied next to her, completely naked, curled against her like she was trying to get warm. Jasper felt her arm, noting she was very cold. She reached off the side of the bed and pulled her black and red comforter over them. Lapis shifted her body so her face was laying against Jasper's breast.

"Pillows..." Lapis mumbled, wrapping an arm around Jasper's side.

"You're lucky Lapis." Jasper said quietly, pretty sure the other woman was still asleep. "You're lucky I've fallen so hard for you, I'll let you get away with all the teasing you do to me..."

"You think I'm a tease?"

It was like Jasper was suddenly struck with a bolt of lightning, stopping her heart and waiting for her to just drop dead. She was supposed to be asleep, she wasn't supposed to hear that! Oh God, what if she left her again, she wouldn't be able to take it. Her heart throbbed against her chest as she avoided making eye contact with the smaller woman.

"I'm not trying to be a tease..."

Oh God, she was so cute, and now it sounded like she was going to cry again. Why couldn't she open her mouth to respond to her? Why did it feel like the spit she swallowed glued her throat together to prevent her from speaking? It had to be the universe's fault again, causing her to fuck up and lose her last chance at happiness. She was so terrible, so wrong so...

"I want you, Jasper."

Wait, what?

"I mean, at least, I think I do..."

She couldn't breathe.

"I really care about you, so please, don't go hurting yourself again. If you want I could..."

Jasper couldn't respond, especially not now that the other woman was rubbing her between her legs over her panties; without warning. She had to be dreaming, maybe she was actually asleep, and she could wake up and prevent herself from saying such a reckless thing.

"I'm going to pretend you're silenced because you're in shock or something."

Lapis slipped her fingers under the fabric, and rubbed Jasper's heat underneath. She pulled her fingers up to her eyes and spread them apart, looking at the wet that stretched between them. Jasper flushed, realizing this wasn't a dream, and this was really happening. She died a little on the inside when Lapis suddenly put her two fingers in her mouth and tasted the liquid that was on them. The anticipation seeping across her chest was enough to make her close her eyes to try and calm her breathing.

Then Lapis was rubbing her again, and suckling on her nipple, taking charge and blowing her entire world. She worked her body like she knew exactly what she was doing; like she was living one of her uncensored dreams. Lapis moved her mouth up to kiss her, and Jasper met her halfway, the smaller woman biting her bottom lip and dragging it back a little with her teeth. Their eyes connected, and something passed between them, and unspoken feeling of pleasure they both shared.

It wasn't long before Jasper reached her climax, after Lapis had switched from using her fingers to using that sexy mouth of hers. Jasper clenched the sheets next to her, pulling the silky fabric up as she groaned into the climax. When her body stopped twitching she laughed, feeling so happy and fulfilled.

Lapis didn't last long when Jasper finally was allowed to have her way with her. Their bodies slid against one another as Jasper worked her at every angle, tasting every inch of her, and pumping one finger; then two deep inside of her. Lapis' moaning was louder with each new thing she did, fueling her to go faster, and faster, and faster, until Lapis reached her climax; screaming out Jasper's name.

Jasper looked up from her position by Lapis' knees, catching a glimpse of Lapis' orgasm face. It would forever be burned into her mind how sexy the blue-haired woman had looked when she was completely relaxed, allowing herself to finally _feel_ how wonderful it was to be completely connected with another woman.

"Mm, I love it when you scream my name." She couldn't help but say these words. Lapis clenched her eyes shut, still panting from her recent climax.

Jasper kissed her cheek softly, cuddling for a few minutes, before getting up out of the Queen bed to go and take a shower.

 **LAPIS**

Lapis was hiding her face under the blanket as Jasper was showering in the bathroom. The punk woman had offered to share a shower with her, but Lapis declined, sinking back into the aura of shyness she was accustomed to. She was satisfied completely, her wildest dreams coming true, the scent of their sexual adventure still lingered in the sheets she was hiding in.

Jasper left her bathroom, drying her hair off and walking out shamelessly naked. Lapis ducked under the sheets, and felt the heat rushing to her face.

"What's wrong?" Jasper asked, throwing the towel onto the floor next to her dresser.

"Nothing."

"Is it because I teased you about your moaning, I'm sorry. It was just so _damn_ sexy."

Lapis shrieked when Jasper pulled the blanket off of her, and she curled into the fetal position. She almost expected the larger woman to gloat and laugh at her, or make fun of her some more. Instead though, Jasper curled up next to her, putting a hand against her stomach and holding her. Lapis relaxed a little, covering her breasts with her arm.

"It's 1 o'clock, and I should really put a new bandage on for you before we go to school..." Lapis muttered, rubbing her thumb against Jasper's forearm.

"Oh, school. I keep forgetting that place exists."

"Y-yeah..."

"Alright."

Lapis wiggled out of Jasper's arms and quickly ran into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and nearly keeled over when she saw her reflection. Right on the inside of her neck was a dark red hickey, large, and very obvious. What the heck was she gonna tell people if they asked her about it? She hopped in the shower quick, the hot jets of water relaxing her a bit.

She dried off, and dug through her bag of things she had brought over, pulling out one of her cute blue sundresses that tied behind her neck. She dressed, then went back into Jasper's room to apply new bandages. Looking at the muscular woman's toned back muscles made her knees feel week, and a blush rise to her cheeks. She peeled off the old wet bandages, and saw that several of them were bleeding a little. Did she hurt herself while they were...

"Jasper! If you were in pain you should have said something! How are you going to get better if you keep opening your wounds?"

"Pffft. It's fine. You think I was going to give up the opportunity to 'enjoy your company?' Hell no! If I had to suffer for what we did, it was totally worth it." She scoffed, crossing her arms on the bed and laying her head on them.

"I just want you to get better, what if you get an infection?"

"Lapis, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

Lapis _did_ worry about the other woman. Together they finished getting ready before they hopped in Jasper's car and drove off to school, ready to face the populace with a big red mark on her neck.

Maybe she could say it was some sort of... wound or something. Maybe everyone would just leave her alone; maybe they all forgot about their shitty views on gay rights and will welcome her back into society with open arms. Right, because Almandine would totally fall for that.


	8. Chapter 8

**A little NSFW in two spots.**

As much as Lapis wanted to stay back and walk with Jasper; hold her hand, chat happily with her, she resisted the urge to do so, and split away from the larger woman when they arrived at school. Every time she walked past someone, she felt an odd jolt in her chest like everyone was staring at her, like everyone knew what she had done. She felt like she had a huge target on her face that said 'Hey, look at my giant hickey!' No, she didn't regret anything, but she was feeling extremely paranoid.

"Lapis, are you alright?"

Lapis looked up at the girl who spoke to her. It was her dorm neighbor, Pearl. This girl was prim and proper to the fullest extents of the word; with her neatly trimmed strawberry-blonde haircut and her perfectly ironed blouse. No wrinkles in those clothes of hers at all. She wondered why Pearl would even be talking to her; that's when she noticed the mess of papers laying about on the floor.

"Oh my God, Pearl I'm sorry, let me help you pick that up." She apologized, gathering up a group of papers into her arms.

"Ah, I just sorted all those too... Oh nevermind, I'll just have to do it again. Don't worry too much about it Lapis." Pearl groaned, staring at her cynically before taking the papers and stuffing them neatly into her bag. Lapis turned to continue down the hallway.

"Lapis wait." Pearl said, stopping her.

"Yes?" She asked, looking at her confused.

"Why is your neck bruised?"

Lapis bit down hard on her tongue, whining at the pain and the iron-tinted taste of blood filling her mouth. She covered her neck with her hand but it was too late, Pearl had already cornered her against the wall and pried her hand away to look at her neck.

"Is someone hurting you?" Pearl asked, looking at her with deep concern.

"No, no... I should really get to class."

Maybe it was better that Pearl thought it was a bruise. This way she wouldn't have to come up with a lie about why she had a huge hickey on her neck, when everyone knew her and Buck weren't together anymore. She attempted to leave again, but this time her way was blocked off by an impenetrable wall of muscle. _Well fuck._

"Hey brat, why'd you ditch me? We both have the same class you know, we could have just... Oh." Jasper stopped talking when she saw Pearl standing there, staring at her with widened eyes.

Lapis saw Pearl glance from Jasper, to her, then back to Jasper again. She could tell by the look in her eyes that she was fabricating some kind of story in her head about a crazy abuse notion; or something. Typical, over-reactive, OCD Pearl...

"I had better leave..." Pearl hurried off down the hallway, not looking back at them.

"What's her problem?" Jasper asked, scratching her head.

Lapis swallowed the lump in her throat, and chose to ignore Jasper. She hurried off down to her class, and took her seat. She could feel Jasper's eyes burning in the back of her head, so when they were given time to work on their papers, she turned around and confronted the muscular woman.

"Hey, what's your deal? Trying to set my hair on fir with your mind or something?" She said in a hushed tone, staring at the woman.

"I don't have a problem. You seem to though." Jasper responded, picking her teeth with her fingernails, then jotting several things down into her notebook. Lapis tapped her nails against Jasper's desk; she stared at the other woman writing for so long, she suddenly found her mind drifting off, thinking about the look on Pearl's face when Jasper had shown up and called her a 'brat.' Lapis saw this as playful, at least now, but to an outside person, it probably looked really bad. Ugh, she just spent her whole class doing nothing but watching Jasper do her homework. _That was different._

After her literature class ended, she quickly got up , and ran into the nearest bathroom. It was empty of course. She dumped out the contents of her bag, and was happy to see she actually had a bit of foundation. She looked up into the mirror and nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Jasper standing directly behind her; hands on her hips.

"Are you following me?" She asked, voice straining a little while she unscrewed the cap to the makeup bottle, dabbing a little onto the tip of her finger.

"Yes."

Lapis knitted her eyebrows together at such a simple answer, she really didn't want to waste too much time today. She needed to get to the library and start finding resources for her Advanced Writing course paper. After applying her makeup, she stuffed everything back into her bag and turned around.

"Hey, I should really go, I'll change your bandages later, okay?"

Jasper's neutral face slowly stretched out into a thin smile, and she held Lapis' gaze momentarily before stepping closer to her. She had her back against the sink, and couldn't move any farther backwards as the larger woman bent down, pushing their bodies together, and taking a firm, but not too harsh, grip onto her shoulders.

"What are you doing, we're in pub-" _lic._ She had to finish her sentence in her head, because Jasper kissed her, effectively silencing her with her tongue. She should really end this display of affection, before someone walks in; instead her arms touched Jasper's shoulders, her fingers digging into the muscle and gripping on tightly. Jasper hoisted her up onto her hips, and held her, moving into the dark corner and pushing her back against the wall; kissing her more ferociously.

Lapis _really_ needed to study, but her body was determined to do the opposite today. Apparently. She didn't even notice at first when Jasper pulled at the ties that kept the top of her dress secured, until the larger woman had pulled her bra down and was tonguing one of her nipples. She moaned, clamping her hand over her mouth; a deep blush spreading across her cheeks. She could feel Jasper's lips curl into a smile as she gently bit down on her nipple, sending a little shock down her spine. Jasper gripped the inside of her thigh roughly, readjusting Lapis' weight on her hips. She felt the larger woman's fingers slide against the outside of her panties; teasing her, _testing her_. Then a finger was inside her, and she moaned again. It took every ounce of willpower in her body to do what she had to do.

"Jasper... stop.." She managed to say.

"I can tell you enjoy it." Jasper said, pumping a second finger into her, making her grind against her reactively. She exhaled, leaning her head back, and Jasper took that as an invitation so start sucking on the nape of her neck.

"Mmph." Lapis pushed Jasper's face back, and the larger woman took a step backwards to let her slide down onto her feet. She fixed her clothing, looking away as Jasper licked her fingers right in front of her. She tied her dress back together, and glared at the other woman.

"Awe, dewdrop, don't give me that face. I'll be a good girl now."

Lapis rolled her eyes and sighed.

"What if someone would have come in here!? You... Just text me later if you want, okay? My philosophy class can be pretty boring." She said, before double checking herself in the mirror, and opening the bathroom door. Jasper's friend Amethyst was there, jumping out of the way sheepishly when she saw Lapis leaving the bathroom.

 **JASPER**

Jasper watched Lapis go, a sly smile upon her thick lips. Amethyst walked right in, a huge grin on her face. She clenched her hands together in excitement.

"Oh my God." Amethyst said through her smile. "We need to talk."

"Well not in here. I'm tired of being in this stuffy bathroom." Jasper ran the cold water in the sink, splashing a little on her face quickly before heading out to the courtyard that spread out across the campus, separating all of the different buildings.

"That girl looked completely ravished." Amethyst said as they took a seat in the grass; Jasper pulling out her literature homework, making Amethyst a little confused.

"We had sex last night."

"Wha...!? No way J.J, you're shitting me right?" Amethyst squealed, leaning forward and digging her hands into the dirt.

"I'm telling the truth."

"Man, what the fuck happened to you this weekend?"

Jasper set down her pen and got to work explaining every detail about her weekend to her friend; starting with the drunk make out session at the club. She told her about Lapis leaving her a terrible 'I'm leaving you letter', and how she went to beat the shit out of Y.D but she played dirty. She told her about her wounded back, and finally about her hitting it home with Lapis.

"But she's like, a completely different person when she's around people, and I don't like it. I'm so used to having what I want, when I want it, and she's confusing me." She explained, starting to write again.

"Man, she's even got you doing homework. Jasper, you didn't do homework when you were dating Peridot. Did you guys officially state you were dating?" Amethyst inquired, picking her nose shamelessly.

"Well, no..."

"Hahaha, oh man." Her friend laughed, shaking her head.

Jasper groaned and laid back in the grass, looking up at the dark grayish clouds. It looked like it might rain. She didn't even think about asking Lapis what this meant for their relationship. At this point there wasn't even a point to 'make it official', because Lapis was already uptight about how they were interacting in school. She should just tell Lapis how she truly felt, telling her that she would protect her. If Lapis lost her parents funding, Jasper would get a job herself to pay for her to keep going to school. Lapis could move into her apartment, and it would be way cheaper that way. She chuckled a little to herself when she thought about the possibility of Lapis moving in. Even Peridot hadn't wanted to move in, and they had dated for a year.

She was getting way ahead of herself, and she knew it.

"Hey, let me see your battle wounds!" Amethyst said, poking her in the gut to get her attention. She rolled over and Amethyst pulled her shirt up carefully, peeking under her bandages. "Oh my God, ouch! These are going to be some nasty scars."

Jasper grumbled, muttering some obscenities under her breath before rolling back over and sitting back up. Her phone dinged, and she unlocked the screen; it was Lapis.

 **'Where should we meet to change your bandages?'** The message said.

 **'Don't worry about it, I'm fine.'** She replied quickly. That girl worried too much.

 **'Fine.'**

Jasper paused a few minutes, before sending her one more text.

 **'Do you want to... come over tonight?'**

No response. This whole game the two of them were playing was really starting to aggravate her.

"Oh, I saw Pearl today." She said, watching Amethyst tear open a bag of flaming hot Cheetos, and shoving a handful into her mouth. She couldn't stand them herself; she didn't like how the Cheeto dust stained her teeth a nasty color. Amethyst licked her fingers and looked at her.

"So? I see her everyday. From a far, watching over her, waiting to swoop in and sweep her off her feet and..."

"Oh shut the fuck up, you are not." Jasper said, laughing at the smaller woman, giving Amethyst a reason to break out into a deep blush.

"Wait... I just thought of something... You never told me why Lapis looked so... 'hot' earlier." Amethyst changed the subject.

"Oh that's simple. Let's just say I was 'servicing' her. She didn't let me finish though, but it was probably for the best. If you woulda walked in a little sooner, you woulda gotten a show, and I probably woulda gotten a black eye.." She answered, smiling devilishly at the thought of what she was doing to that blue-haired girl.

"Wow, I'm surprised she let you get away with that... Oh shit, Almandine."

Jasper's neck hair stood on end at the mention of that _bitch's_ name. Her eyes scanned the area, spotting Almandine lighting a cigarette and chatting with someone. For once she wasn't heading her way, trying to beat her face in.

"Dude, her arm.."

That was when Jasper noticed that Almandine's arm was up in a sling. The red-headed woman finished her cigarette and threw the butt on the ground, and disappeared inside one of the buildings.

Y.D probably took her anger out on her and snapped her arm in half or something. Whatever, why did she even care, that bitch deserved worse than that. She looked down at her phone, seeing a new message.

 **'No, I'm going to stay in my dorm tonight but...'**

 _But what!?_

 **'You can hang out if you want. If you're discreet.'**

Lapis wanted her to join her in her dorm? She'd never spent the night on campus before; she started wondering if there were going to be any parties, or if this was an invitation to disaster... She liked disaster. She looked down at her phone again, and saw Lapis had sent her a picture. What in the world could that picture be? She tapped the message notification and opened the picture. Amethyst leaned over to see what she was doing.

Amethyst snorted, and Jasper flipped her phone over quickly, trying to hide her embarrassment.

"Holy shit dude, you got it made! I wouldn't have believed it if I wouldn't have seen it myself! I wouldn't pass this up if I were you."

Jasper looked at the picture again. Lapis was sitting in her philosophy class, in the back, with one finger to her lips like she was telling Jasper to 'shh.' Her other hand was pulling her collar down, showing off the tops of her breasts in a _very_ seductive way. If she wasn't sure before about spending the night, she sure as hell was now! _I knew she was having fun earlier._

 **'Don't tease me, brat.'** Was all she could respond with.

 **' ;) '**

"Okay J.J, I gotta go. Physics calls. Have fun in Psychology, okay?" Amethyst gave her a fist bump before gathering her bag and running off.

Jasper leaned back on her elbows and continued to watch as students walked by, on their way to their classes for the evening. She still had an hour before Psychology, and planned on doing absolutely nothing until then.

"Um... Jasper."

Fuck. She tipped her head back and saw Peridot standing there, books in hand and glasses sliding down her nose. Her bruised face looked a bit better than the last time she had seen her. Peridot took a deep breath and sat in front of her in the grass. She remained silent, watching the blonde woman carefully.

"I just wanted to say sorry, and apologize to you for causing so much trouble for you. It was wrong and inappropriate for me to meddle in your relationship with Lapis Lazuli. You won't see me anymore, so I just wanted to say that." Peridot spoke quietly, not making eye contact with her, pushing her glasses back against the bridge of her nose.

"You could fucking say that again." She scoffed, blowing air from her lips to move the bangs from hanging in her face. Her peripherals noticed something about Peridot that she didn't see before. She could see a purple bruise from under Peridot's green turtleneck. She leaned forward and grabbed the top of the neck piece and pulled it down, revealing bruising around the girl's neck.

"That's nothing!" Peridot pushed her hand away, and pulled her shirt back up to cover her neck.

"Who did that to you." Jasper demanded to know. She might just kill the fucker...

"No one, I..."

"Haven't you lied to me enough? Whatever Y.D thinks she has on you, you need to stop. Did you join her gang? You can't keep letting people push you around, you're gonna get yourself killed. What else are you hiding?"

Peridot clenched her fists in her lap, her shoulders slinking forward as she started to shake.

"You don't understand, you've always been strong, and able to defend yourself. You don't know what it is like to be pushed around, unable to stop people from hurting you, threatening you, and threatening the people you care about."

"That's not an excuse."

"Pffft. No one cares about me anyway, so what do you care."

"I care about you." The word's slipped right out, before she could stop them.

"You... what?"

"I just mean that, even after everything... I still care about you. Not in the way you want, but, I don't want you to die or anything. It's not right what they're doing to you."

She really meant what she was saying. So much, that it almost scared her. Peridot didn't deserve whatever Y.D was doing to her, no one did. It had to stop, even if Jasper had to take care of it herself. She looked at her phone, and saw she had 5 minutes to get to class.

"Oh shit. Peridot listen, we'll talk more one day okay, so stay away from Y.D." She stood up, brushing the grass off her ass. She caught Peridot's gaze, those emerald green eyes searching hers.

"Okay Jasper. By the way... Be careful, she's always watching..."

Jasper shoved her phone in her pocket and jogged towards her class, thinking about what Peridot had said to her.

 **LAPIS**

Lapis was pacing her dorm room anxiously, tidying up here and there, trying to make everything neat for when, or if, Jasper would show up. She didn't know why she cared so much, Jasper's apartment had been _atrocious_ , before she was there to clean it up. She really hoped no one would see the huge buff woman enter her dorm, since everyone would recognize her and start harassing her about it. For God's sake _Pearl_ was her across the hall neighbor, and if she saw Jasper, who knew what would be said or done about it. She still had an hour before Jasper's class was even over. Why didn't she just go to her apartment, it would have been so much easier! She wondered, fleetingly, if Jasper thought she were desperate, sending her that suggestive photo that she almost regretted; she didn't even know why she did it.

 _When you were in that bathroom, she got you so riled up. You didn't want her to stop, you wanted her to keep going, you wanted her to..._

"Ah, shut up brain!" She clutched her head, feeling her heart racing faster than her thoughts could cross her mind. She sat down at her desk, flipped open her journal and started writing down all her dirty perverse thoughts. Yeah, that wasn't helping, it was only heating her up more. She felt like a lovesick idiot who had one little taste and was instantly hooked. That's what Jasper was to her, an _addiction._ Could be worse, she could be addicted to meth or fucking opium or something.

Her pen flew across the paper, until she had 3 college ruled notebook pages full of all her dirty desires. She slammed that notebook shut, and sighed. What a waste of time.

Someone knocked at the door. She jumped a little, and opened it quickly, expecting to see Jasper. It was Pearl.

"Oh, uh, can I help you?" She asked softly, her voice squeaky and high-pitched.

"Oh, you actually are here tonight. I was wondering if you wanted to work on homework together. You seemed like you were having trouble concentrating in class the other day." Pearl said, peeking inside her room nosily.

She had been worried about Jasper in the hospital earlier, of course she hadn't been paying attention in fucking class.

"Not tonight Pearl." She looked down the hallway and saw Jasper. The large woman stopped walking, backed up, and went around the corner, obviously seeing Pearl standing there in the hallway. Thank God that woman wasn't an idiot.

"Fine. Okay, just know I'm here if you want to... talk." Pearl stuck her nose up, and walked back into her room. Lapis waited, then waved Jasper down to her. The larger woman practically ran towards her, briskly moving into her room. Lapis locked the door behind them.

She grabbed Jasper's collar and tugged on it, pulling her down into a rough kiss. She couldn't tame the fire that was lit inside of her, turning into a roaring inferno the minute _she_ walked through the door. Jasper let her pull her towards her small twin sized bed; and let her push her down onto the bed. She straddled the larger woman's stomach, grasping two large handfuls of her breasts while continuing to make out with her.

The need she felt was so great; all she could think about was fulfilling that need. The singular thought of being one with this woman, drove that hunger down, deep into her loins. She didn't even give Jasper the chance to speak; every time she tried, she silenced her with her mouth, smiling fiendishly to herself.

Finally she sat up, taking a chance to catch her breath; Jasper's chest heaving under her as she breathed.

"Okay," Jasper said, exhaling deeply. "I'm going to take this moment to say: Hey, nice to see you, how was your day?"

Lapis giggled.

"Torturous."

"What, you want to tell me about it?" The larger woman smirked knowingly.

"Mmm no." She leaned in closer, and hovered next to Jasper's ear. "I want you to stop talking and start moaning _my_ name." She sat back, watching Jasper's expression twist into a delightful smile.

Lapis found a strange empowerment from feeling like she was in control; this outwardly strong, brash woman lying under her, waiting for her to touch her. She pushed the fabric of Jasper's shirt up over her large breasts, enjoying how they looked in the black lace bra she was wearing. She grazed her lips against that bright diamond in the middle of Jasper's chest, while sliding her hand against her ribs, and up under her bra, squeezing her nipple between two fingers. This elicited quite the moan from the other woman, and it made Lapis stop and sit back up for a moment. Just in time too, because there was another knock on the door.

"Lapis! I just can't sleep knowing that you've been hurt, please let me in so we can talk!"

"Goddammit Pearl! Go away!" She yelled, sighing angrily.

"Just ignore her." Jasper said, taking Lapis' fingers and separating them before sticking them in her mouth. Lapis bit her lip, stifling the urge to respond. Jasper obviously didn't know Pearl that well.

Lapis waited, hearing no response, so she resumed what she was doing. She pulled her fingers from Jasper's mouth and pushed the larger woman's bra up, releasing both of her breasts from the fabric confinement. She bent down and was about to put one of those supple nipples into her mouth when she heard the doorknob jiggling.

"Lapis, I have your spare key, I'm coming in!"

 _Holy fucking shit._

Pearl walked in, just as Jasper and Lapis sat up and Jasper made herself decent. She shut the door behind her, flipped the light on, and froze when she saw them sitting there.

"W-What is _she_ doing here?"

"Pearl! You can't just barge into people's rooms anytime you want!" Lapis yelled a lot harsher than she wanted to.

The three of them stared at each other for a few long minutes. Pearl then walked up to Jasper and smacked her across the face. Lapis jumped up and pushed Pearl backwards with both palms. Jasper touched her face, silently in shock.

"I see what's happening here. You're covering for this _brute_. She's hurting you, isn't she! That's why you've been so different lately! I know _abuse_ when I see it Lapis! Your wrist, your neck, your face last week. She just can't keep her hands off you can she? She thinks you're weak, she thinks you're a pushover!" Pearl was screaming now, overcome by a deep surge of emotions. Lapis didn't know that Pearl cared about her, or even noticed her so much.

"Listen! You've got it all wrong. That wasn't a bruise it was a-"

"Good thing I already reported this to the Dean! He'll be investigating for sure, and calling both of your parents, and _you._ " The thin woman pointed at Jasper. "You'll probably be expelled or sent to jail!"

If Lapis was irritated before, she was absolutely furious now. She felt like her brain was splitting like patterns in a spider's web, breaking into several different horrible emotions she didn't want to deal with right now. She couldn't wrap her brain around what Pearl had just said to her. She watched Jasper stand and face Pearl, looming way over the thin woman, who stepped back a little.

"Get out!" She demanded harshly.

"Lapis...!"

"Get out Pearl! I don't _want_ your help!" Lapis screamed, before diving onto her bed and wailing incoherently into her pillow on her bed. Jasper held out her open palm to the intruding woman.

"Give me that _fucking_ key."

Pearl dropped it into her hand and fled. Lapis sobbed into her pillow violently, still trying to process what had just happened. All she wanted was to be happy, and everyone kept trying to take that away from her. Jasper slid on the bed next to her, the two of them hardly fit on her small bed. When they snuggled close enough, it worked out. Jasper patted her head, running her fingers through her hair lovingly, holding her face close to her chest.

Lapis wept, grabbing tufts of Jasper's hair and holding on tightly, afraid to let go.

"Lapis, we'll get through this. It's going to be okay." Jasper whispered, trying to comfort her.

It wasn't going to be okay though. Tomorrow was going to be the day of reckoning.


	9. Chapter 9

Lapis woke up the next morning cold and alone, and that's how it was supposed to be. She had kicked Jasper out at 1am without saying much, because she just couldn't face her yet. She needed time to process the situation on her own, and having that muscular woman there clouded her better judgment. She didn't know what to say to her, how to act around her; she didn't even know what to do. The next morning when she saw Pearl in the hallway, she gave her a murderous glare, shoving her shoulder into her as they crossed paths. She ended up knocking all the books and papers out of the bitch's hands as she rushed off to her class. Unfortunately, it was one she shared with Pearl, who she usually partnered up with. Not today though, she refused to sit next to the woman who imposed herself into her life. Instead, she sat in the front next to the only other person she recognized, Peridot.

Peridot was confused at first, but she didn't ask questions; she didn't really talk at all. It was Lapis who ended up initiating the conversation between them.

"Peridot, do your parents know you're a lesbian?" She asked bluntly.

Peridot looked at her for a moment, before turning back to her homework.

"Yes. They didn't at first, but they found out when I brought Jasper home with me on Christmas Break last year."

"How did they react?"

"Well, at first they were pissed, because my family is so conservative; and Jasper is the definition of ostentatious... I basically forced them to get to know her that week, and I weakened their resolve." Peridot had a permanent frown on her face while she spoke, adjusting her glasses when they slid down the bridge of her nose.

"Wow. They didn't threaten to disown you?" Lapis relaxed a little as she drew lines across the outside of her notebook paper.

"Oh of course they did. But, you see, when you have a daughter who's super intelligent and going for her PHD in engineering; and you don't want her to put you in a nursing home when you're old and decrepit, you get over your tedious views about _my_ sexual preference and start being more tolerant. They already knew when I turned 18 that I wasn't going to have children." Peridot put her pen down and allowed herself a small smile.

"Ah, I see..."

"So I guess this leads me to ask, why do you want to know?"

Lapis took a deep breath, and decided not to question the woman anymore. She didn't feel all that comfortable talking to someone who she knew still had _strong_ feelings for the woman she has been intimate with lately. She focused on the professor, while thinking about what she wanted for her future in the back of her mind. Was she willing to throw everything away? Or was she being selfish, expecting her parents to front all the money for her student loans... She couldn't help the fact that they wanted to put her through school, so she hadn't prepared at all to actually have to _work_ for her degree.

She sighed, unable to slow down her heart rate at all. She had the slightest wish in the darkest corner of her mind; a wish that she hadn't ever become tied up in this mess of self-acceptance, sexual orientation, parental controlling...

Peridot touched her lightly on the shoulder, and she saw that everyone in the room had left. She gathered her things and nodded at the blonde woman. She never answered her question, but she really didn't feel the need to. She headed back towards her dorm, wondering what Jasper was doing today on her day off of school. Only Lapis had classes _every_ day.

As Lapis approached her room, she saw Pearl talking to two people in front of her door. She dropped her bag when she saw her parents standing there, all concerned; with Pearl probably ramming a bunch of false information into their heads before she even had a chance to speak with them. She was just going to play it all off, but now... She reached for her bag, and saw that her hands were trembling. She slowly walked towards them. Pearl saw her, bowed a little, and backed into her room, shutting the door behind her.

"Mom, Dad." She acknowledged them softly. They didn't respond. She unlocked her dorm room door, and they all entered; she sat on her bed and looked at them while they sheepishly looked around and sat on her love seat.

"Honey, Pearl was telling us some things; also, your Dean called yesterday saying that you might be a victim of abuse. What's this all about?" Her Mom initiated the conversation. Lapis could tell she was on edge by the way the corners of her mouth kept twitching uneasily. Her father was more of a follower when it came to things that had to do with her personal life. Sometimes she wondered if he was even happy being with her mom.

She inhaled deeply.

"I'm not being abused, Mom. You were told wrong." She answered, trying to keep her voice from giving away the fact she was lying.

"Who is this 'Jasper' that Pearl was telling us about? Is he the one who's been hurting you?" Her Dad asked next, looking her straight in the eye.

"Dad, Jasper is a woman, and no, _no one_ is hurting me. I really wish you would have just called before showing up at college. I have so much homework to catch up on before the weekend-"

"Huh, that's an odd name for a woman." Her father said, completely ignoring what she was saying. This is why she never talked to them, they never gave her the time of day to actually _hear_ what she was trying to say.

"Lapis, let's just get to the point, okay? Pearl showed us a photo, well your father didn't pay attention but I saw it. The one where you were kissing that woman. Now, it's normal to experiment in college, but this behavior seems a bit chaotic, don't you think? Just because Buck broke up with you doesn't mean you're a lesbian. There are other men in the sea, other options over the horizon-"

"Okay first of all, I'm not _experimenting_. You guys just refused to listen to me when I try to tell you that I've _always_ been a lesbian; I've had to insert myself into therapy just to cope, because you don't support me at all! I am attracted to women, in all aspects of the word, and I'm tired of skirting around the bushes just because you think its sinful or something! It's my life, and so what if I'd rather spend my life with a woman and not a man? It's none of your business!" Lapis had stood up half-way through her rant, fists clenched, and she was practically screaming at the two humans who had brought her life into existence. All that emotion that's been bottled up for so long was overflowing, she could hardly contain it anymore.

"Stop! That's enough Lapis! You're speaking nonsense, and it's absolutely ridiculous; and I'm not going to sit here and listen to it." Her mother screamed back at her, her fake facade instantly melted when Lapis had changed her tone and had started speaking the truth. She didn't understand why her mother had such a problem with the idea of her liking girls. It was so stupid, and ignorant and...

"You're going to drop this, or we're pulling your funding and sending you to sexual orientation rehabilitation!"

Holy hell does a place like that actually exist? She didn't know much about the topic, Mrs. Universe would never have mentioned a place like that to her, because she believed in love, no matter what. She almost wished her therapist was her mother so this never would have to happen in this way.

"You can't do that! I'm 19 years old, an adult, and I refuse to go home with you!" She screamed back; her nails were digging so deeply into the palms of her hand, that they were starting to go numb.

"Did you just hear what I said, Lapis? Fine. Since you seem to be able to handle this all by yourself, we'll just go to the office right now and tell them to refund us next semester. When you come crawling back to us for support, I'll take you back with open arms when you admit you're wrong, possessed, whatever it is you need to tell yourself to get rid of these _sinful_ ideals. Then you'll go to rehab, and when you're fixed we can talk about this college thing again. I thought sending you here, to this small conservative community would keep you under wraps, but apparently there's always an impurity in a perfect gem, isn't there?" Her mother stood from the couch, and smoothed down the front of her pencil skirt, giving her a look that to Lapis, seemed crazed and psychotic. Her father followed suit, but he almost looked sorry, like he didn't really want to go through with it at all. They approached the door.

"W-Wait!"

Lapis felt something warm and wet trailing down the grooves in her skin. Her nails had dug into her palms causing them to bleed, and the blood was now trickling down her fingers. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest, she thought it was going to jump right out. Her head was spinning, and her breathing was short and raspy. Her mother turned, hands on her hips, a small smile curling on the edge of her lips.

"You're right..." Her voice broke as she tried to choke back the sob pushing its way up in the back of her throat. She couldn't live it down if she were kicked out of college and sent off to some crazy sexual orientation rehab facility. It was then that she shut of her emotions, her mind creating a sort of mental block to deal with the stress she was being put under. She looked at her mom, making eye contact with her. "I've just been... a little stressed. Please, I'll stop this behavior at once..."

 **JASPER**

Jasper was just getting out of a hot shower. She brushed her thick mane of sandy-white hair carefully, styling it so her undercut was hidden. She pulled it and tied it into a braid, and took out all of her piercings. She plucked her eyebrows, shaved her armpits, and applied deodorant. She found her most conservative looking shirt; which of course was just a plain black t-shirt, and pulled it on. She was surprised she still owned a t-shirt with sleeves, she usually had a hard time finding one that fit her biceps comfortably and usually ended up cutting or ripping the sleeves off. She groaned to herself as she pulled on her least holey pair of black jeans. Why were all her clothes black?

She didn't even recognize herself. She had an interview to go to though, and she had to look as socially presentable as she could. It was for some desk job at a construction company, that Amethyst said she had seen in the paper. The hours were for 5am-1pm, which was perfect so she could still attend school in the afternoons and evenings. Lapis didn't want her help, but she was going to do it anyway; especially if her parents came today and pulled her funding. Which, they probably would, if they really were as terrible as Lapis made them out to be. Jasper was determined to help where she could, _she wanted to do this for her._ She wanted to show Lapis she could be committed, and hopefully it would be the start to a true relationship for them.

She arrived for her interview 15 minutes early, and was immediately called into the HR office.

"Hi, you must be Jasper Jazu. Sorry, for some reason I was expecting someone-"

"A man right? You were expecting a man." Jasper interrupted the woman, groaning loudly.

"No, um, daintier was the word I was looking for." The woman laughed.

"Oh," She chuckled nervously, trying to make herself seem non-threatening and smaller. Which, for her was impossible.

"My name is Sarah, I'm the HR Manager here at Gem Corp, East City Construction Company. Nice to meet you. So, to start off, can you tell me a little about yourself?" Sarah asked, smiling warmly towards her and making the butterflies in her stomach calm a little.

"I'm a student at EC University, I live in a small apartment on the West side of town, and I'm very dependable." She replied smoothly. _God, she fucking sucked at this shit._ The words didn't even sound believable to herself, how was this woman supposed to trust her? Sarah wrote down a few things on her notepad.

"Okay, how did you hear about this job?"

"I saw an ad in the newspaper."

"I see. What are your strengths?"

 _Well fuck._ She could lift shit, punch shit, beat this woman's enemies into the ground... But she had reason to believe that wasn't exactly the kind of answer she was looking for.

"I uh... I work well under-pressure." She mentally face-palmed herself for that one. She was _terrible_ under pressure. When she was stressed, she was angry, and when she's angry, everyone around her was angry too.

"What are your weaknesses?"

 _A blue-haired woman with azure blue eyes, milky white skin, and an ass that could melt candle wax._

"I'm not much of a people person, but I've been working on it."

"Jasper," Sarah spoke, laughing a little at her expense. "I can tell you're nervous. I'll tell you what. You don't look like the type of person who can sit idly at a desk job all day doing boring paperwork."

 _Goddammit she blew it before she even had the chance to try._

"I'll tell you what. You look strong. You seem tough. I'm going to offer you a job in the construction branch of the company, seeing how we had some guys quit last week for reasons I guess I really don't need to explain. I think you could really be yourself while still being a strong female presence. I believe you could probably put all those gross stinky men to shame. It's hard work but if you can't handle it, just let me know. Same hours, 5a-1p, because I respect the fact that you're putting yourself through higher education. 20 dollars an hour to start, and after 90 days I'll raise you to 25, how does that sound?"

"T-Thank you!" Jasper gripped Sarah's hand tightly, maybe a little _too_ tightly. She realized this and released her grip. "Ah, I'm sorry, I got a little excited."

"Meet here on Monday at 4am okay? We'll start your orientation right away. Oh, and Jasper, I like your undercut, you don't need to hide it. I should tell you though with as much hair as you have it would probably be wise to keep it tied back and out of your way."

Jasper nodded.

 _Nailed it._ She laughed to herself as she went back to her apartment. She couldn't wait to share the good news with Lapis.

Xxx

The bounce Jasper had in her step faded when she entered the courtyard on campus. The clouds overhead were starting to get dark, and she threw up the hood on the hoodie put on before leaving her apartment. It was unnaturally cold today, but she supposed it _was_ late October, meaning it was only going to be getting colder. She saw there was a large crowd gathered around someone who was talking into a megaphone. She was about to just skirt around the edges, assuming it was someone preaching about some controversial topic they wanted everyone to support or something. That's when she noticed Amethyst; how that small woman always seemed to catch her eye made her laugh a little. The look she saw on her friends face though made any feeling of happiness dissipate. She rested her arm on Amethyst's head, the small woman flipped around and punched her in the gut.

"Oof! What. The fuck. Amethyst." She groaned, clutching her stomach. That girl could jab pretty hard with her meaty fists. She stood tall, looking over everyone's heads and saw Pearl was the one talking into the microphone. No wonder Amethyst was here, her obsession was clearly controlling her life.

"J.J I'm sorry, I'm a little on edge..."

"-abuse is not a joke! Just because you're stronger than someone, doesn't give you the right to push them around. Abuse should be reported, not tolerated in any form. We must stop the romanticization of abuse." Pearl shouted, her hands moving fluidly with her speech as she talked to the crowd of onlookers.

Jasper wondered why Pearl was doing this, maybe she herself had been abused. Jasper didn't condone abuse at all, but the definition of abuse was a spectrum, and some people were completely ignorant of some things, spouting off accusations without even knowing the truth. Kinda like how Pearl acted last night. She figured Pearl was actually talking about her when she was shouting out to this crowd. Whatever, she could be fuel for this persistent bitch, as long as Jasper knew that she wasn't abusing Lapis, and _Lapis_ knew that she wasn't abusing her. What she had done, was only done because she was fucked up on alcohol, and nothing more. She turned to leave, before she became even more pissed off than she already was. That's when she saw the hint of blue in the corner of her eyes.

"I'm Lapis Lazuli, and I'm a victim of abuse."

 _Are you fucking... kidding me..._

There was something off about Lapis though. Her eyes were downcast, and her hair was tussled wildly about her. That was unusual, she was normally very well groomed. Her voice sounded different too, she sounded like she was really hurt, like she didn't want to be up there talking. Maybe this was just Jasper's way of fabricating comfort for herself, instead of accepting the possibility that maybe she was being betrayed. That feeling was definitely starting to become more real as the woman talked about the night Jasper forced herself onto her.

The crowd was eating it right up.

"STOP!" Jasper screamed suddenly, causing everyone to turn and stare at her.

"What, you don't want her to call you out on your abuse?" A random person called from the crowd.

"You don't know what you're talking about you piece of trash!" She barked back. Everyone was dead silent now, and they were all staring at her. She felt her cheeks flush as a rage started to settle over her mind; she didn't need a damn megaphone to talk to this crowd.

"My daughter told us all about how you bullied her into doing stuff with you. How you put her in danger with gang violence, and how you brainwashed her into thinking she was a lesbian. I think it's pretty clear that you're just a broken imperfection, and that Lapis doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. You're at fault, you've always been at fault, and I think you should leave immediately." A woman she didn't know approached her, speaking down to her like she was scum on the bottom of her ugly pointy toed heels. This must be Lapis' fabled mother, who had taken the megaphone from her daughter with no resistance from the blue-haired girl at all.

Why was Lapis doing this? Again? Pushing her away, and giving into the norms of society? She didn't really seem to be enjoying it, but what did Jasper know? This woman has been back and forth for the last couple of weeks, flip-flopping around and juggling Jasper's heart between her hands. Lapis maybe didn't realize it, but she had Jasper hooked, and she wasn't going to just let her go without a fight. Even if this was going to be the last chance she had to prove a point to this woman, she wasn't going to just walk away. She was never good at that anyway.

She just wanted Lapis to be happy, so if this was the final moment, she was going to make it her point of no return and go out with a bang; even if that meant sacrificing her own happiness for her. She felt rain drops on her cheeks, and pulled her hoodie down so her face could be plainly seen. Jasper shoved past the people who blocked her path, coming toe to toe with Lapis' mother and father.

"Lapis, please listen to me! I don't know what you want, but I can't let this end without at least telling you what's on my mind. Lapis Lazuli, _I'm in love with you._ " She stared past Lapis' parents, making eye contact with the girl she was pouring her heart out to. "If you can tell me to my face that you're not in love with me, then I'll leave right now. I'll be gone for good; because I can't _take_ this pain anymore. I can't _feel_ the way I _feel_ about you; knowing that you want me to just sneak around pretending that I don't feel this way. Lapis, _do you love me?_ " She gazed longingly at her, watching her body language, her eyes, her breathing.

Nobody moved. Even when the rain started pouring heavier, and thunder crackled above them. Lapis' eyes were overflowing with tears now, and Jasper felt her heart sinking heavier and heavier into her chest. This was it then, she was going to be made the fool for confessing her undying love in a crowd of 100 people that already hated her. She ground her teeth a little, refusing to let herself cry, because if she did, she'd probably turn into an emotional wrecking ball and break the nearest persons bones in half just for looking at her funny.

She couldn't wait any longer. She turned abruptly on her heel and shoved her way through the crowd again, away from the woman who was breaking her heart.

" _Wait!_ "

Her breath caught in her throat, and the tears streamed down her face freely as she turned to see Lapis screaming, running past her parents and towards her. The people let her through easily, and when Lapis reached her, Jasper scooped her up in her arms and they kissed shamelessly. Was that... cheering she heard in the background?

Lapis cupped Jasper's face with her hand, and wiped away the tears from her cheeks.

"I love you, Jasper, and I'm not going to let anyone tell me otherwise, _ever._ I'm done being everyone's emotional prisoner, because that's exactly what my parent's were doing to me. Keeping me trapped behind the notion that I _needed_ their money to get through life sufficiently. Well fuck that, Jasper, I just want to be with you. You make me happy, and I love that feeling." Lapis confided in her, tucking her hair behind her hair cutely.

"Say good-bye to your funding Lapis, you-"

"FUCK OFF." Both Jasper and Lapis yelled. They looked at each other and giggled.

"You are the worst fucking parents I've ever had the displeasure of meeting! Disowning your own daughter because of what, who she wants to form intimate sexual and emotional relationships with? That's just stupid. I don't know how to explain it better, but it's not like our relationship has anything to do with you, or anyone's lives! I bet you didn't even know that just recently, your daughter tried to commit suicide, and _I_ was the one who was able to talk her down. _I'm_ going to be the one protecting her now, and if any of you _fuckheads_ wants, you can fucking fight me about it. If I so much as see any of you bullying her, I'll _beat your fucking faces in."_ Jasper growled at everyone, and spat at the ground towards Lapis' parents feet. Lapis said nothing, but Jasper could see the smallest smile twinkling in her eyes. She carried the blue-haired woman off towards her dorm.

 **LAPIS**

Lapis was an emotional tornado trapped inside of a small glass snow globe, that had been shaken and shaken, until she had felt absolutely sick. She hated herself for what she had almost done; she had almost gone through with shaming Jasper in front of the crowd of people outside, but when Jasper confessed her love to her, the emotional chains that bound her broke, and she could finally breath again. Surprisingly enough, she now felt _elated_. Kissing officially and declaring their love in front of 100 people was a strange, exciting feeling; it made her blood pump furiously throughout her body. She would worry about the consequences of her actions later. For now, she was happy and wanted to experience it a little longer.

She slid out of Jasper's arms when they entered her room. She went into her closet and pulled out several large suitcases, and put them on her bed.

"What are you doing?" Jasper asked her, standing back by the door out of her way.

"I can't stay here. Can I move in with you?" She didn't even wait for a reply before pulling all her dresses from her closet and shoving them into a suitcase.

"Sure."

"Great!" Lapis continued packing all the things she saw as absolutely necessary; her underwear, shirts, pants, makeup, books, bedding... She looked around and hurried into the bathroom, swiping things into a plastic bag. It took her about 45 minutes to get all of the things she needed.

"You should write online erotica for a living, Dewdrop. You're fucking good at it." Jasper called to her from the love seat. Lapis looked over at her and blushed deeply. That accursed woman was reading her journal again!

"Don't you have a sense of privacy?" She questioned, knowing full well that the answer was going to be a big fat _no_. She grabbed the journal from Jasper's large hands and shoved it deep into her suitcase.

"I could do all those things to you, y'know."

"Don't be daft!"

Jasper just chuckled, walking past Lapis and squeezing her ass before hoisting the suitcases onto her shoulder.

"H-hey!" She jumped a little, smoothing down her skirt.

"Let's go." Jasper said, waiting for Lapis to open the door for her. They went out into the hallway, and ran into Pearl on their way out. Jasper kept walking, but Lapis stopped.

"Jasper, I'll meet you at your car."

"Whatever." The muscular woman trotted off, grumbling harshly under her breath.

Lapis faced Pearl, who was struggling with sticking her key in the door. She looked extremely sad, and completely defeated.

"Pearl." She said, gaining the thin woman's attention.

Pearl looked at her cautiously.

"I appreciate you looking out for me, but you can't assume things. What you thought was a bruise on my neck, was a hickey, okay? A harmless, very large hickey. I was embarrassed about it. You know how this school is.. Small and everyone knows everything about everyone. If you would have just stopped to listen to me, I would have told you the truth." She explained.

Pearl blushed deeply, and twiddled her thumbs in front of her chest.

"I... overreacted. I..." Pearl wiped the tears from her eyes with her palm. "I watched a very close friend of mine struggle and suffer in an abusive relationship, and they lost the battle and ended up being killed by the person they were protecting. I... I can see now how much you two really care about each other, if that wasn't proven by you kissing in front of all those people. I'm sorry Lapis."

Lapis couldn't keep herself from hugging the woman. After all, Pearl had been her catalyst, changing the course of her life in the _right_ direction. Lapis would think of her in that way from now on, not as a person who had _destroyed_ her life. She didn't think she would have actually had the guts to do it on her own.

"Pearl, you're a good person. Don't forget that. Very imposing and blunt, but good."

"Thanks."

Lapis said good-bye and hurried off, happy to not have to live in this stuffy dorm anymore. She was sure Jasper was probably irritated with her by now for making her wait so long. Oh well, she could wait, they now had plenty of time to spend together.

Xxx

"Oh my God Jasper, your apartment is still clean. It's a miracle." Lapis stated as she watched Jasper drop her suitcases onto the floor next to the couch.

"Yeah, I haven't really had the chance to mess it up yet. I've been busy."

"You're such a slob."

"Eh, whatever."

"Ugh."

Lapis went into the bedroom with one of her suitcases and put it on the bed. She went into the bathroom, surprised at the fact that it was actually clean as well. It still smelled like Jasper's body wash, and she inhaled deeply, letting the scent settle into her senses.

"Hey," Jasper said, opening the door, "I ordered take-out, and a _lot_ of it. I'm fucking hungry."

"Oh, okay."

"Also, I got a job. Full time, 20 dollars an hour. 5am-1pm, Monday through Friday."

Lapis looked up at the larger woman in shock. "Where would you.. why would you..."

"Construction. I get to lift shit, and put all those little boys to shame. I want most of the money to go towards your bills, since you know, you're going to need it."

"No, I don't."

"Just let me do this for you. _I want to do this for you._ " Jasper pleaded.

Lapis looked at her for a long time, until the doorbell rang, and the larger woman left to get the food from the delivery person. She went out into the living room and sat at the table, looking at all the food spread out across it.

"Wow, you really weren't joking... You could feed a lot of people with this amount of food." She laughed.

"Or myself."

Lapis dished herself up some food, and ate slowly as Jasper stuffed her face with food. The larger woman acted like she was starving. I guess muscle wasn't just something that was sustained by oxygen after all.

 **JASPER**

10pm. Jasper was laying on the couch, watching some program on TV about healthy eating. She was too lazy to sit up and get the remote to change the channel. Her eyelids started to droop, thinking about low calories and all sorts of colorful vegetables. She was only awakened when her small girlfriend lifted up her blanket and crawled onto her, covering them both. She sniffed Lapis' hair, breathing in the scent of her almond and coconut scented shampoo.

"Jasper?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you, for dragging me to my senses earlier. I was so afraid." Lapis said softly, stroking Jasper's arm with her thumb.

"Of course." She didn't really know what to say to that, at this point she was just so damn tired. Thank God tomorrow was Saturday.

"Not to change the subject, but what are you going to do about Y.D?"

That was a good question. She hadn't had much time to think about the Gang Leader, and what her ultimate goals were for wanting her back. It couldn't just be that she was good at stealing cars and trafficking drugs. No, she must have something bigger planned. She wouldn't know until she dug for some information. Something she didn't want to do right now. She stroked Lapis' hair, and closed her eyes.

"I dunno Lapis..."

It didn't take long for both of them to pass out together.


	10. Chapter 10

Lapis loaded the last of her things from her dorm room into the trunk of Jasper's car. She wiped the sweat from her brow, closed the trunk, and locked the doors. It was a Saturday, and it had been a week since her and Jasper had officially 'gone public.' Jasper had started her construction job, and by the end of the week she had a nice tan going for her from being in the sun. They only had about a month and a half left before the snow came, but by then, her muscular girlfriend would be laid off and able to take unemployment.

The evening hours they spent together; talking, cuddling, kissing, these were all the things she missed about being in a deep relationship with someone. Jasper had started teaching her how to fight too, so she could defend herself in case someone attacked her. Before she could actually throw punches that would hurt, she'd have to build up her muscle; which was why she was headed to the weight room, where her girlfriend had been for an hour already working out.

She walked in to see Jasper surrounded by about 5 or 6 beefy, _huge_ men; the stink of musk and sweat threatened to choke her as the aura hung around her heavy like a fog. Jasper was laying on the bench press, doing her reps. Lapis could hardly see her from where she was, behind these huge men. She could see her hair was pulled back from her face, and she was wearing only a black sports-bra; and what appeared to be yoga pants. Her skin was glistening from her sweat; her face stuck in a look of fierce determination and pride.

 _Damn she was hot._

"Hey Blue, get up here. How can you see from back there?" One of the beefy guys who she recognized as a regular here, stepped to the side, and she squeezed between them so she had a better view. Now she could see clearly how Jasper's biceps rippled under the weight of the barbell, straining to lift it back onto its rack. Jasper noticed her standing there, and sat up to look at her.

"Hey Dewdrop." Jasper exhaled, steadying her breathing and wiping her brow from the drops of sweat beading there. Lapis blushed furiously, noticing the jealous looks the guys were giving her, and shoved her way past them to go and change into her work out clothes. She had just bought some new ones; a sports-bra, tank-top and shorts, with new blue tennis shoes. She looked at her reflection, holding up her shirt to look at her flat stomach. How in the world was she ever going to measure up to _her?_

"Man, I didn't know a woman could have muscles like that." One of the guys muttered as she strode past, walking around the small group of friends.

"Hey." Lapis looked up to see one of the guys was actually addressing her, because he cornered her against the wall; placing one of his hands next to her with his palm pressing hard against the cold concrete. "I've never seen you here. Name's Jason. I'm the strongest guy around, what's your name sweetie?"

Ew. This guy was seriously trying to hit on her. She looked around him, but didn't see Jasper anywhere. Ugh. What was she going to do? His breath smelt too much like he just brushed his teeth, giving it a sickly sweet aroma; and what was up with those eyebrows? The cocky grin held on his face made her feel sick, as she shrunk against the wall trying to make herself seem smaller as her body threatened to enter flight mode.

"Excuse me, I'm busy." She said, ducking under his outstretched bicep. He was persistent though, following her closely as she traversed across the room.

"Oh come on now, don't be like that. I could help you train, and maybe afterwards you'll let me take you to dinner."

"No thanks." She said sharply, trying to swallow, but her mouth had gone terribly dry.

He apparently wasn't going to take no for an answer, because he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into him, grabbing her arm roughly. She felt her body freezing up, she couldn't believe this guy was doing this to her when she blatantly told him 'no.'

"Hey, what the fuck!" She screamed, causing the other guys to drop their weights and watch them curiously.

"Yo man, you better let Blue go before Jasper sees you." The guy she had recognized earlier piped up, crossing his arms across his chest. The others followed suit, all standing there and watching them..

"Ha, who the hell is _Jasper?_ "

"I'm Jasper."

Lapis stumbled backwards as Jasper appeared next to her and slugged the guy in the jaw, knocking him backwards into a shelf of dumbbells. She stood in front of Lapis protectively as he picked himself up, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth.

"I thought I clearly heard Lapis say 'No.' Since when did it become okay to harass people?" Jasper roared angrily, her voice was seething with her enmity, sounding gravelly and hoarse.

Jason eyed Jasper with widened eyes, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Lapis almost felt pathetic, like his eyes were burning straight into her with a harsh hatred of her. He looked up at the buff woman who had cuffed him, his eyes growing even wider with realization.

"You're Jasper Jazu... Y.D's right hand. My bad, I don't want any trouble." He whimpered, his tough facade fading away as he cowered before her.

"You're damn right you don't; and that's ex-right hand!" Jasper exerted her dominance by punching her fist against her open palm and shoving her foot against the guys head. She grinned wildly, and turned to face Lapis. "You okay babe?"

She nodded, grabbing one of Jasper's fingers and leading her down and out one of the doors that led to the basketball court. She was so embarrassed, she didn't even speak to the woman, let alone anything else. She held up her fists, and they began their training exercises.

The next hour was spent kicking and punching Jasper's open palms. Jasper berated her, and drilled into her, and it was pissing her off. She was getting so into it, Lapis was starting to feel the words she was saying to her starting to sink in and send sharp prickles into her chest. She was trying her hardest, and Jasper calling her a 'wimp' was not helping. At one point she was so angry she screamed, blocked Jasper's punch with her arm, and shoved her fist right up into her jaw, causing the larger woman to stumble back and clutch her face.

"Nice one..." Jasper groaned, rubbing her now sore chin.

"Do you have to be such a bitch? I'm your girlfriend, not one of your janked up muscle buddies." She shouted, huffing as she attempted to catch her breath.

"I think we're going to be done for the day. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just so pumped up, and I got a little carried away." Jasper reached towards her, but Lapis turned away from her, firmly putting her hands on her hips.

"Yeah okay. I want to go home."

What she was saying and what she were thinking weren't even close to being in sync. She was just frustrated with herself for letting the larger woman get to her so easily. The incident with Jason had made her feel weak and helpless, like she couldn't even protect herself. She didn't need Jasper swooping in to rescue her, as nice as the gesture seemed on the outside, it made her feel like she wasn't capable, and it was aggravating. If Y.D ever cornered her all she'd be able to do is annoy her with her crying, and maybe throw a few weak punches.

"You wanna shower here or at home? I don't think anyone else is here using them." Jasper asked, putting her large hand on the back of Lapis' neck and squeezing it. The pressure on her tense muscles felt nice, taking away from the throbbing headache she was getting.

"Um..."

"I personally am sick of smelling myself and would like to shower now."

"That's fine."

They entered the girl's locker room, and she sat on a bench, stretching her legs out in front of her while watching Jasper pull the ponytail holder out of her wild sand colored hair. The larger woman shook her hand through it, seemingly becoming frustrated with how tangled and twisted her hair was. Lapis still blushed deeply when Jasper stripped naked; the larger woman didn't even bother covering herself. She had absolutely no shame.

"Are you coming?" Jasper asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Uh...Sure."

She didn't know why she was acting all embarrassed, she had seen Jasper naked plenty of times, and vice versa. She peeled off her sweaty clothes and shoved them into her duffel bag. She grabbed her towel and snuck past the curtain into the shower area.

Jasper had every shower head going on super hot, making it extremely steamy and warm. The showering area was a large open room, with stand alone shower poles scattered about. One shower station had 5 shower heads circled around a small ledge for people to set their shampoo and other personal hygiene things on. Lapis hung her towel up and stood in the corner letting the hot water beat against her sore muscles. She closed her eyes and relaxed, lathering her body with her favorite coconut scented body wash. She inhaled deeply, knitting her eyebrows at the scent of the familiar 'Old Spice' scent that was filling her nose.

"Hey, let me use your loofah." Jasper said, reaching over Lapis' shoulder, trying to grab her loofah from her.

"Um no, get your own." She giggled, clutching the loofah tightly to her chest.

Jasper dug her fingers into Lapis' sides, which tickled so terribly; she threw her hands back in laughter, smacking the larger woman in the nose. Jasper took this as an opportunity to grab her loofah and walk away with it. Lapis sighed, and rinsed herself off.

"Hey, are you ready? I'm done." Jasper came back over to her a few minutes later, and gave her her loofah back. Lapis noted the larger woman observing her with an over confident smile across her face. The larger woman turned around to start turning the showers off, and Lapis found herself staring at the 7 still reddened scars across her back. The sight still saddened her, and she still felt like those welts were all her fault.

"Yeah, let's go." She said softly, becoming lost in her own thoughts.

xxx

Lapis gazed out the window silently on the ride home. Jasper played her music, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the song. She pulled up into the driveway, and they both headed silently into the apartment.

"Jasper, do you want to go to a party tonight? I heard Amethyst saying one of the frat's were having a keg and an open to all party tonight."

"What, you want to go to a party? With alcohol? Why?" Jasper asked, plopping down on her spot on the couch. She picked up her hairbrush off the coffee table and started tugging through her hair, the ripping sounds grated against Lapis' ears and made her grimace. She grabbed the brush from Jasper's hand, to her dismay, and gently started to work out the knots for her.

"I just want to unwind, I feel like I'm stir-crazy... Besides underage drinking is exciting..." She explained, slowing down her movements. She took a lock of Jasper's hair between her fingers and rubbed them together while she started to think about what could happen if alcohol was involved in their life at this moment.

All her experiences with Jasper and alcohol weren't that great, but she was hoping drinking some herself would loosen her up a little. She was still irritated, the events from earlier still weighed heavy on her mind.

"If you want to go, great. I'm not staying sober this time. If you're insisting on going out to a party, I'm getting _fucking_ drunk, and you can lead _my_ ass home. Man, if Amethyst is gonna be there... We used to get invited to parties all the time just to make them more interesting, we can be very rambunctious..." Jasper said, grinning mischievously to herself.

"Oh great... Well, I'm going to get ready then."

 **JASPER**

When they arrived at the party, Jasper had to wonder why Amethyst hadn't mentioned this keg party sooner. It was bustling with students; she recognized a lot of people there. Lapis split away from her to converse with Pearl, who had formally apologized to Jasper a million times since their incident.

The thin woman told her the story about her friend, and Jasper actually felt bad for her. Lapis explained that she was only trying to help in her own weird way.

She was still pissed about the guy from the weight room that had tried coming onto Lapis. She felt the urge to hunt that guy down and beat the shit out of him for even thinking that he could mess with her girl. _Her girl._ The thought still sent shivers down her spine. Jason? She didn't even recognize the guy, and she worked out there a lot.

She made her way into the house, and immediately grabbed two red solo cup's full of beer. She didn't even want beer, she had to drink so much to even feel a buzz from it; and at this point she just wanted to get smashed. She turned around and came face to face with the 'Red Devil' Almandine.

"You." She sputtered, squeezing her fist around the cup causing it to spill all over her hand and onto the floor.

Almandine's arm was still up in a sling, with a dark red cast covering it. Almandine actually had fear in her eyes when she made eye contact with Jasper, and she found this _very_ curious.

"It's your fault Y.D broke my arm you know. If you would have just died, then I'd still be..." Almandine complained, grabbing one of Jasper's beers from her and chugging it down.

"What, Y.D finally scraped you off the bottom of her filthy shit covered boot? No longer her number one bitch, huh." She taunted the red-head, chugging the beer in her other hand, and grabbing two more.

"If _she_ wouldn't have shown up, you woulda bled to death, and your little girlfriend would have been left _all alone._ Well, depending on what Y.D wanted to do with her. She already has an idea of what she's going to do to that blue-haired pain in her ass. Y.D thinks she's the only thing standing between you and rejoining her. What do we do to people who get in the way?" Almandine was laughing now, chugging more beer between her sentences.

Jasper clenched her teeth, grabbed Almandine around the neck, and shoved her hard against the opposing wall. A few people gasped, but no one bothered to even try to stop them when they saw it was Jasper and Almandine who were tussling.

"You shut the fuck up and leave Lapis alone. Tell me what Y.D is planning, Almandine. Why does she want me? Don't you dare fucking lie to me, or I'll break your other arm. You know damn well that I will too." She growled furiously, anger boiling in her chest as she squeezed Almandine's neck even tighter. She could feel the woman's blood pumping under the tips of her fingers, an odd thing to notice at this moment in time.

"There are _two_ gangs who fight over control of this city. Y.D wants complete control, so she and her drug money can live it up in the rich life. She needs the best fighters on her side in order to achieve that goal, since she's sworn off the use of guns."

Jasper loosened her grip a little, but she still kept Almandine pinned against the wall. Was she trying to hint that there was going to be some sort of turf war? It sounded so archaic, brawling for control of a city. She didn't actually know anything about a second gang, she must have left before it had even become relevant. Well, maybe it was just because she was too busy with Peridot to even care about the inner workings of gang related politics.

"What second gang?" She hissed between her teeth, never dropping her gaze with the bitch in front of her.

"You mean to tell me you didn't know about the _Crystal_ Gang? Stupid name, I know, but their leader isn't a woman you want to mess with. She's a vindictive vigilante with fists of steel and a 'heart of gold.' Bleh, makes me sick just thinking about it. They keep busting our operations on the East side of the city. They're more like an anti-gang, but still a gang nonetheless. Not that it matters..."

Jasper slammed her forehead down against Almandine's, before shoving her elbow hard against the woman's cheek. The red-haired woman started to whimper painfully, fueling her desire to make the woman fucking bleed.

"Jasper? What are you doing?"

Jasper immediately backed away from Almandine, who rubbed her neck and glared back at her. Jasper put her arm around her small girlfriend, and led her back over to the beer, seeing someone had been nice enough to leave out a bottle of vodka for her. She snatched it up and they went outside to join Amethyst, Pearl, and to her surprise, Peridot. She rolled her eyes at Amethyst who was scrunching her shirt up in her fists nervously. They sat at the table and she took a large raw gulp of the burning liquid, loving the hot sensation it created as it slid down her throat.

"-She said to me, she said that... it was in a _banana_ suit..." Pearl snorted, taking a huge drink from the solo cup in front of her. Her cheeks were flushed, and Jasper was pretty sure that the thin woman was drunk. Nothing she was saying was making any sense to her. She drank a little more, until finally her mind seemed to be turning into one big jumbled pile of mush.

"Jasper you never answered me." Lapis said, taking a hold of her hand and squeezing it under the table tightly.

"It don't matter. Nothing important." She looked down at the small woman sitting next to her, and bit her lip at how cute she looked. She didn't notice earlier how flushed Lapis' face was, or how she seemed to be struggling internally with herself, bouncing her leg constantly like she was antsy and anxious about something.

"Lapis. Lapis Lazuli. What's it..." Pearl hiccuped, and covered her mouth with her hand. "What's having sex with a woman like?"

"Wow Pearl, that mouth of yours has no filter whatsoever." Peridot said, sipping on her drink disdainfully. Jasper watched Lapis curiously, and she swore she saw a smile curling in the corner of her mouth.

"I bet... Amethyst could show you." Jasper said quickly. Her friend kicked her heel into her shin, and Jasper whined, reaching down and rubbing it with her hand.

Pearl, either choosing to ignore Jasper, or plain just didn't want to hear what she said, got up on her knees and leaned across the table, gazing intently at Lapis waiting for a response.

"I am genu.. genuine... genuinely curious to know, I'm not trying to offend anyone."

 _ **Bzzt.**_

Jasper pulled her phone out of her pants pocket and looked at it.

 **'Ur a goddamn asshole JJ. Shes so drunk... Her skirt is all up in the back n I can see her panties... y did she wear such a short skirt... what do I do?'**

Jasper looked around sheepishly, everyone was absorbed into Lapis' lesbian sex explanation, so she texted her back quickly.

 **'I dunno bro. I mean, you're both drunk so...'**

 **'I'm not drunk.'**

 **'What? Wow.'**

 **'She's so damn hot.'**

 **'Suck it up and go for it. The worst she can do to you is say no. U'** She accidentally hit the send button before finishing the message, because Lapis had squeezed her inner thigh, causing her finger to twitch and hit 'send.' She put her phone back in her pocket, and focused her attention on to whatever Lapis was talking about.

"It's all about relaxing. _Easing_ into the fluid motion of being one single entity, bodies sliding against one another while your fingers and mouth explore every inch of each others tender places..."

Jasper swallowed, starting to feel a little heated. Pearl and Peridot were glued to their seats, taking drinks occasionally and listening to Lapis attentively. Lapis' hand was still resting against Jasper's thigh, squeezing it occasionally as she spoke. The blue-haired girl's demeanor was changing, and she was thinking maybe the alcohol Lapis had been consuming was finally settling into her blood, bringing out the side of Lapis she sometimes wished she saw more often.

"You have to focus on what you're feeling," Lapis' voice was low and smooth, and her hand slid farther between Jasper's thighs, causing the larger woman to lean forward and rest her elbows on the table. She hoped no one could see the need flickering on her face, or the devious girl's hand under the table. "It's not necessarily about what's at the end of the journey, but how you... _get there._ "

Lapis was such a tease when she was drunk, knowing full well she couldn't respond without blatantly giving herself away. Lapis smiled knowingly, bringing her hand back down into her own lap.

"I see... Lapis, thanks for sharing. I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable." Pearl said, laughing awkwardly to herself.

"Hey Jasper," Amethyst piped up, "do you want to go and find some more alcohol with me? I could use some more alcohol."

Jasper gladly took the opportunity to follow her friend, looking forward to the chance to clear her mind.

They went into the house, and Amethyst handed her a shot of something that someone was passing around through the group of people standing around in the house. They sat on the stairs that led up to the second floor, and drank.

"Oh my God J.J. She just sat there and talked about sex like it didn't even bother her. You shouldn't allow that girl to drink." Amethyst groaned, grabbing her head and pulling back her hair through her fingers.

"What, you think I control what she does? No." She laughed. "You know what I _do_ think though? I think Pearl is a closeted lesbian, or at least interested in finding out. While Lapis was talking, I couldn't help but notice her subtle looks towards you, or the way she bit her lip. Y'know what, you just need to ask her if she's interested. If you blow this chance, who knows when you'll get another shot."

"And when she wakes up in the morning hurt and pissed off?"

"Then you blame alcohol and pray to God she understands."

Jasper's phone vibrated signaling she had received a text message.

 **'I miss you, come back and let's play.'**

 **'Play?'**

"Hey Amethyst, do you know about the Crystal Gang?" She asked, staring at her phone, waiting for it to light up with a response from her horny girlfriend.

"Where did you hear that?" Amethyst asked it a hushed voice, looking around to see if anyone had heard her.

"Almandine said something about them to me..."

"Don't ask anymore questions okay?" Amethyst snapped at her, giving her a glare she hadn't seen on her face for years. She looked at her phone, realizing she had about five missed messages from Lapis.

 **'Don't pretend you don't know.'**

 **'Do you really not know?'**

 **'I think Pearl's super gay.'**

 **'Oh my God please come back...'**

 **'That's it, we're coming for you.'**

Jasper looked up from her phone to see Lapis, Pearl, and Peridot; arms linked together walking towards them. Jasper and Amethyst stood, and they all formed a circle.

"Hey Pearl, tell Amethyst what you told me just a few minutes ago." Lapis smiled, nudging Pearl in the side with her elbow.

"Oh Lapis, I couldn't possibly, it was so _lewd_ of me to even mention that." Pearl giggled, waving the notion off like it were the silliest thing she'd ever done.

"I think she'd appreciate it, really." Lapis coaxed, giving Pearl a sly smile.

"Oh, Alright."

Jasper watched as Pearl leaned down and cupped her hand around Amethyst's ear, whispering something only the small, thicker woman could hear. Amethyst's jaw dropped and her face turned a dark red color. Pearl held her hand out to Amethyst and the two of them disappeared off into a dark part of the house.

"What was _that_ all about?" Jasper asked, putting her arm around Lapis' shoulders.

"I'm pretty sure I just made Amethyst's fucking night, that's what just happened," Lapis laughed, holding her hand in front of her mouth.

"Well, this has been most interesting, but I'm going to go home. Do you two want a ride?" Peridot asked, eyeing them expectantly.

"Yeah that would be great." Jasper led her girlfriend out to Peridot's car, loving the sounds of jealousy she heard from the blonde woman.

They rode in Peridot's little Prius, sitting squished together in the backseat. Jasper had to sit forward so that her head wasn't crushed against the rounded low-hanging ceiling. Lapis ended up laying her head on Jasper's lap and holding onto her arm tightly; her body curling up into the fetal position.

"I think I drank too much." The smaller woman groaned. Jasper lightly touched her hand against Lapis' arm, moving her hand up comfortingly, and leaving it laying on her shoulder. All-in-all the day made for an interesting one. She looked out the window, and noticed they were going the long way around to her apartment, and for some reason Peridot was taking her through the ghetto. Jasper swore she saw that Jason guy talking to someone on the side of the street, but Peridot kept driving, safely delivering them to their apartment.

"Peridot, why did you drive through the ghetto?" She asked, carrying Lapis in her arms out of the car.

"What are you talking about, I always drive that way, it's faster." The blonde woman scoffed, waiting for Jasper to shut the door so she could drive home.

"Whatever."

Jasper carried Lapis into the apartment; Lapis went straight to bed because she didn't feel well at all. Jasper sat on the couch and stared at her hands. A sense of foreboding hung over her, as she wondered what was _really_ going on in gang-related politics.

 **Man this chapter kinda feels so bleh. I guess they all can't be crazy awesome. Until next time!**


	11. Chapter 11

"They want me to go into work today; we're trying to finish up the overpass over on that bad intersection on the freeway within the next few days. Which means we have to all work extra hard if we want to get done on time." Jasper explained to Lapis while pulling on her black steel-toed work boots, and lacing them up tightly.

"I hardly get to spend time with you as it is, and when you finally have a day off, you go to work anyway. How is that fair?" Lapis pouted as she was cooking up some breakfast for the both of them to share. She had woken up with a monster headache, and an appetite big enough to put a bear to shame. She didn't understand why she was so hungry, especially after going to bed the previous night with her stomach tied up into horribly intricate knots.

She dished breakfast of eggs, toast, and bacon out for them, and set the table while Jasper was tying her hair back out of her face. She poked at her eggs with her fork and sighed, breaking the yolks and spreading it around carelessly.

"It's only for a few more weeks." The larger woman replied, spreading jelly on her toast and piling on the egg and bacon to make a sandwich she could eat more easily. She watched Jasper stick the sandwich in her mouth, grab her keys, and head out the door. Lapis stood in the doorway as Jasper drove away; she took out her phone and dialed a familiar number.

"It's a wash! Car Wash! This is Steven, how may I help you?"

"Hey Steven, how are you?" Lapis asked, happy that her friend had answered the phone so quickly.

"Lapis Lazuli? Hey! I'm fantastic! We're having a slow day down at the car wash. Oh! This guy tried bringing his boat, but guess what? It was fat."

"Oh really?" Lapis giggled, thinking of a fat boat trying to fit into Steven's standard sized car wash.

"Well, Dad likes to help people out but, we just pulled the boat out and washed it by hand. It was a lot of work, and I'm kinda pooped out now."

"Sounds like you could use a break. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out? I could catch a bus over to Beach City and we could do whatever." She suggested, pacing the living room anxiously.

"Actually, Mom won tickets to Funland over a Radio giveaway, and she's too busy to go. Do you wanna go?"

Lapis thought about Funland, Beach City's main tourist attraction, and it had been a long time since she had gone there.

"As long as we don't ride the teacups..." She said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Don't even mention that ride to me..." Steven laughed nervously. "Is it just you? Or were you... going to bring... Jasper..."

"Oh, it's just me, Steven. I have so much to tell you. Jasper is at work right now and... I'll just tell you when I get there, okay?"

"Okay!"

xxx

Lapis walked casually up to Steven's beach house; a medium sized white colored home that was partially inlaid into the side of a large cliff on the beach. It was beautiful, and had the best view in all of Beach City; in her opinion. The idea of waking up and smelling the fresh open salt-water breeze; with seagulls pleasantly chirping in the background was enough to make Lapis jealous at how fortunate her best friend was to live here. What she wouldn't give to live here, away from the drama of the big city.

"Hey Lapis!" Steven stuck his head out of the window and waved at her. She waited patiently for him to meet her outside, laughing at his dumb t-shirt that said 'Professional Beach Hunk' on it. They walked along the shore, and she was enjoying this simple pleasure away from all the stress school had been causing her.

"So, what's new with you? How is Jasper's back, by the way?" He added, picking up seashells as they ambled along.

"She's great Steven, she'll always have those scars, but they've healed up nicely. A lot has happened since then though. To put it bluntly, her and I are officially together now." Lapis said, feeling her cheeks flush at the proclamation. "It's better than I had imagined, and it just feels so right, I just can't explain it."

She continued to try and explain everything to him, and instead of the look of concern he wore on his face the last time they had conversed, he had a bright smile and a twinkle in his eyes throughout the telling of her story. She left out the private bits, only vaguely stating that they had shared that ultimate connection with one another. When she was finished, he stopped walking, and she followed suit, confused as to why he would.

"If all that is true, which it is because you would never lie to me, then I am truly happy for you! It sounds to me like she really cares; cares enough to change and be a better person." He said happily, chucking the shells he was holding into the ocean.

"Change? Steven, I don't want her to change, I... I love her for who she is." She frowned at him.

"But..."

"She's passionate, strong, and cares deeply about me. I understand at times she can be hot-headed and brash, but none of us are perfect. She's strong in her beliefs and ideals, and just needs to work harder at expressing herself in a more healthy way... She hasn't hurt herself since that day, when I found her... I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love her for who she is; I never had this idea in my head of wanting to change her..."

Did she? Now she was unsure of herself. All she had wanted to do was make Jasper feel like she didn't need to resort to such harmful ways of emotional release; like cutting and drinking heavily, or picking fights with people stronger than her. Was that considered trying to change her? Why did hanging out with Steven always make her think so deeply about her life? She shook the thoughts from her head, and sighed.

"Let's just go to Funland."

Lapis and Steven rode the roller coaster, and all thoughts about anything that was bothering her were gone. She had a lot of fun eating cotton candy and playing carnival games. They bobbed for apples, and Lapis managed to pick the winning apple. She had a choice of a large prize, so she chose a fluffy stuffed tiger; instead of a terribly sewn together stuffed lion that looked like it had been hand-sewn with the lights shut off.

She carried it close to her as they made their way past the dreaded teacup ride; Steven couldn't handle it, it made him way too dizzy. The last time they had went on it, he had puked all over her, and she had to go home and throw away one of her favorite dresses. It wasn't the best visual memory she had had of the two of them together.

"Lapis, do you want to ride the Ferris wheel? It's the last one, and you can see all of Beach City from up there!"

She nodded to him, and they walked towards the large Ferris wheel. They waited their turn and hopped in, the chair swinging back and forth from their combined weight. They went up and up, until they were stopped at the top.

"So, listen... How much do you really know about... Jasper..." Steven asked, rocking their chair back and forth slightly.

"Hm? Pretty well, why? I mean, there's things I'm going to learn everyday; I'm not a Jasper expert per say..."

"Do you know about her past?"

Lapis' smile faded as she looked at her best friend, making eye contact with him. She scooted away from him and placed her hands in her lap. He wanted to know if she knew about Jasper's past? Like, in the gang? Or from high school?

"Not a whole lot... I guess..."

"I was talking to Garnet the other day, and she doesn't seem to think you two are good for each other, especially after I explained to her why Jasper was bleeding behind those warehouses; and after I told her about how you were so flighty with her." Steven blurted out nervously, twiddling his thumbs in his lap.

"Excuse me? Garnet? What would _she_ know, she's been MIA since 11th grade..." Lapis snapped at him, immediately upset and hurt that he would say something like that to her, knowing she cared so deeply about Jasper.

"What... Garnet was... Oh you really don't know?" Steven grabbed the bar in front of them, and leaned into it while he spoke to her. "Garnet was with us that night we ran off to save Jasper! She was the one who carried her, and drove her to the hospital! She beat up Y.D's lackeys and scared them off, don't you remember?" Steven asked, completely flabbergasted at her ignorance.

"Wha...?"

She hadn't recognized the woman as being Garnet, but she hadn't truly taken the time to look at the woman in the first place. What the hell was she doing there in the first place? It had been three years since anyone had even had contact with the woman, and now she was suddenly their savior? It was all very sketchy, but Lapis couldn't seem to connect the dots in her head, it didn't make any sense to her whatsoever.

"She drove me home. I had texted her that I was in trouble, so she came to help. Especially after I told her Y.D, Almandine, and Jasper were involved. She was concerned about me so she arrived as fast as she could. I can't believe you really didn't know... Garnet and I are still pretty close, we always kept in touch. I look up to her you know, she's so cool."

"Steven, how could you even... say that? Why would you tell her stuff about me, I thought friends kept each others secrets, and I told you those things in confidence! She doesn't even know me..." Lapis was upset now. She slammed her palms against the bar, turning to face forward, shaking the chair with her erratic movements.

"She told me some things about Jasper, things I think you should know before you're in too deep with the woman, Jasper she..."

"No! I don't want you to tell me! Whatever you're going to say, it isn't your place to say, okay?" She screamed as angry tears slid down her cheeks. She didn't care if she made him feel bad; she was so mad, and so furious at him.

The ride had moved, and she took the liberty of jumping off the chair, running off before her friend could stop her.

"Lapis, please, I just want to help you! I don't want to see you hurt! Don't run away!" Steven yelled, running after her.

She stopped running, her fists clenched tightly and elbows bent at her waist. "No! I don't _want_ your help Steven! Just leave me alone!"

She sprinted towards the bus, and managed to catch it before it drove away. She buried her face into the plush tiger she had, and just bawled. What did Steven know anyway? He was just a spaced out high school kid, naive, and completely starstruck by some woman who thought she knew stuff about her.

 _She told me things about Jasper, things I think you should know before you're in too deep._

Now she wondered what he could have wanted to say to her, what could have been so important, and did she even want to know? She leaned back against her seat and stared out the window, not even bothering to wipe the tears from her face. She suddenly felt so _alone_. She was ashamed that she let this anger get the better of her, but at the same time, she embraced it, because feeling angry was better than the feeling of depression that was slowly ebbing away the edges of her mind. She looked towards the sky, her breathing picking up pace, until she shoved her face back into her tiger and hyperventilated. She couldn't breathe, and she didn't understand why she felt this way. She was _alone_ now.

 **JASPER**

"Hey Jasp, grab that bag of concrete mix for me would ya?"

Jasper grinned, and wiped the sweat from her brow before picking up a bag of concrete mix, and hoisting it over her shoulder. The bag weighed at least 50 pounds, so carrying them constantly all day was no joke. The sun was beating down on her like it had all day, making her feel a little exhausted, especially deep in her muscles. She threw the bag next to her coworker, and squeezed the feeling back into her hands.

"So, you must get a lot of attention, what with those muscles of yours." Her coworker joked, nudging her in the arm with his elbow.

"Eh..." She shrugged, pulling at her collar to let the air flow into her shirt.

"Oh come on, don't be shy." He laughed, picking up another bag of concrete mix and shifting it onto a pile of others next to him. The bag started to slip, and Jasper caught it before it landed on her coworkers foot.

"Her name is Lapis." She said, waiting for the inevitable lesbian jokes, but none came.

"Well, is she hot?"

She grinned sheepishly, and pulled her phone out of her pocket. This kind of reaction was unexpected; but she took the opportunity to show off her girlfriend as she found the picture she had sent to her.

"She's beautiful, smart, and puts up with me, so I have no complaints." She held her phone out, and he looked at the picture.

"Damn Jasp, you really do have it made." He handed the phone back to her and she shoved it deep into her jeans pocket. "You wanna take your hour lunch now, or later?" He added, pulling out a rag from his pocket and dabbing the sweat off his forehead.

"I'll go now. See ya when I get back."

She grabbed a bottle of cold water from the back of one of the trucks, and headed over to a large tree to sit in the shade. She leaned against the trunk and brought out her phone just as it started to play her ring-tone for Amethyst.

"Hey baby, miss me?" She teased, taking a large drink of cold water.

"Jasper." Amethyst said sharply.

"What's up? You called just as I-"

"It's terrible Jasper! Just terrible!"

"What's terrible?" She reapplied the cap and set the water bottle next to her in the grass. She stretched her legs out in front of her and sighed, holding the phone tightly to her ear so she could hear clearly.

"Ugh... I think I blew it, I mean, I would totally blow it of course, but..."

"Okay, stop." Jasper said forcefully, causing Amethyst to breathe heavily into the transmitter of her phone. "Start from the beginning Amethyst, I don't even know what you're talking about."

"Okay, so, Pearl and I had the most amazing night last night J.J, man it was so great. We actually talked about everything; why we stopped being friends, and why we couldn't talk before. Then she sat on my lap and started kissing me and well you know... We went back to my room and..." Amethyst stopped talking, and Jasper could tell that she was super embarrassed about the whole situation.

"And what? Come on, you called me for a reason... You can tell me, Amethyst."

"Oh J.J... I gave her the best I could manage, but when I woke up, she was gone. I probably drooled all over her or something. Now she's going to hate me forever, and that's my biggest fear you know..."

"She really did leave you in the morning? That's cold... No note or anything huh?"

"Nope."

"Oh, Amethyst I'm sorry." Jasper took another swig of water, and sighed against the tree. "Give it some time and maybe I can get Lapis to see what's up with her. Until then though, I'm going to let you go so I can call Lapis for a few before my lunch is over."

"Okay. I'll tell you more details at school tomorrow, if she doesn't kill me the next time she sees me. Thanks for chatting, bye."

There was a chance Pearl would have left Amethyst in the morning like they all feared, but she had truly believed there was still a chance maybe she had left because she had an appointment, or was embarrassed... She dialed Lapis' number, waiting for the blue-haired girl to answer, as she felt terrible for what Amethyst had to go through, knowing full well what it felt like to be in that situation.

"H-hello?" Lapis answered, stuttering awkwardly.

"Whoa, Lapis, what's wrong?" She asked, sitting forward and crossing her legs. She heard a sadness in Lapis' voice, and it bothered her.

"It's nothing... How's work?"

"Work is work, we're just finishing up. My coworkers aren't assholes, so that's nice too." Jasper said unenthusiastically; she couldn't be excited knowing that something had upset the woman she was talking to. She could blatantly hear her crying, as much as Lapis was trying to hide it.

"I... won a tiger at Funland today. It's... really cute."

"Oh? You went to Funland? With who?"

"S-Steven, my friend Steven. He invited me and we hung out in Beach City today. I figured it would be okay since you went to work, and I just feel... lonely."

"Oh, Dewdrop..."

"Jasper, is there anything you want to tell me?" Lapis asked sharply, sniffling loudly into the phone.

What kind of question was that?

"I love you Lapis."

"I... love you too, Jasper."

 _She hesitated._ That single fleeting moment of hesitation made Jasper worry immensely about her girlfriend's mental state. What in the world was going on with her, and why wouldn't she talk about it? There was silence between them, and neither one of them spoke. They only listened to each others breathing, like both of them were too afraid to say anything to the other. Jasper sat in confusion, not sure why Lapis sounded so upset. If she wouldn't talk to her, how was she supposed to help her with whatever it was she was going through? She tried to think about what it was Lapis had wanted her to say, but nothing had really come to mind, other than the fact that she hadn't said 'I love you' before leaving the house that morning, but could that really be what had upset her?

"Just hurry home, okay? I... miss you."

Lapis hung up, and Jasper stared at her phone in disbelief. If they were already having communication issues, then they were in a lot of trouble.

She went back to work, and kept her mind busy for the rest of her shift. She was nervous now, forgetting simple safety things like wearing a hardhat, or putting her neon orange vest on; she even crossed the road once without looking, almost getting smeared across the road by a large SUV. She glared at the couple in the front seat and slammed her fist down on the hood, causing the driver to jump a little. Her coworker saw her change in mental state, and told her to go home before she got herself killed. She obliged, and sped off, eager to get home.

Xxx

Jasper groaned loudly to herself as she entered the apartment, unlacing her boots and kicking them off to the side haphazardly. She kicked one of them a little too hard, knocking it into the TV stand, causing the TV to shake dangerously. She steadied it, before walking straight into the bedroom, still not catching any glimpse of Lapis at all. Her ear twitched, thinking maybe she could hear the shower running.

Where could she be? She stripped out of her dusty, filthy clothes, and went into the bathroom. She slid open the shower curtain and gasped.

Lapis was sitting there, face in her hands, naked, with cold water pouring on her. Her small frame was shivering uncontrollably. Jasper didn't hesitate to turn the water on lukewarm, slide the blue-haired girl forward, and situate herself behind her in the tub. She pulled the shivering woman against her warm body, enveloping her with her body heat. The neutral water was cold to her, but she didn't want to send Lapis' body into shock by putting it on too hot.

"Lapis, what's wrong? Why are you sitting in the shower; a cold shower, naked... Lapis your lips are blue! How long have you been sitting here?" She asked, Lapis' body still quivering against her.

Lapis didn't say anything, she just buried her face against the larger woman's breast, and started to sob. Jasper was completely lost, she didn't understand why this girl was crying. Instead of prying for answers that Lapis obviously didn't want to give, she just held onto her until her smaller body stopped shaking.

"I'm so sorry..." Lapis said softly, leaning back and staring into her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"Lapis, what are you sorry for?" Jasper planted a kiss against her girlfriends forehead lovingly.

Lapis leaned back and sat on her knees, holding her wrists in front of her, giving Jasper a look of absolute desperation; a look she recognized immediately. Her eyes darted down to look at Lapis' outstretched hands, finally noticing the small river of blood heading down the drain beneath them. The blood was coming from two small cuts across Lapis' wrists. She breathed deeply, clearing her mind. The wounds weren't that deep, the water was making it look worse than it was. She wasn't going to judge Lapis for what she had done, because she herself knew exactly what it was like. She just didn't understand why she had felt the need to subject herself to that torturous path of self-harm and self-loathing; especially after having chastised her for doing it.

"I just didn't want to feel _anything_ anymore..."

Jasper slid down in the bathtub, pulling Lapis against her and holding her tightly, letting the woman cry into her and just lean against her. Lapis pulled at her hair, and fingered her earrings, going from seeming fine, to acting out against her in a fit of emotion Jasper didn't understand. She put up with it though, figuring the release of energy would be good for the woman. After a while, Lapis asked to leave the tub, and Jasper carried her to the bed, and laid her gently against the soft jersey sheets. She cleaned the wounds on her wrists carefully, and wrapped a layer of gauze around them. They weren't going to leave scars, but she wasn't going to undermine what these cuts were trying to tell her. Lapis was hurting, and she needed to figure out why.

"Lapis, tell me what's wrong." She said softly, nuzzling her face gently against Lapis' cheek.

"I just... had this huge surge of emotion that I couldn't explain... Even I don't know where it came from... Everything has been weighing on my mind, and then Steven... He said that.. we're not good for each other..."

"What? That's not his decision to make." Jasper consoled her, caressing the apex of her neck with the tips of her fingers. "Do you think we're not good for each other?"

"No but I.. just realized that I don't know much about you, other than what I've observed the last few months. Maybe we rushed into this, maybe we're going to fast..."

Jasper turned Lapis' face gently towards her, so that she could gaze affectionately into her azure blue eyes; they were glowing softly from the light of her lava lamp on her dresser. She wiped away the tears rolling down her cheeks with her thumb, never breaking eye contact with the smaller woman.

"You can leave anytime if you want Lapis. I don't want you to feel forced into anything you don't want to be committed to." She spoke gently, tucking Lapis' hair behind her ear.

"I don't want to leave. I want to stay here with you. Just, Steven mentioned that Garnet told him something about your past that he thought I should know..."

Jasper's eyes widened at her comment, her hand unknowingly clenching Lapis' face tightly.

"Ow Jasper that hurts..."

"What did he tell you?" She spat, starting to feel a rush of anger building up in her chest.

"Nothing! I yelled at him and told him I didn't want to know, because it wasn't his place to tell me. But if you think I should know, it's been driving me insane all day, that's why I've felt so distant from you! That's why I... hurt myself... I've never done this before... I'm so pathetic, and it's really sad... But... If it's so important why didn't you tell me? Don't I matter to you?"

Lapis' claims were ridiculous. Of course she mattered to her, but when you were as emotionally distraught as she was, everything was amplified; especially the negative feelings she had.

"There is _nothing_ in my past that would change how I feel about you right here, and right now. I'm not ready to share anything with you right now. Please understand, I've put that behind me, and I don't want to think about it right now okay? Thank you Lapis, for respecting me. Please, trust me when I say it doesn't matter, I promise."

She felt like Lapis had probed her inner thoughts, digging deeper for an answer to a question she hadn't even properly asked. Lapis seemed content with this answer, and nuzzled her head against her.

"I'm sorry for today. It wasn't right for me to guilt you about going to work, and then to hurt myself, I feel ridiculous for even doing it in the first place..."

"You're not ridiculous. _You matter._ Don't forget that Lapis. Ever."

Lapis must have finally been comforted, because Jasper relaxed when she heard her rhythmic breathing, signifying she had finally fallen asleep. She thought about what Lapis had said about Garnet, and her heart pounded against her chest, as if signifying to her to remember the one thing about that woman, the one things that would be burned in her memory for a long time. Now that she thought about it, she put two and two together, and Garnet _was_ the woman who carried her and took her to the hospital that night, but _why?_ Why would that woman even bother saving her? Her last words to her echoed through her mind.

 _What you've done is wrong, and I will **never** forgive you for it. Giving your life to Y.D was a mistake, and you can't take it back. That yellow diamond will be forever emblazoned on your chest, reminding you of all the terrible things you've done. The next time we meet, I won't hold back, so you'd better be ready._

Would she have changed her mind, if she had seen her now? Seen how she had grown? She was afraid to find out, but she was sure that she was going to, one way or the other, and sometime soon.


	12. Chapter 12

**This Chapter contains NSFW content.**

 **I'm so sorry (not sorry) for writing this.**

Lapis had a very rough time sleeping after waking up at 2am from another one of _those_ dreams. What the fuck was going on with her brain? Yesterday she had felt such a indeterminable amount of sadness; she had pulled apart one of her razors, and sliced open both of her wrists, just to clear her mind of the feeling of depression clouding her mind. When that hadn't worked, and she saw the blood trickling down her wrists, she freaked out. They were little cuts, but it was enough to make her hate herself and try to freeze her feelings away in the shower.

She didn't know what she had wanted, other than to not feel _anything_ at all at that point. When Jasper had come home and she felt her warmth against her, it was such an amazing feeling she never wanted it to end. It felt so good, she almost yearned to do it again, to see if she could get the larger woman to cuddle her like that once more. She was still mad at Steven for getting her so worked up; triggering her into a mental breakdown. It wasn't all his fault though. If she already had doubts about whether or not Jasper would lie to her, then what was the point in being in a relationship with her?

She shifted her body so she was laying on her back, stretching her legs out towards the foot of the bed. The soft sheets felt good against her cold skin, relaxing her; motivating her. When yesterday she hadn't wanted to feel anything at all, she suddenly wanted to _feel_ everything. She ran her hands down across her sides, down her hips and thighs. As she brought them back up, she scraped her cobalt blue nails against her skin, dragging them back up to rest against her ribs. The pressure she had applied had stung pleasantly, sending tingly sensations down her legs into the tips of her toes.

She couldn't help but think herself a freak; wondering if normal people did things like this to themselves. The truth was; she really didn't care. She closed her eyes, and let her hands explore. It was like she were relearning herself, and it had been a while since she had touched herself. She felt like she couldn't help it now, she was too riled up to stop.

As she moved up to grip her breast in her hand, she elbowed Jasper in the back accidentally, causing her to freeze up. What would the larger woman think of her if she woke up now, and saw how hopelessly pathetic she was? The more she thought about it, the more she wanted her to wake up; how much more fun would it be if it were _Jasper_ pleasing her, and not herself?

She slid her body against Jasper's, and gripped the larger woman's hip, before reaching her hand up to fondle Jasper's breast. She grazed her teeth against the tattooed woman's shoulder, testing it out; waiting to see if the other woman would wake up. She couldn't resist, so she bit her teeth down. To her surprise, Jasper let out a raspy moan. Did this mean the larger woman was awake?

She scooted backwards, and Jasper turned onto her back. Her eyes were still closed; leaving Lapis wondering if she was still asleep or... was she faking it? Lapis smiled a little to herself as she prepared to test out a theory she had.

She got up on her knees, and bent over Jasper, running her fingernails down her stomach and across her naval. Jasper stirred, but didn't wake up. Lapis was heaving with excitement; she bit under Jasper's breast into her ribs, elated at the moan she got from it. She brought her head back and moved lower, biting on that strawberry that always taunted her, and sucking hard on it.

Jasper finally woke up, seemingly disoriented at first, until Lapis bit her again, causing her to release another surprised moan. She was pleased, watching Jasper's conflicted emotions from the light of the lava lamp, like the larger woman couldn't decide if she liked it or not.

"Lapis..."

Lapis didn't let Jasper talk, instead she sunk her teeth into the larger woman's stomach, hearing what she thought sounded like a joyful whimper. Jasper did like to be bit, and it was really turning her on.

"W-What time is it?" Jasper muttered, gripping Lapis' hair tightly between her fingers as Lapis squeezed her inner thigh and grazed her teeth against the sensitive strawberry on Jasper's hip.

"Mm... 3:30..."

"Come here... little shark.. stop biting me." Jasper said, turning on her side and hoisting Lapis up into her arms, preventing her from continuing to bite the larger woman.

"Awe, you seemed to like it." She whined.

Jasper gave no response. Lapis touched the woman's cheek, and felt it heat up under her fingertips.

"Let's see if you like it!" Jasper exclaimed suddenly, flipping Lapis underneath her, causing her to smile excitedly. Jasper leaned into her and bit the apex of her neck, making Lapis gleefully grasp either side of Jasper's muscular thighs, groaning against the larger woman's warm mouth. Jasper sat back and looked at her with a wide-eyed expression. "You do.. like it?"

"Hnng... No more talking, Jasper."

 **JASPER**

Jasper couldn't say she didn't like being woken up in such a way. Lapis' excitement was contagious, even if she was super tired at first.

Lapis pulled her hair, forcing her down for a needy kiss, biting her lip and giggling against her. Jasper let her hands grip Lapis' shoulders, running them down her arms and bringing them back up, feeling her touch ignite a line of goosebumps along the smaller woman's arms. The softness of Lapis' skin delighted her senses; she could feel the rising and falling of the smaller woman's chest beneath her as her hands explored, discovering those sensitive areas that drove Lapis wild with desire. She palmed the girl's neck, gently running her thumb against her throat, feeling a small vibrating hum against her finger.

The smaller woman wriggled beneath her, gripping her hand and guiding it down her body until it reached the burning heat between her opened thighs. Jasper laid next to her girlfriend, propped up on an elbow, hand and fingers slowly caressing Lapis' folds; she grinned to herself when the other woman bucked impatiently against her hand, her body softly gyrating for more attention.

Jasper watched Lapis' face with wonder, noting how when she rubbed her middle finger around the blue-haired girls' heated entrance, her lips parted, letting out a shrill little whimper.

"Jasper..." Lapis moaned.

She couldn't express in words how much she _loved_ hearing her name escape those lips, from a voice completely laced with desire.

Jasper's middle finger slid inside of the smaller woman, and she pushed her mouth against Lapis', stifling her moans; instead causing the other woman to kiss her hungrily. She slipped another finger inside, and rubbed her thumb against Lapis' clit, feeling the small bundle of nerves harden against her touch.

She stroked the smaller woman's sweet spot, while trailing hard kisses against her neck; her tongue and teeth grazing and biting against her flesh leaving Lapis aching for more. The smaller woman arched her back against her arm, and Jasper's tongue lapped at one of her nipples, rolling the erect nub between her teeth before sucking hard on it.

"Mm... Jasper... yes... hnng..."

Jasper could feel Lapis' walls tighten around her fingers and relubricate, causing her digits to slick harder and faster inside her. Lapis' hips rose off the bed, and Jasper sunk her teeth against her ribs. Lapis moaned loudly, arching her back and flinging her arms around Jasper's neck and involuntarily squeezing her face against her breast as her climax washed over her.

Knowing there wasn't much more time before she had to go to work, Jasper embraced her panting girlfriend, resting her ear against her throbbing chest; the sound of her heart beating against her ribs was enough to prove this woman was thriving and alive.

"You must think I'm weird..." Lapis mumbled, her breath catching awkwardly in her throat.

Jasper lifted her head to get a better look at Lapis, who looked suddenly saddened and downcast. She put her opened mouth against Lapis' cheek and gave her a raspberry. Lapis giggled, and pushed against her face with the palms of her hands.

"No more sad talk. You're not weird. I consider this a healthy way to release your stress and anxiety, let's do this more." Jasper growled, amicably, tickling Lapis' sides and blowing a raspberry against her stomach. "I need to get ready for work though."

"Jasper." Lapis said, grabbing a hold of her wrist as she attempted to sit up out of the bed. Jasper sat back down and faced her.

"Hm?"

"Thank-you."

"You're too cute!" Jasper pounced on the smaller woman, and snuggled against her, before finally standing up to get ready for work. "Hey, I'll see you at school later, I love you."

"I love you too.

xxx

 **LAPIS**

It was amazing what sex had done for her brain. Jasper's touch alone made her feel needed, beautiful; made her feel like she was _everything_ to that platinum haired woman. She only felt bad that she couldn't return the favor, but she didn't seem to mind.

She laid her bag down on the table, sitting next to Pearl again, since she was no longer mad at the woman. She still hadn't heard anything about what had happened between the thin woman and Amethyst, and she was legitimately curious to know all about it. When she actually sat in her chair, she couldn't help but notice how Pearl subtly scooted her chair away from her.

"Pearl, are you okay?" Lapis asked, pulling out her notebook and pencils and laying them neatly on the table.

"No, I'm not okay!"

Lapis was taken aback by this sudden outburst from the thin woman sitting next to her. She studied Pearl's face, looking for some kind of hint as to why she was upset. So, instead of waiting for an explanation she just went off on her.

"If you're mad because you slept with Amethyst when you were drunk, you can be, but if you're mad at me you just... fuck off!"

"Wha...? No, Lapis... I'm not mad that I slept with Amethyst."

"You're not?"

"Ugh, Lapis why do you have to be so nosy? Okay so Amethyst and I did the 'deed' okay? What? You want details? You're such a dirty pervert but I guess I'll tell you."

Lapis found it pretty funny that she hadn't said anything else and Pearl just kept going, describing how awesome her first time with Amethyst was. She rolled her eyes at Pearl's description; she definitely would _not_ make good money as an erotic literature author.

"-I _fell asleep._ God Lapis, I'm so embarrassed!" Pearl shrieked, causing several students sitting in front of them to turn around and glare at the woman.

"Shh... God, Pearl! That's why you're so uptight?" Lapis chuckled, covering her mouth to try and stifle her giggles from being noticed by the Professor.

"I just feel terrible for not reciprocating oral sex! Then I clammed up in the morning when I sobered up, and fled before she could wake up! I'm terrible!"

"You know there was an easier way to handle that situation..." Lapis snorted, making the Professor glare up at her.

"Miss Lazuli, if you can't handle sitting in the back, then you can just come and sit next to Miss _Caria._ "

Lapis choked on her spit. Did he just say _Caria...?_ She gathered her things, and slowly made her way to the front, noticing for the first time that _she_ was in her Physics class; and now she had to sit next to _her_.

FUCK.

Almandine had the cockiest, shittiest grin on her face, and when Lapis sat down next to her, she hooked her foot around the leg of her chair and pulled her closer. The red-haired woman dug her nails into Lapis' jeans, and she could still feel the sharp stinging; unwanted pain through the fabric of her pants.

"Well, if it isn't the little disowned slut. How does it feel being hated by your own parents, bitch?" Almandine hissed quietly; Lapis had a hard time biting back the urge to whine at the pain she was being caused.

"Fuck. Off." Lapis breathed, channeling the pain away and closing off her thoughts. Why would the Professor do this to her?

"What is this?" Almandine asked, the tips of her course fingers finding the small cut on her wrist as the unsolicited touching continued; all Lapis could do was hope for it to stop. Almandine, surprisingly, withdrew her hand and pushed Lapis' chair away with the heel of her boot.

Lapis fled her seat as fast as she could when the Professor released them from class. She ended up turning down the wrong hallway though, backpedaling a little upon seeing two people standing in front of her. Honestly at first glance it looked like a couple being intimate. She pushed her back against the wall, and sighed, unable to stop herself from eavesdropping after hearing voices down the hallway.

"Why are you playing hard to get? I was told this was going to be easy..."

Ugh, sounded like another douche bag picking on someone. Time to put her fighting skills to the test. She cracked her knuckles like she had seen Jasper do so many times, unsure as to why to larger woman actually did it. Other than the surprisingly pleasing feeling she had from hearing the 'pop' of her cartilage. She dropped her bag and rounded the corner, to see some guy groping up on Peridot and trying to get her to kiss him. _Peridot._

"Hey!" She screamed, causing both of them to look up at her in shock. She recognized the guy as _Jason,_ the asshole from the weight room. Upon seeing her he let go of Peridot, who slid against the wall.

"You." He looked around, seemingly satisfied with the fact that Jasper was no where to be seen. Well, she assumed that was what he was looking for, because he lunged towards her with quick movement. She shoved her knee up into his groin after sidestepping his attempt to grab her shoulders. He fell to the ground and she kicked her foot into his stomach.

"Peridot, come on." Lapis held out her hand, and waited for the blonde woman to take it, but she didn't. Her body was shaking. So, Lapis hooked her arm around her elbow and pulled her up, a little surprised that the woman cooperated with her. She grabbed her bag, and Peridot suddenly took the lead, dragging her across campus towards the dorms.

Peridot pulled her inside her room and locked the door, flipping the light on before sitting at her desk. Lapis' stomach churned as she looked around the room, seeing pictures of her and Jasper adorning the wall. Peridot hadn't moved on, and it was a little creepy to her seeing all these pictures of them together.

"Peridot, what in the world is going on? Why was that guy hassling you? No, why were you letting him hassle you? You didn't seem to be too eager to leave..."

Peridot rotated her chair so she was facing Lapis, pulling at her collar nervously.

"Because I don't deserve anything better than that." She said simply, staring coldly at her.

"What!?"

This woman infuriated her. She grabbed the collar of Peridot's turtleneck and pulled on it. She gritted her teeth and glared down at the blonde.

"Look at you. You're just like _them._ " Peridot said quietly, her voice full of hurt.

 _You're just like them..._

She let go of Peridot, and sat on her bed, picking up a picture of Jasper and Peridot at an amusement Park, standing in front of a large roller coaster. They were smiling and making funny faces at whoever was taking the picture.

"I'm sorry Peridot. I'm sorry for grabbing you. But I'm not sorry for intervening."

She couldn't help but wonder if that was how Pearl had felt when she barged into her room...

Peridot stood up then, and ran her hand through her hair. She faced Lapis, hooking her fingers under her sweater, causing Lapis to blush. Was she really taking off her... shirt.. _Oh. My. God._ Peridot pulled the sweater completely off, and slid out of her pants. Lapis now understood why she wore such conservative clothing. She stood before her, arms crossed in front her chest, with nothing but a bra and panties on.

It was finally laid out in front of her, why Peridot was the way she was. The bruises and cuts along her body made Lapis feel so sick, she grabbed a small trashcan and held back the urge to vomit. She wouldn't be able to live it down if she suddenly hurled, but it was just so _sickening_ what they were doing to Peridot.

"Don't you see, Lapis? I'm just their meat bag _,_ their messenger girl, I'm _meaningless,_ I'm..." She rubbed her eyes with her fists before pointing to the yellow diamond etched in black on her chest. "I don't even know why I"m telling you all this, because now _I'm probably dead._ "

"Peri..." Lapis stood from the bed and ambled cautiously over to the freckled woman, who shrunk away from her as she approached. "Why are you doing this... Why don't you ask for help? I want to help you..."

Peridot bit her lip and looked away from Lapis, so she did what felt right at that moment, and she embraced Peridot, gently holding the battered woman against her chest. It was then that Peridot broke down, finally showing Lapis the emotion she knew had been there, hiding beneath her emotionless facade.

 **JASPER**

God. Jasper couldn't help but think about how she had the best girlfriend in the whole world. She had definitely left her _yearning_ for attention. She was just happy that Lapis hadn't been sad anymore because the thought of losing her, was something she wouldn't be able to deal with.

She was now headed towards Peridork's dorm, because Lapis had said to meet her there. She sad it was important. She walked right in, only to see Lapis pounding on the bathroom door and screaming obscenities through the wood. Jasper didn't even stop to ask her what was wrong, instead she kicked the door in, despite shrieking from Peridot, and stopped to stare at the mostly naked woman standing before her. She suddenly felt like her heart was shattering in one thousand tiny little pieces.

"I told you to come to me..." Was all she could manage to say, without completely snapping at her ex-girlfriend.

"Jasper you..."

Jasper took an involuntary step forward, reaching her shaking hands towards Peridot, her fingers twitching. Her eyes skirted across the yellow diamond that now emblazoned across her chest, signifying the gang leaders claim over her. As much as Jasper really wanted to hate this woman, the feelings in her chest were conflicting, preventing her from being able to analyze what exactly was going on.

"I will not let Y.D take you from me." She grazed her fingers against the large purple bruises circling the area around Peridot's shoulders, and Peridot whimpered, obviously still hurting in that area. "Please, put some clothes on, and come back to my apartment."

Peridot was looking at her with widened eyes, almost as if her wildest dreams were coming true. Lapis' hands interlocked with hers, and she looked down at the blue-haired girl, who had tears streaking down her face.

"Lapis, you understand?"

"I... Of course I understand. No one deserves.. this." She said, tilting her head towards Peridot who was pulling on her clothes.

"I can't come with you. Jasper, if they know I talked to you, they'll kill us." Peridot muttered, attempting to stick her foot in her shoe, but failing miserably.

"Let them try! You're already dead, the way you're living now, isn't really life. Please, let me help you." She argued, squeezing Lapis' hand tightly in hers.

"Jasper's right, Peridot. We're not going to let those bitches beat on you anymore." Lapis added.

Peridot sighed. Jasper let go of Lapis' hand, and shoved past her.

"Wait where are you going?"

Jasper sprinted down the hallway and out of the building, leaving those two girls behind. Once she got into her car she screamed towards the ceiling, and punched her steering wheel; punched the roof of her car with her fist, then slammed her forehead against the wheel.

All of this was her fault. All of it. Peridot's abuse, and Lapis' mental state were all her fault. If she never would have ran from home and joined that gang, if she never would have left... She was a wreck, and she had destroyed peoples lives, and she couldn't bring herself to look at Peridot. Once again she found herself unable to think coherently about her problems, and found herself wishing she could just end everything so she wouldn't have to keep worrying about it.

She took out her keys, and held one of them between her thumb and her forefinger. She pressed the cold metal to the underside of her arm, and jumped a little when she heard a thud against her car window. She turned quickly to see Lapis pressing her face against the window, eyes brimming with tears, as she bawled against the door.

"Don't you do it!" Lapis cried against the window, and Jasper dropped the keys and exited the car, wrapping her arms around the girl.

"Lapis, I'm sorry..."

She noticed Peridot standing awkwardly with a bag of stuff behind them, blushing deeply and kicking at the tar with the toe of her shoe. Jasper reached out and grabbed her, and pulled her into their embrace.

She guessed she had another woman to protect now.

"Don't think you're taking her from me..." Lapis whispered, causing Jasper to smile against her hair. Maybe they could be _friends,_ if nothing else. Maybe together, with Peridot's information, they would be able to confront Y.D.


	13. Chapter 13

Jasper immediately set up the couch for Peridot upon arriving at her apartment, giving her the fluffiest blankets and her softest pillow. Lapis grunted angrily at her when she asked the blue-haired woman to find something for them to eat. She took this gesture with a grain of salt, figuring there would be a little tension between them the moment she decided to bring Peridot back to her home with her.

"I'm going to shower." Peridot stated simply, before grabbing a towel out of her bag, and disappearing into the bathroom.

The moment Peridot left their line of sight, Lapis was all over her, pushing her towards the wall and kissing her chest furiously. She was speechless, unsure of what to say as the smaller woman shoved her hands up under her shirt and unlatched her bra in a matter of seconds.

"Whoa, Lapis... What's wrong?" She asked, grabbing Lapis' shoulders and holding her in place.

"Wrong? Nothing's wrong I... Do I have to have a reason to ravish my girlfriend with kisses?" Lapis pouted, looking away from her with a pink blush upon her cheeks.

Jasper reached inside both of her sleeves and took her straps off, before tossing her bra off to the side. She studied Lapis' face briefly, before a grin stretched across her own face.

"Someone's jealous."

Lapis glared at her, before looking quickly towards the bedroom, then looking back at her.

"So." She whispered.

Jasper continued to smirk at her.

"You can wipe that shit eating grin off your face."

"How about you just suck my-"

"Is that what you want?"

"Excuse me?"

"Forget it." Lapis turned on her heel to walk away, and Jasper reached out to embrace her from behind; fondling her breasts over her top, and kissing the back of her neck. Lapis shivered, letting out a surprised moan, and melting against her.

"Ahem."

Jasper stepped back, letting Lapis go and making eye contact with Peridot, who stood watching them awkwardly from the bedroom doorway. Lapis slunk off into the kitchen, covering her face with her hands. Jasper couldn't help but think her embarrassment was _super cute._ That girl drove her _crazy_ with desire; if it wouldn't have been for Peridot, she would have stripped her down right then and there.

"I would like to get some rest now. Please be quiet and make sure all lights are off." Peridot said, sticking her hands into the pockets of her pajama pants and plopping down into the couch. "I wake up at exactly 6am, and would prefer a ride to school at that time."

"Well that's going to be hard, seeing as how I wake up at 4am and go to work..." 

"Well it wouldn't be an issue if I wouldn't have left my car at school."

"Point taken. I'll just go in late to work then..."

"What!?" Lapis yelled from the kitchen, dropping whatever dish she was holding, on the floor. "Un-fucking-believable!" She stomped out of the kitchen with her hands on her hips. "You're going to go in late to work just because she's whining about needing a ride!? Stupid!"

"Lapis, She-" Jasper was interrupted again by Lapis' angry outbursts.

"No! Don't even! I need some space..."

Jasper frowned as Lapis stomped into the bedroom and slammed the door behind her. She felt herself become a bit angry at this outburst of emotion, wondering if it was even worth her time to confront her on the situation. She clenched her fists, and walked towards the door.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Peridot said, causing Jasper to change her mind and sit down on the couch. Peridot lifted her feet for her to sit, and laid them on Jasper's lap. Jasper couldn't help but notice the blonde even had scars around her thin ankles, and up the backs of her heels.

"Y'know, dating Lapis, is a helluva lot different than dating you. You got mad, and buried yourself into your work; you never had outbursts like this. I was always the one... but she... She gets mad and blows up in your face when you're just trying to help a friend out." She growled, her face contorted into an angry grimace, while her fingers drew lines across the old scars on Peridot's feet.

"You're an idiot." Peridot said, pulling her feet away from her fingers, and pushing them against Jasper's thigh and shifting herself into a more comfortable position.

Jasper scowled, wanting to argue, but she figured Peridot was probably right. Instead, she kicked her feet up onto the coffee table and made herself comfortable.

"How am I an idiot?" She asked.

"Lapis is probably feeling insecure about me being here, especially after being in my dorm and... seeing some things she probably shouldn't have. She seems to have a very delicate state of mind right now. Give her some space, then approach her. Gently."

Wow. When did Peridot become so... wise? Jasper couldn't remember the last time she had had a real conversation with the blonde woman. She had almost felt bad about it while she sat there thinking to herself, her thoughts jumping from one idea to the next. An awkward silence fell between them, Jasper had so many questions for Peridot about Y.D, but she didn't want to push her into talking if she didn't want to.

"Jasper..." Lapis' soft spoken voice called from the doorway of the bedroom, and she looked over, resting her cheek against the palm of her hand.

"Yes?" She mumbled.

"I would... I would really like it if you came to bed now." She said shyly, holding her arms behind her back, not making eye contact with her.

"Alright. Night Peridot." She pushed up off the couch and followed her small girlfriend into the bedroom. She watched Lapis in her blue nightgown tuck herself into bed, and turn her back to her. So, she pulled off her pants, changed into a long t-shirt, and climbed in next to her. She pulled Lapis into her arms, and laid her arm gently across her side.

She could feel Lapis squirm uncomfortably, but she was almost determined to suffocate her with her affection at that moment, so she would cool down and stop being so mad.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry I'm just... She had so many pictures of you two at her dorm... She's definitely not over you... She's so much better than me..."

"Lapis, you don't need to worry about her. She's... I can't just let Y.D continue to harass her, did you see those bruises...?" Jasper said quietly, carefully monitoring the level of her voice as her lips were inches from Lapis' ear.

"I will try to get along with her, Jasper, but only because she seems to mean a lot to you, and I don't want to cause any trouble..."

"You're not trouble, Lapis. I'm not gonna just throw you aside... Ugh... _I love you Lapis."_

Lapis turned her face a little, and Jasper could see the hint of a blush on her cheeks. She squeezed her tightly once more, before they fell asleep.

Xxx

Jasper was dreaming of the biggest, juiciest strawberry cake she had ever seen. It's frosting was so sweet, it left a gritty taste on her tongue. She went to pick a fat berry off the cake, when it turned into a mouth suddenly, and started to scream at her.

She woke up to the sound of a shrill scream erupting from the living room. She looked over at Lapis, who was still fast asleep next to her, her soft snoring confirming it. She carefully slid out of the bed, and went into the living room, only to see nobody there. At first glance it seemed empty anyway; then she traversed a little farther along the couch, seeing Peridot curled into herself against the wall in the dark corner of the room.

The small blonde was curled into her blanket, visibly shaking at the mere sight of her. She approached her carefully, kneeling down in front of her and placing her hand against her shoulder comfortingly. Peridot looked at her with a terrified look in her eyes, her eyebrows arched high on her forehead.

"Don't. Touch. Me." Peridot said before exhaling, her breath sounding shrill and raspy, like her mouth was completely dry.

Jasper withdrew her hand and sat down on the floor, silently watching Peridot. She wanted to comfort this woman, figuring she was really suffering from some sort of mental anguish, but she was so afraid; and she respected the fact she didn't want to be touched. As much as it was killing her not hold her; she hated watching this woman she used to be so intimate with, shy from her touch and hug herself, shaking uncontrollably against the wall.

"Peridot, are you okay? Was it.. a nightmare?" She asked in a low voice, trying to send soothing vibes her way by also lowering the tone she spoke in.

Peridot rubbed her cheek with the palm of her hand, before shaking it through her golden locks anxiously. Jasper couldn't help but notice the mental struggle she seemed to be having, because it was plain about her facial features. She noticed it in the twitches of her lips and the rhythmic narrowing and widening of her eyes. She didn't understand why her heart beat thickly against her chest, or why she felt this sharp pain in her core as she gazed at this woman who had broken her heart.

"Peridot? You can talk to me." She reiterated her tone, gazing at her intently with her yellow eyes.

"No! No I can't! I..."

Jasper decided to test Peridot's patience with her, and reached like she was going to cup the smaller woman's face into her hand. She hovered it just above her freckled skin, because the blonde woman pressed her head back against the wall as far as she could to get away from Jasper's impending touch. Peridot's mouth turned into an exaggerated frown as the tears started flowing down her face. Jasper felt so shitty inside, so _horrible_ this had happened to her, all bad episodes in their relationship aside.

"I am _so_ sorry, Peri." She spoke tenderly, feeling the words rolling across her tongue as her throat started to clench shut with a jerk of emotion. "I'm just a piece of shit who couldn't even protect you from Y.D and her _fucking_ gang. I let my emotions get in the way, I never even stopped to think that you could be reprimanded for my careless actions and defiance to her. Somehow I knew there would be consequences to my recklessness, but I never thought... I never thought she would go after you..."

Peridot stared at her, like a deer caught in headlights. She was frozen, and Jasper was unsure if she was even listening to her pathetic drawl and commiserable apology.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, I just..." Jasper put her other hand against her own face, as her shoulders jerked forward with her surge of emotion, her tears wetting her hand as they traveled down her face and dripped off her chin.

"Don't be... an idiot..." Peridot suddenly grasped Jasper's outstretched hand with her own, and put it against her cheek. "This isn't your fault. Stop beating yourself up over it okay? I can't stand to- to watch you start to fall apart over... over me."

Jasper moved her own hand down away from her face, and gripped Peridot's other cheek, so she was holding the blonde's face between her hands. She was remembering the familiar feeling of staring into those neon green eyes, as her mind threatened to fall into a familiar action, one she immediately felt wrong for even letting it pass across her mind.

"We need to talk... about us." She said, moving her thumb across Peridot's stream of tears.

"I... okay..." Peridot nodded, nuzzling her cheek against her hands.

They discussed details about their relationship quietly for what seemed to be about an hour. Peridot slowly warmed up to her, and even allowed Jasper to sit next to her so the blonde woman could lean against her. Peridot even went as far as to explain her nightmare to her, about how it was _Jasper_ who was abusing her in her dream; about how it had felt so real to her, that's why she ended up waking up screaming. It was terrifying to think Peridot had dreamt about that, and she was starting to feel concerned that some people's minds were associating her with abuse, consciously and subconsciously. Jasper tore down the illusion of her 'abusive nature', by sharing tender touches and cuddles with Peridot, without allowing the smaller woman to become too intimate, less she do something she would regret.

"Can't we... Try this again?" Peridot asked, shifting her body so her head was laying against Jasper's thigh, and her knees were pulled up to her chest. Jasper discharged a short breath, tentatively twirling Peridot's hair between her fingers, finding herself becoming lost in the moment again. She couldn't do it; there's no way she could do it again. When she thought about the possibility of being in an intimate relationship with Peridot again her stomach threatened to send her to the bathroom, the idea was a little nauseating. She couldn't help it, the fear of her betrayal still weighed heavily in the back of her mind, as she was slowly realizing she hadn't really come to terms with their breakup herself.

"Please understand, we can never be what we once were. There's just too much pain down that path of my life. The chapter of you and I as lovers; as intimate partners, is over. But it doesn't mean we can't try to be _friends_. Would that be okay with you, Peri?" She choked, annoyed at herself for convulsing in emotion like an idiot.

"Actually, I would... I would really like that, Jasper."

With that out of the way, Jasper planted a quick kiss onto Peridot's forehead, before standing, and helping the battered woman to her feet. She tucked her in when she lay on the couch, and stood still, watching Peridot get comfy under the fluffy blanket.

"What if... What if Lapis doesn't want us to be friends? Then I'll... I'll have no one." Peridot muttered, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders and against her neck.

"Don't worry about that right now. I'll talk to her. Besides, she said she was willing to protect you as well. She's not as bad as you may think. She has a big heart, I think she'll understand as long as you or I don't give her a reason to fret. She's... _fragile_ at the moment, but she's _strong_. She just needs to realize this..." Jasper explained, tugging on the bottom of her shirt.

"If you say so."

"who knows, maybe even you two could be good friends someday."

Her statement elicited a nervous laugh from Peridot, a sound that actually lightened Jasper's mood and made her feel a little happy herself.

"Goodnight Jasper."

"Goodnight." Jasper turned to walk away and made it as far as the entrance to the bedroom before Peridot spoke again.

"If you want to face Y.D again, I know where she's going to be; not that I'm trying to enable you or anything but... She's been very hard to track down lately, ever since her last encounter with the Crystal Leader..."

Jasper's heart threatened to jump out of her throat, as a curtain of uncertainty and anger lowered over her features.

"Tell me the details." She barked, very annoyed that Peridot had waited until _now_ to mention this important information.

"Well I... I know for a fact that she's running an underground fighting pit tomorrow night. You ante something up, and fight your way through her ranks until you make it to the final battle, where she awaits to basically beat the crap out of you in front of her lackeys. It could be your chance to get her back, but the thing is... the farther you get, the more you have to ante up. It's _dangerous_."

Jasper was only half listening, as she was considering and weighing her options against one another. This was her chance to get revenge, her opportunity to get back at Y.D and Almandine, and whoever else had wronged these two women she'd silently sworn to protect. An ante? Like something precious to her? That was going to be hard to come by, she owned nothing of real value except for the semi-precious gems she wore in her ears. They probably wouldn't even be worth as much as Y.D would want, if she even let her in. Maybe she would wear a disguise of some kind. Why did she have to be so recognizable though? There's no way they would be easily fooled.

"An underground fighting pit is right where I fit in Peridot, I used to be one of the fighters challengers would be pitted against, back in the day. No one ever got past me. I need to get in, but the ante.."

"Jasper listen to me, you need to be careful, this could completely backfire on you; you could die! I don't know why I mentioned it, it was spur of the moment and stupid of me... Knowing her she'll probably demand something she knows you'd never give up, then beat you to a bloody pulp in front of her crowd of gambling patrons..."

"It's not like I really have too much more to lose. What could she possibly take that I would care about?"

"Lapis... Lazuli. Jasper, she has plans set in motion, and if you offer yourself willingly to her in this fight, she'll make her move to take Lapis from you, to manipulate you. Please, don't do this..."

 **LAPIS**

Lapis was startled awake by a loud banging sound; and in her delirium, she threw herself off the bed and hit her forehead against her end table. She rubbed the sore spot of her head, which now pulsed angrily under her fingertips. She sat up on her knees, seeing Jasper wasn't in the bed where she should have been. She stood and ambled groggily out into the living room, not expecting what she saw.

Jasper was standing over the kitchen sink with her hand, drenched in blood, dripping down across the metal fixture. She looked around the room, and noticed the giant hole that now adorned the wall directly to the right of her. The broken wood splinters were covered in blood, and they lay scattered about on the floor.

"What in the world?" She gasped, pushing the splintered wood around with the tip of her toes.

"I'm going to _fucking murder her!_ That fucking cunt thinks she can play with me; play with _my life,_ I'll beat her into the fucking ground and piss on her fucking grave! Ah..." Jasper cussed angrily, running water over her hand, and washing away the blood. She groaned a little; the water was probably causing her hand to sting painfully.

Lapis looked over at Peridot, who was kneeling up on the couch, looking over the back of it, clutching the leather tightly between her fingers. She didn't know what to do, she didn't understand what was going on, and it made her feel anxious.

Peridot slowly turned her face and made eye contact with her, shrinking back down into the couch. Lapis puffed out her cheeks and scowled at the blonde, who _obviously_ did something to push Jasper's anger over the edge...

Jasper shut off the water, and wiped her hurt hand against her shirt, which drove Lapis mad. She met the larger woman in the kitchen, and held out her hand expectantly towards her.

"What?" Jasper scoffed, hesitantly handing her hand over to her.

"Why must you always hurt yourself? Can't you punch a pillow or something?"

"Pfft."

Lapis looked her hand over carefully, seeing that the wounds weren't nearly as bad as she had originally thought. Jasper humored her curiosity only for a moment, before moving her hand up to touch the spot on her forehead where she had smashed it against her end table.

"Ow." She said, pushing the larger woman's hand away.

"What happened?"

"Oh you know, I just enjoy getting scared half to death at 3am... You punching the wall made me fall out of bed and hit my head."

"Ah, what?" Jasper kissed her forehead and she blushed. "Sorry Dewdrop."

"Well, what the fuck is going on?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Nothing... come on, let's go back to sleep, I'm fucking calling in tomorrow. I'm sorry, this night has just been... terrible."

"Alright..."

xxx

Lapis had a fairly normal day at school, give or take the awkward silence between her and Jasper in American Literature class. She had an enormous amount of work to do, so she tried to pay it no mind; she was trying to trust that Jasper would come to her and open up to her when she was good and ready to.

She hated this feeling like she was being kept in the dark; she started to suspect things more and more as Jasper and Peridot hurried off away from her whenever she spotted them together on campus.

She decided to follow them, keeping a fair distance just in case they turned around to see her. They ducked into a storage closet, and Lapis paused. Her mind jumped straight to the conclusion that they were making out in there, and that Peridot's whole damsel-in-distress act had won back Jasper's heart. She really _shouldn't_ assume things, but what else could they be doing in there? She pressed her ear against the door, barely being able to understand what they were saying to each other.

"Tell me what other options I have. I could just go there and fuck her up, and leave without even joining the roster at all."

"Just forget I ever brought it up! There's no way you're going to win against her, even if you manage to get to the final round; even if you managed to kick her ass, there's no way in hell she's going to let you leave. You made her a fool, and she's planned her revenge. She's just waiting for the opportune moment, and you're just going to waltz right in there and hand yourself over like a dumbass. Why the fuck did I open my big fat mouth in the first place...?"

"I'm sick of waiting to see what she's going to do next, who she's going to hurt... If you won't tell me where to find her, then I guess I'll just go fuck up Almandine until she spills her guts."

"Jasper, wait."

Lapis heard Peridot mumble incoherently, she couldn't decipher what she was saying even by pressing her ear against the door as hard as she could. There was a silence now, neither one of them were speaking, and this made Lapis very suspicious of their behavior. She sucked in a deep breath before turning the handle quickly, flinging the door open. Jasper was leaning back against a shelf, arms crossed, and Peridot was looking at the doorway with apparent shock on her face.

"L-Lapis..." the blonde woman stuttered, twiddling her thumbs together nervously.

"Hey!" Jasper said, her expression quickly changing from slightly irritated, to completely amused; she actually thought the larger woman must have been happy to see her. Oddly enough, anyone else who would have been found together in a storage closet would have been freaking out right about now.

"What are you two doing? You had me thinking you were running off making out all day or something... You're acting so strange, _and_ you're avoiding me. If you're trying to push me away, would you just tell me so I can carve my heart out with a blunt knife?" Her words tasted poisonous across her tongue, but she was legitimately becoming coarse with apprehension.

"Lapis, no, please don't speak like that. Come on, let's go somewhere and we can talk, okay?" Jasper hooked her arm around Lapis' thinner one, and led her out of the storage room, down the hall, and out into the courtyard. They sat at a stone picnic table, the stone was cold against her legging clad legs. The autumn wind was sending a chill through her, so she scooted closer to Jasper, hoping to steal some of that body heat she enjoyed so much.

"Lapis, listen. There's an.. event going on tonight, but I have nothing to offer as payment to get in. You wouldn't happen to have anything I could borrow, would you? I'd take money, but I just spent my check on some bills today and don't have nearly enough." Jasper placed her firm hand against Lapis' leg, resting it against her.

"What kind of an event? Do you want me to come with you?" She asked, placing her own hand over Jasper's, and fingering her knuckles as she spoke.

"No, I have to do this alone, but I promise, I'll be back before midnight. You and Peridot can chill out and watch movies, or get to know each other or something..."

Lapis was suspicious still, of course, but she was tired of trying to get Jasper to tell her things she didn't want to share with her. She looked at the bracelet she happened to be wearing today, and unclasped it carefully, watching the sunlight glint beautifully off of the inlaid tear-shaped gem's faceted edges.

"This is all I have of real value, it's a diamond that my grandmother gave to me, before she passed away; many, many years ago. You may borrow it. Whatever this is you think you have to do, please be careful."

Jasper held out her hand for the bracelet, her thick fingers enclosing in tightly in her fist when Lapis dropped it into the palm of her hand. Their gaze's met, and she was unsure what kind of emotion she was seeing from the larger woman.

"Thank-you."

Lapis leaned her head against Jasper's arm, and interlaced their fingers together under the table. Several people walking by gave them shrill looks of displeasure, but she ignored it, loving the feeling of openly showing affection to this woman, even something as simple to her as holding her hand. It was actually a large step for Lapis, not counting the kiss they had shared the day they confessed their love for each other. She had so much adrenaline pumping through her, she didn't even have to think about that before she had done it.

This simple gesture filled her with happiness, as she sighed against Jasper, enjoying the sight of warm-colored leaves drifting through the breeze, dancing down against the concrete path.


	14. Chapter 14

Lapis' calm bewilderment at the autumn season turned dark like a cold winter's night, when Almandine sat at the stone table; a sadistic smirk upon her lips. Lapis sat tall, clutching Jasper's arm, narrowly watching the red-headed woman take a long drag of her cigarette, and blowing the smoke out her nostrils towards them. Lapis felt Jasper's bicep tense, the sight of this woman must have immediately triggered her, and put her on edge.

"Well if it isn't my favorite muff-diving couple. Lasper, no, Jas-PISS." Almandine derided them, crossing her legs and shaking her foot impatiently under the table.

"Don't you have someone else to fuck with? Why don't you get back to licking the shit off Y.D's boots?" Jasper retorted, gripping the edge of the table with both of her hands.

Lapis saw the two of them glare each other down, neither one of them even teasing the idea of breaking the connection. Almandine took her last drag on her cigarette, before flicking the butt at Lapis. Lapis quickly batted it away, lucky enough to have missed the lit end of it.

"I've come with a final offer from Y.D, until she takes matters into her own hands. So shut the fuck up, and listen." Almandine demanded. She wasn't looking at Jasper now; she was looking right at Lapis, and this made her shrink back a little. "Basically, you come back to work for Y.D, and nobody gets hurt. You're free to go to school, free to love, free to live... If you _don't_ , every little thing you care about will be ripped away from you one by one, until all that's left is an empty shell of who you used to be."

Jasper ripped her arm away from Lapis and slammed her palms against the top of the stone table; the force of her action caused the table to shake dangerously. She leaned across the table, pointing at Almandine, her voice coming across as a fierce roaring sound.

"If you think for one second I'm going to fucking let you threaten me, you've got a fucking death wish yourself."

"Oh yeah?" Almandine met Jasper in the middle of the table, her eyes lit with a hint of psychotic pleasure from verbally bashing them. "What, you gonna beat me up on school property? Risk being completely expelled or thrown in prison? No, I don't think you have it in you anymore. You're too soft now, you're-"

Lapis was fed up with this bitch's constant verbal harassment towards them. She stood up and shoved the palm of her hand upwards against Almandine's face as hard as she could, feeling the cartilage in the woman's nose crack under her hand. Almandine howled in pain, covering her nose with her hands as blood started to pour from her left nostril.

"Come on." Jasper grabbed Lapis' wrist and they sprinted away; Lapis having a hard enough time trying to keep up with Jasper's huge strides across the parking lot. Jasper still hadn't released her wrist, not that Lapis minded, until Jasper pushed her against the car forcefully, her eyes fierce and intense. Lapis was worried.

"You're right, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"That was sick as fuck!" Jasper exclaimed, giving Lapis the toothiest grin she had ever seen. "I bet Almandine didn't expect that, you coulda broken her nose..."

Lapis smiled, Jasper's enthusiasm rubbing off on her. "Yeah! That was pretty awesome! Did you see how shocked she was? She was talking so much shit and I was so sick of listening to her..."

Jasper kissed her on the cheek, causing her face to blush; several students walking by stopped to gawk at them. She pushed against the larger woman and giggled, Jasper attempting to dodge her resistances, managing to plant wet kisses against her neck and ear.

"Jasper stop." Lapis giggled. "People are watching."

"Ah, you're no fun." Jasper released her, so she could run to the passenger side of the car and get in.

As Jasper drove, Lapis pulled out her notebook and worked on her homework. Her grades weren't necessarily slipping, but she felt like she hadn't been applying herself to her studies as much as she could have been. This relationship was taking up a lot of her time, not that she was complaining or anything.

She didn't even realize they had made it home, until Jasper had opened her door and held her hand out to her.

"Miss Nosebreaker, are you ready to depart your vehicle yet?" Jasper asked, poking Lapis in the cheek with one of her thick fingers.

Lapis stuffed the notebook and pen back into her bag before grabbing Jasper's hand and allowing her to help her out of the car. Jasper and her bumped hips as they meandered up the stairs and into the apartment. Lapis pulled out her journal to write her entry for the day in it, while Jasper sat on the couch, unlacing her sneakers and stretching out her toes on the table.

"So do you like, still visit your therapist?" Jasper asked casually, pulling off her socks and dropping them to the floor.

"Huh? Yeah I'm scheduled once a month unless I call her up and make an emergency appointment." She replied quickly, continuing to scribble things down in her journal.

"Oh I see."

Lapis focused on her journal entry. She wrote about holding Jasper's hand, her fears, her happiness... her concerns about Peridot. After about twenty minutes she sighed, pursing her lips and closing the little black book tightly, slipping it back into her bag where Jasper wouldn't take it out and read it. She then cuddled up against Jasper on the couch, enjoying the warmth emanating from the larger woman's body.

They cuddled happily on the couch; Lapis turning on some cheesy romantic movie for them to watch. It ended up being a mistake, because Lapis found herself blubbering over the cheesiest part... It was a part where the girlfriend of the really sweet main character dies, protecting the one she loved. Jasper snickered to herself.

"Don't you do that to me, okay? Promise you won't die and leave me here all alone..." She sobbed, turning to face her muscular girlfriend and grab onto her face possessively. Jasper's smile quickly faded, which really made Lapis worry even more. She was going to inquire about what Jasper was going to do tonight, but the doorknob turned, and Peridot sheepishly entered, her hand covering both of her eyes.

"Are you decent? Should I come back in five minutes?" Peridot asked, not even daring to peek through her fingers at them.

"It's fine Peridot, we're not having sex." Jasper replied quickly, standing up to go into the bedroom. Lapis watched Peridot sigh in relief, sitting herself down on the farthest end of the couch from Lapis as she could.

Her behavior was irritating to Lapis, but she couldn't expect anything more from the girl. They were two opposing forces, clashing against each other; trying to meet the same goal. Well, that was how Lapis felt anyway, she wasn't entirely sure how Peridot really felt, they hadn't had the opportunity to have a real conversation with one another. She supposed it was the reason Jasper was going out, probably to gamble; to give them time to interact and figure things out.

She slid down the couch onto her knees and grabbed the fat white binder where Jasper kept all of her DVD's. She flipped open the front cover, forgetting the first few pages were _full_ of smutty lesbian porn videos. She shrieked, shutting the binder quickly and turning back to look at the blonde woman sitting on the couch. Her face looked dead serious, until Lapis saw it crack with the eruption of uncontrolled giggles expelling from her gut.

"Wow." Peridot tried to speak, but she was laughing so hard, it was making it extremely difficult for her to form words. The laughter was contagious, and before she knew it, Lapis joined Peridot in her fit of giggles. Jasper came out of the bedroom, in a plain black t-shirt, jeans, and her converse, looking at them like they were a bunch of jacked up drug addicts.

"What did I miss?" She asked, putting her foot up against the couch and tightening the laces of her shoes.

"Same old Jas, still collecting porn and not caring where you leave it; or who's going to see it." Peridot clutched her stomach, attempting to take in deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Lapis tried holding her breath, but when she saw Peridot's flustered face, she burst out laughing once more. It was now to the point where her sides were beginning to split with pain.

"Lapis, come here." Jasper said, while pulling on a black hoodie, and zipping it up. Lapis obliged, stumbling over to Jasper; immediately being pulled into a bear hug like she had never felt before. Something suddenly didn't feel right. Why did she feel like this was... no...

"Beautiful." Jasper whispered, before giving Lapis a long drawn out kiss, only heightening the feeling of paranoia she was already suffering from, and trying to hide. It felt like Jasper was saying good-bye to her; but that could have been her fucked up brain fabricating things again.

Before she could even respond, Jasper left, throwing up her hood and shoving her hands deep into her pockets, leaving Lapis and Peridot watching her from the doorway.

 **JASPER**

The look on Lapis' face almost made her change her mind about sneaking off to the fights. She knew Lapis wasn't stupid, and had probably figured out she was up to something. No, she had to close off her mind now and focus on the task ahead. She had her hair tied back in a ponytail, her hands wrapped with gauze and athletic tape, to protect her knuckles when she punched Y.D in her filthy face.

Traveling quickly by foot, she stopped for no one; not even when she rounded a corner and knocked something out of someone's hands. They yelled angrily after her, but she ignored it, aiming to make it to the location of the fighting pit as soon as possible.

Jasper came up to two large apartment complexes that stood so close to each other; if you were in the apartments with windows facing inwards, you could probably jump over to the other building easily. In between the buildings was a set of stone stairs she ran down quickly, and opened the door awaiting her at the bottom. She entered a large underground space completely packed with people.

"Yo. State your business." A large, beefy looking guy stopped her, shamelessly sticking out his chest with the plain yellow diamond tattoo jutting out at her.

"Hey man, I'm here to enter the fight." She said coolly, standing in front of him and making the same pose as him. She held up Lapis' tear-shaped diamond bracelet, holding it in front of his eyes, watching them twinkle a little at the sight of it.

She had carefully made sure to hide her diamond tattoo under a modest black t-shirt under her hoodie. She was the only one with the flare and color choice on her tattoo, and anyone would immediately recognize who she was if they even had a single glance at it.

Diamond tattoos signified ranking among the members of Y.D's gang. Initiates who've sworn themselves to the Gang Leader get a simple black outline of a diamond, directly on their sternum. This is the tattoo Peridot has. When you're fully considered a good contributor to the Gang, you get your yellow filled in, and you basically get the rights to boss around initiates. Anything after that is a competition for privileges and Y.D's favor. Other than Y.D's tattoo, Jasper's was the most colorful; because Y.D had really taken pride in her and her contributions to the Gang. Even Almandine, her newest hand of fate, had only a solid black border around her tattoo.

The security man looked Jasper up and down, shrugged, and took the bracelet from her.

"Assuming these are real diamonds, which we'll find out if they're not... You're just in time. Tell me your name so I can add you in."

"Just put J down. You don't need to know my name."

She pushed past him, slipping through the crowd towards the pit. People tried to shove her back, but she was relentless, shoving her heel into their feet, and elbowing them in their sides. She eventually made it to the metal wall of the pit, where she could look down and see the fight developing below her. Sitting in a raised chair so she could watch easily, was Y.D herself, with Almandine standing on the ground in front of her watching the fight with intense satisfaction.

"Hey I heard wind that someone may have tipped off the Crystal Gang about what we were up to tonight." Jasper 's ears twitched, hearing the mention of the Crystal gang made them burn as she listened to the conversation happening next to her.

"No, Verry said that to freak you out, there's no way they would dare, we're deep in the heart of Diamond territory..."

"Garnet won't stand for the trafficking of-"

"DRAG HIM OUT AND PIN HIM DOWN! PATHETIC, WORTHLESS!"

Jasper and everyone around her all looked in the same direction towards Y.D, who was now standing, screaming commands and orders down towards the pit. She watched Almandine leap over the wall down into the pit as her and _Jason_ drug away the loser. Y.D jumped down and disappeared behind the crowd across the pit from her, so she couldn't see what was happening to him. The only sound currently audible now, were the shrill screams from the loser, and cracks of the whip that was cleaving the flesh off his back. Jasper shuddered.

"The winner was our favorite, Olivia, better known as 'Onyx!'"

Jasper groaned at the mention of 'Onyx'; boy did she remember her perfectly. Onyx was mean, strong, and loved to talk shit. Jasper and her used to run drug operations together, taking turns on who would be the one holding someone down; and who would be the one bloodying them up.

"Our next opponent, is known only as J. So get your ass down there and show us what you're made of!" The announcer demanded. Jasper lifted her body over the wall, and fell heavy onto her feet. At first she was afraid Onyx recognized her, but maybe the large dark woman was just impressed with her or something.

"Who the fuck are you?" She spat, bloody sputum hitting the ground next to her.

"Don't you worry about that, let's go." Jasper pounded her fist into her open palm, eager for the fight to begin. She would thoroughly enjoy kicking Onyx's ass, as pay back for that one time two years ago...

Her eyes darted up towards Y.D's seat, where the Leader was sitting cross-legged, wiping blood from her whip with a white cloth. She hadn't been paying attention yet, and Jasper wondered what exactly was going to happen when she figured out it was her.

"Fight!"

She had let her mind wander too much, and that was a mistake. Onyx got a nice cuff to her left jaw, sending her staggering backwards, her hood falling from her head, revealing her fluffy cream colored ponytail. Onyx gave her an odd look, like she was experiencing a bout of deja vu. Jasper took this opportunity to run her elbow hard against Onyx's side, jarring her from her own daydreams and causing her to focus.

"What, you think you're something? I got news for you baby, you're messing with the wrong woman!"

Onyx was able to throw a punch into Jasper's stomach, causing her to keel over as her gut threatened to expel its contents. She wrapped her arms around Onyx's leg as the other woman aimed to use it to thrust her onto the ground, using the force of her movement to throw the unsuspecting woman down into the dirt.

Onyx quickly picked herself up, the next blow Jasper felt in her ribs; her sluggish movement was going to get herself killed. She quickly took her hoodie off, throwing it to the side, making her feel a tiny bit better. She made a glance up to Y.D, who was leaning forward, her eyes watching them intensely now. Almandine was also leaning over the wall, and Jasper could see that the red head recognized her. _Shit, they fucking went to school together after all._

Before she knew it, she was on her back with Onyx straddling her, holding her up by the collar of her shirt. She struggled against this woman, but Jasper was in a terrible position, making it extremely hard to move. The next shot to her nose sent her head crashing to the floor, her shirt tearing where Onyx had held it, and revealing the yellow diamond tattooed upon her chest.

"What... J.J?" Onyx spoke with surprise thick in her voice. Jasper grabbed her nose and touched warm blood, reminding her of when Lapis slugged Almandine in the nose earlier that day.

"Well, well, well. Look who crashed my little... operation. Just couldn't stay away could you?"

Jasper felt a sharp pain in both her wrists as two heavy sets of boots pushed against her arms, pinning her to the ground. On the one side of her was Almandine _of course_ , and the other was the fuckface _Jason_. So, he _did_ work for Y.D after all. She knew there was something fishy about his sudden interest in Lapis, and his harassment of Peridot.

Y.D bent down, a malicious smirk upon her face, peering at her with icy blue eyes; _obviously_ contacts. She should have expected something like this to happen, she just wanted to make it through before she was found out.. Guess that wasn't going to happen...

"Jasper, what a pleasant surprise." Y.D sneered, twisting her face into a sideways grin as she spoke. "How did you find out about this little... gathering?"

Jasper clenched her teeth behind her lips, staying quiet. Why humor this bitch's sadistic nature as she lay there unable to do anything about it?

"Y.D what are your orders?" Almandine asked, putting more of her weight into the boot holding Jasper's right arm pinned against the ground.

Y.D saw this and frowned, grabbing Almandine by her hair and tugging her hard; causing her to stagger back. Jason saw this and stepped back, probably glad he didn't have hair to be pulled.

"Let her fight. J.J if you can beat Onyx, Jason, and Almandine, I'll give you a fight to remember. Then, when you lose, I'll make you _scream_ for mercy. I'll tear your walls down, I'll tear it _all_ down. ONYX. You're up. Don't disappoint me."

Fuck. Y.D liked to talk shit. She hadn't actually expected the Gang Leader to let her fight. She rolled over onto her knees and picked herself up, her arms pulsing where the boots had dug into her muscles.

 _Here we go again._

 **LAPIS**

She could _not_ sit still! She found herself glancing at the clock, only to find the minutes ticking slowly by; slower than a snail's pace at best. Her and Peridot were watching a dumb movie, the big screen version of her favorite book, 'A Day to Remember'. She couldn't focus on the movie, not with Jasper constantly dancing around in her mind. She half expected her phone to light up, or someone to come to the door and tell her that her girlfriend was in the hospital... _or dead._

" _I can't believe they downplayed Ann and Theresa's relationship in this movie!_ The whole point of the story was to show this poor girl living her life as a lie, while also revealing her truly deep affection for her best friend. Fuck I hate Hollywood." Peridot complained very loudly, speaking towards the TV as if it could understand her.

"Yeah that was totally shitty of them to do. I'm guessing you read the book then?" Lapis inquired politely, the conversation helping to distract her from her anxious thoughts.

"Those books are my favorite realistic drama series. You can really feel Ann's pain, what with her family being close-minded..."

"Yeah, I can relate."

"Oh, right..."

Wow, they actually had something in common. Why did this surprise her? She felt like a dolt, developing these preconceived notions about this girl, without even taking the time to get to know her first. That wasn't like her. She blamed her insecurity on the fact that she had low self-esteem; even though Jasper had never made her feel that way...

She sighed, and scooted closer to Peridot, feeling like the space they had put between them was an embodiment of malicious presumption, based on the fact they both loved the same woman. Lapis needed to accept Peridot not as an enemy, but as an unfortunate pawn for Y.D to make the ends meet in her pitiful game.

"What are your hobbies?" She asked, breaking the silence.

"My hobbies? Um..." Peridot pulled at her collar, blatantly nervous about Lapis' sudden interest in her. "You'll probably think this strange but I... I like to study, write, and I really like online shooters. It's embarrassing to admit, but I'm kind of a rager when it comes to those..."

"What kind of things do you like to write?" Lapis was even more curious now; writing being something she enjoyed to do herself.

Peridot just coughed, a rose-colored hue appearing in her cheeks, making her freckles stick out more, and Lapis smiled knowingly at her.

"You're a dirty little pervert aren't you?" She asked, jokingly.

"I-I'm not a pervert I just really enjoy writing it, posting it on the internet, and waiting to see what people think, okay? It's a good outlet for me since I... y'know..."

"Peri, I was joking, I think it's cool you write smut on the internet." She laughed, nudging the blonde woman playfully in her side.

"Ow..." Peridot winced, and Lapis pulled her elbow back swiftly.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I forgot."

Awkward silence, again. Lapis knew how Peridot felt a little bit, having been beaten by Almandine a few times, but the trauma of being abused over and over; trying to protect someone you love... That she couldn't relate to at all.

"I can't... I can't keep this guilt to myself any longer." Peridot spoke suddenly, her voice wavering slightly. "Lapis, there's something you need to know about where Jasper went tonight, before it's too late."

She held her breath.

"She entered a fighting a pit, anted up your bracelet so she could fight Y.D again."

No. This was a mistake...

"What!? We have to stop her! I _knew it..."_

"Don't you know how dangerous it would be for us to just crash a big rig operation like that? Y.D would probably have us killed." Peridot objected, her facial expression torn between disbelief and sadness.

"And if she dies? And I don't get to see her again!? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something like that happened to her..." She snapped back, slipping her shoes on. She put on one of Jasper's way-too-big for her hoodies. She flipped the hood up, and it covered her blue hair, even dropping over her eyes, hiding them in a masking shadow. Jasper's scent washed over her, making her feel depressed and even more upset that the larger woman felt once again; the need to keep her in the dark about things.

"You're right." Peridot sighed, joining her and throwing her own overly large hoodie on. They walked out the door, locking it behind them. "You're not going to be able to make it in without me, I can get us in."

xxx

Nobody was manning the entrance when they arrived at the underground fighting pit. The crowd was rowdy and rambunctious; everyone was crowded around this metal pit, watching the brawlers below beat the shit out of each other. Lapis was feeling pretty lucky, not having to deal with some Y.D appointed security buffoon that would risk revealing them. She didn't want to think about what could happen if they were caught.

Being fairly small themselves, the two of them were able to squeeze between the crowd. Maneuvering in this way, felt like they were diving through a massive, intricate labyrinth. The movement of the crowd shoved them through the gaps between people, until they reached an area directly touching the wall, so they could watch the fight. Lapis' heart wrenched when she saw Jasper down there, striking her foot against her opponents face, effectively sending him reeling into the wall, knocking him out cold.

Lapis recognized him barely through his bruises and blood covered face, as the douche Jason. The guy who's groin she had kicked to deter him from continuing his harassment onto Peridot. From what she could see, Jasper looked fairly good, minus the rips in her shirt, and the dirt that now covered her body.

"GET HIM OUTTA HERE."

She jumped a little at the commanding; booming voice behind her, and looked up to see she was standing directly in front of Y.D, who was perched above her on a high seat. It was probably put there as a means of her keeping a watchful eye over everyone as the fighting happened below them.

The Gang Leader dropped to the ground behind her and she froze, reaching over and gripping Peridot's hand tightly. It was comforting, especially since Y.D shoved past them; and that's when she realized Almandine was standing directly to her right side. She breathed carefully, praying to every deity ever, that they wouldn't be noticed standing there.

"Almandine," Y.D's voice was hoarse and full of gravelly tones, like she was losing it from screaming too much. "Put that cigarette out and get your ass down there and _beat her into the Goddamn ground._ What's the point of having lackeys, if none of you can seem to do your fucking job."

"Y-Yes..."

Almandine crushed her cigarette butt into the ground with her foot, before leaping into the pit. Lapis dared herself to watch. Jasper cracked her neck, then her knuckles, before her and Almandine's fists connected in a heated brawl.

"Boss, what are you going to do if, well, _when_ Almandine loses to Jasper? Are you really going to face her?"

"She'll be so fucking exhausted by that time anyway, so I suppose I would have to... I _did_ say I would... Fuck."

Lapis gasped as Jasper took Almandine's boot to her side, distracting the larger woman from Almandine's hands that wrapped tightly around Jasper's throat, bringing her crippling down onto her knees; clutching the red-heads arms for a much needed breath. Lapis lurched forward, but Peridot wrapped her arms around Lapis', holding her still in place.

"Don't be an idiot. She's standing right next to you!" Peridot hissed under her breath.

Jasper pushed herself back up onto her feet with great effort, gripping Almandine's arms and pushing back against her, until the red-heads body was pinned against the wall; Jasper's knee colliding with Almandine's gut, making her let go of Jasper's neck and clutch her own stomach.

Y.D's hands gripped the wall as she leaned in, her fierce looking eyes burning down at the fight below. Lapis couldn't help but really study this woman; this being the closest she had ever been to her.

Y.D's hair was gelled up into a Mohawk, both sides of her head shaved, leaving her side burns curling against her cheekbones. Lapis could tell her hair was bleached, making it the color yellow she saw, because she could see the black-brown roots where they connected to her scalp. Her lobes adorned large yellow diamonds, _of course, what a fucking show off,_ and Lapis wondered if her ears were gauged. She counted twelve piercings in the woman's ear. She sucked in a sharp breath as Y.D turned, and she saw the most vivid yellow diamond tattoo she had ever seen to date adorning her chest.

"Get out of my way." Y.D elbowed her in the chest as she thrust herself past, the crowd splitting around her, like everyone could just sense when she was approaching them.

Lapis finally felt like she could breathe again, as she resumed watching Jasper and Almandine fight. It was crazy how evenly matched the two women were, even though Jasper's breathing seemed to be heavier; her movements looking to be a bit more forced as she attempted to keep up. Jasper threw her forearms up in front of her face as Almandine beat into her with fast, hard jabbing punches. Lapis suddenly saw an opening, an opportune moment; Jasper having noticed the same thing as she swung her arm out, palming Almandine's throat and forcing her down onto her back against the ground.

"This isn't going to change the outcome!" Almandine gasped, a sort of delirium overtaking her. "We're going to take everything from you and tear you apart piece by piece! We'll take everyone you care about, and destroy them before your very eyes!"

"Just try and take them from me!" Jasper roared back, shoving her foot against Almandine's throat; Lapis clutching her own, only imagining what that must have felt like. "I fucking dare you."

"Do you?" Y.D shoved Jasper off of Almandine, the red-head crawling away out of the pit to safety. "You better watch what you wish for, I could take that as a challenge; making your deadly wish a reality."

Jasper took a step backwards for each step Y.D took towards her, until her back was against the wall directly below Lapis and Peridot. At that point Lapis wanted to grab onto Jasper and run, far away from everything, so they could be free and live in peace...

"Ah, I see how you found out about this place." Y.D taunted, standing before Jasper, hands twitching at her sides, "Peridot finally cracked, and now you're here to try and convince me to leave your little girlfriends alone. Can't have just one huh, you need _all_ the lesbians in your bed, huh?"

"Shut the fuck up." Jasper snarled.

Then, the fighting began. Y.D was relentless. You could tell she was well-versed in the ways of street-fighting as she dodged all of Jasper's movements. Jasper hadn't been in a fight for... a long time, and she couldn't keep up. She was exhausted, probably having to fight through a few people to make it this far. Lapis' anxiety was stuck like a knot in her throat; Peridot distantly whining that she was clenching her hand too tightly. Blood was pounding in her ear drums, drowning out all the sound around her, as she focused on this fight between the two women below.

Peridot's voice had seemed so far away, not like she was standing directly next to her. Lapis felt like she was staring down a dark tunnel, the only thing she could see was Jasper and Y.D... _and Jasper was losing._

Her girlfriend had overestimated the space in which she would be able to move in order to dodge Y.D's cuff into her jaw, Y.D circling around her and slamming her heavy boots into the back of Jasper's knees, causing her to fall to them once more.

It was like watching her worst nightmare come to fruition then, as Y.D pulled her balisong knife from her pants, and sliced it across Jasper's abdomen. Everyone was dead silent now, the only noise to be heard was Jasper heaving with pain, holding her bloodied hands in front of her like she couldn't believe what had happened to her.

"JASPER!" Lapis screamed, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. Y.D's face warped with venomous intent, as she gripped Jasper's hair and held her head back.

"LAPIS LAZULI! Peridot! How nice of you to join us this fine, fucking evening!" Y.D sniffed the air, the wild grin upon her features made Lapis feel queasy, as her brain started playing the worst possible outcomes of this situation out across her mind. "Isn't this just beautiful! The scent of fresh blood overloads my senses and drives me _crazy._ "

That's when Y.D turned and slashed her knife carelessly across Jasper's face, the sound emitting from her vocal chords was earsplitting; the emotion she felt like a hand clenching her heart and squeezing it, threatening it to burst inside of her.

"No!" Lapis screamed watching as Jasper clutched her face, the larger woman's arms shaking violently as blood poured down her face, chin dripping with the thick red liquid.

Many gasps were heard, and Lapis saw something different out of the corner of her eyes. Standing upon Y.D's chair now, was a dark, mysterious woman with a black and red jacket, a star emblazoned on the back, her eyes covered with dark shades. Her hair was thick with black curls, and she commanded everyone's attention just by standing there. She made a hand motion, and screams erupted in the crowd, sending the people scattering like headless chickens.

"It's a RAID! The Crystals are here!" Lapis heard someone shout as they ran into her, separating her from Peridot and shoving her against the legs of the tall chair.

She recovered quickly, wanting nothing more than to reach Jasper, she had to, she was losing so much blood! She dove past members of what she presumed to be the 'Crystal Gang', her foot scraping against their hands as they tried to grab her.

Members of the opposing gangs had several small skirmishes brandished in front of her, making it difficult for her to slip by, not wanting to be knocked out cold herself. She slid down the steep incline, diving between someone's legs, and rolling to a stop on her knees in front of the opening to the pit.

Jasper was laying on her side in the middle of it, barely conscious. Her hair was wild about her, no longer pulled back into the tight ponytail she had had it in. From where she was, Lapis could see the new gash across her face; causing her to choke up at the sight of it. Fuck Y.D and her cheap tactics, if she would have fought fair, Lapis really believed Jasper could have beaten her...

"Jasper, I'm coming!" Lapis screamed, gaining her lover's attention, as the larger woman opened her eyes halfway to look at her. The blood covering her face made it hard for Lapis to look at her. She had to keep telling herself the wounds weren't that bad, head wounds always looked worse than they really were, right?

Lapis sprinted towards Jasper, the larger woman reaching her hand out towards her. She was almost there, there hands were going to touch, and she was going to help her-

"Got ya!"

"No!" Lapis screamed as someone wrapped their arms around her waist, hoisting her up and throwing her over their shoulder. "Put me down! I have to get to her, she's dying! Can't you see she's dying?" She kicked and hit the person who had grabbed her, as she desperately tried to keep her vision onto the woman she loved.

"I can't let you continue to interfere! This is for your own good!"

Lapis continued to scream incoherently, tears flowing endlessly down her cheeks; Jasper's bloodied body leaving a permanent imprint upon her mind... This had to be some kind of sick joke, this had to be a nightmare, this wasn't real! She just had to _wake up_. Time was moving in slow motion as she desperately tried to slip out of this person's grip. _They had been so close, their fingers had almost touched._ The last thing she had seen of Jasper, was her resting her head back against the ground, and closing her eyes.

The person who was carrying her threw her into the back of a large van; she only caught a glimpse of the woman before she shut the doors on her.

"Garnet!?" She wailed, pounding her fists against the doors of the van, her hands quickly becoming numb as she hit it harder and harder. Chunks of sharp metal stabbed into her hands, and it didn't stop her from trying her hardest to break down the door... Until the bones in her hand felt jarred and heated with a searing pain she could actually feel. That's when she leaned back, and the door opened again, as Peridot was shoved into the van next to her.

"Garnet!" Lapis shoved her foot in the door, the dark woman barely stopping the doors from crushing Lapis' leg. "You have to go back for her, you have to!" She begged. She would get down and lick this woman's boots if that's what she wanted from her; she would do anything to know that Jasper was going to be okay, that her heart was beating; that she was still alive.

"You don't understand what you've gotten yourself into, and I'm going to bring down this 'Diamond Gang'; every last one of them! I won't have innocent people like you getting involved, just forget about her!" Garnet pushed Lapis' leg into the van.

" _You don't understand! I love her, I..."_

Garnet slammed the door in her face, refusing to hear another word from her.

Lapis sat there dumbfounded, unable to breathe. Garnet was supposed to be the 'good guy', wasn't she? She was supposed to protect the people. Why did she feel like she was just as cruel as the Diamonds she fought against? She started to hyperventilate, the oxygen she was taking in was choking her, not helping her. Her body was going cold as it struggled to process her quickened breaths, until she felt something warm touch her hand; and she focused her gaze to see Peridot there, tears streaming from her eyes as well.

"I love her, Peridot. Isn't that... I love her. I didn't tell her I loved her, just then, I didn't..."

Peridot pulled her into her arms, and Lapis gave in, crying into the blonde woman's chest, clutching her tightly and refusing to let go.

"I love her... I love her... Isn't that enough... Why doesn't anyone understand that I..." She blubbered, digging her nails subconsciously into Peridot's back.

Peridot patted her head gently.

"I understand Lapis."

The blue-haired girl couldn't stop saying 'I love her.' Even long after the van had started moving, and her tears had gone dry.

They seemed to be driving for a long time, but time was lost from her, she didn't care how long it had been. Her and Peridot laid down next to each other on the cold metal floor; Peridot allowing Lapis to snuggle against her; and Peridot never stopped stroking her hair. She found small comfort in this, her fingers twitching against the other woman's stomach as her entire body went numb.


	15. Chapter 15

Lapis was blindfolded by Garnet and carried out of the the van she had been in. She didn't struggle anymore, because she really felt there was no point now. She didn't know where she was; she had given up hope. If no one had gotten to Jasper then she was probably dead, and Lapis was determined to join her on the other side.

She was placed on a soft bed; Garnet removed the blindfold so she could see she was in a very small room. There was a toilet in the corner, and a table with two chairs. Peridot was there, standing idly in the corner, staring off into space. Her face was downcast, clean streaks running through her dirt-covered face because she had cried so much.

"So what, now you're going to keep me trapped here, like a prisoner? I'd rather Y.D taken me and _killed_ me, than be here, _humiliated_ and locked up." Lapis said, glaring at the woman who had prevented her from saving Jasper.

"If you just let me explain... Didn't Steven tell you... I asked him to tell you; hopefully to have you decide to leave her on your own, before you were too attached..."

"You talk as if anything you say to me would sway my feelings for Jasper, but they won't. Go away, just leave me here to rot!" Lapis shouted, turning around in the bed and facing the wall, her cheeks heated with the anger she was now feeling. That anger only comforted her for a short time, before the depression sank in and the anxiety crawled back into her stomach.

"I know you're mad, but you'll come around." Garnet sighed, before Lapis heard her shut the door behind her. She turned her head enough to watch as Peridot slid down the wall, bringing her knees to her chest and crying silently into them. She could see the blonde's shoulders heaving as she cried, and this display immediately caused her to cry and bury her face against the fabric of Jasper's hoodie she still wore.

She couldn't help but think the worst of her situation, assuming if Jasper hadn't died from her wounds, Y.D had probably killed her by now. Why didn't she _demand_ Jasper to tell her what was really going on so she could convince her not to do it? Why would Jasper risk her life _again_ after _she knew_ that Y.D didn't play fair? She was starting to think everything that had happened lately was all her fault.

She felt Peridot climb into the bed next to her, and her body froze.

"I'm sorry I just...I..." The blonde stuttered behind her. At this point did any of the jealous feelings Lapis had felt towards this woman matter anymore? Peridot _knew_ how she felt. She understood more than anyone; and Peridot wasn't shaming her or making her feel bad about it either. She reached behind her and pulled Peridot's arm around her, allowing her to snuggle against her back this time. It made the darkness she was feeling a little more manageable.

When food was slid under their door, she sat at the table and stared at it. It wasn't meager by any means; but she just couldn't stand the thought of eating. She pushed her plate towards Peridot and went back to the bed to mope.

Each meal she refused, even though by suppertime her stomach felt like it was screaming at her for much needed nourishment. She ignored it; and despite the concerned looks from Peridot, she even refused to drink. Eventually, she stopped speaking. Was she using this as means to rebel? To get what she wanted? No. She was losing every good feeling she had ever felt, leaving only an emptiness inside of her; and she was so numb...

Another day passed; again she refused all her meals. She only got out of the bed to use the toilet, and with her lack of intake, it wasn't very often she would use it. If Peridot tried talking to her, she had shut it all out; the nagging pain in the back of her mind kept all the energy she had, used up. Her fingers were cold, and her mouth was dry. She swore Peridot tried giving her water, but she pursed her lips shut, refusing to even allow herself a taste, the cool liquid repelled off her lips and dampened the flesh of her ear, leaving a wet spot on the pillow below her.

By the third day she wanted to die. She found herself sleeping most of the time away. Peridot had been more aggressive towards her; shaking her and yelling at her, but she couldn't comprehend what exactly she was trying to say to her. Her muscles were weak, so when Peridot turned her onto her back in the bed and gripped her face with both of her hands; she was able to see the tears rushing from her lime green eyes, dripping from her chin onto her own nose, so she didn't resist. She could barely keep her eyes open.

"Why are you doing this Lapis, you haven't eaten anything, you haven't drank anything... I know it's hard, but... you're going to die!" Peridot said to her, forcing her to look up at her when she tried to look away from the blonde woman. "I know you and I have had our differences at first, but I've _seen_ the way Jasper looks at you. I've watched you two interact with each other from the beginning, and I've never seen a relationship dance quite like yours before. Y-You think this is what Jasper would want, dead _or_ alive? She'd want you to _live_ Lapis, that's why she put herself in danger in the first place! _She wants you to live!_ "

Lapis felt the tiniest tinge of guilt from Peridot's words, but she still said nothing. Her tongue was heavy, her mouth unable to form the words she would have wanted to speak. She really didn't have the motivation to say anything. All she could do was stare at Peridot, the freckles on her cheeks emanating a healthy pink glow. Unlike her, Peridot had actually eaten her meals, always leaving Lapis' plate on the table in case she had decided to actually get up and eat.

"I'm going to lose you too at this rate, before we even have a chance to be friends..."

Peridot's words hit Lapis straight through the heart like a piercing arrow. Hadn't Rose taught her to love wholly and unconditionally? She believed in friendship, it was so important to her... Yet here she was, denying Peridot the opportunity to get to know her. This all rang deja vu in her mind. She didn't think she had it in her, but she started crying once more; embarrassed, and hating herself more than ever.

Peridot saw this and her face softened. She held Lapis' head in her lap as she positioned herself in the bed against a wall.

"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you."

Lapis closed her eyes and fell back into her dreamless sleep.

On the fourth day, Garnet came at Peridot's request, and sat at the table with Peridot; as she explained to the curly-haired woman about Lapis' refusal to eat or drink. Garnet sighed heavily, and Lapis forced herself to sit up against the wall so she could glare at her.

"I'm sorry for keeping you here, Lapis. It was very brash of me, and I'm sorry I haven't been here to explain. I'm sorry you feel the need to starve yourself..." Garnet said, approaching her carefully and placing her hand upon Lapis'. She did not reply, and Garnet took it upon herself to kneel next to the bed, and slip her shades off, revealing her eyes.

Lapis gasped a little as she was mesmerized by what she saw. Garnet's eyes were brimming with tears. One of her eyes was a brownish red color, and the other was a very gray-blue. In the middle of her forehead she had a tattoo of an eye, and the sight of it made her shiver.

"Please, won't you talk to me?" Garnet asked, wiping the tears away before they could spill over her lower lids. Lapis didn't respond. She was stubborn and angry, and far too numb to even care.

"It's like she's lost the will to speak... I'm so worried about you, Lapis..." Peridot muttered, taking off her glasses to wipe them with her shirt.

"Fine, if you won't talk, then just listen. I'm going to tell you why I founded the _Crystal Gang._ "

"This story starts fifteen years ago when Y.D gained control of the _Diamond Gang._ She was cold, ruthless, and started a new brand of crime in East City. The trafficking of young women into the sex industry. There are so many young women out there who are depressed, with low self-esteem, and Y.D preyed on them like a cheetah to her prey. She also was responsible for introducing a new drug into this city, called CYD. I watched this drug destroy so many lives, its addictive properties and uses drove this city mad, and the demand for it skyrocketed. It was sold to college kids to help them focus; but the after effects were what it was all about. It made you feel _good_ , like a mixture of adderall and I don't know... something weaker than ecstasy. It is _extremely_ addictive, and your body builds a fast tolerance to it, leaving you feeling like you always need more, until you overdose and it kills you. It's also very, very expensive. I don't know where it was made, but that's not the point. At first the police force were doing everything they could to fight this surge of crime, but Y.D was relentless."

"She kidnapped the Chief of Police's daughter, and won the support of the police force, ransoming complete cooperation of their team for the safety of this one child. Y.D's Gang grew so large, and she had such a supreme control over her members, _and she's never been caught._ I watched my friends succumb to drugs, and a few of them were sold into slavery. This is when I started to do research on the Gang behind the surge of drugs and violent crime in East City. When I was 17, 9 years after Y.D had begun controlling the gang activity, I dropped out of school to get away from this place, because I couldn't stand it anymore. I vowed to bring Y.D down, and with it the entire infrastructure of her gang. I gathered support in a year of traveling and formed my own crew; as more and more people experienced the pain that I did, we were slowly able to erode away the members of the gang. I had made connections, getting the feds involved, and funding support for a new police force in town. Yes, I understand this is strange, because I was so young, and I still am; but believe me, I had friends in high places-"

"Garnet," Peridot interceded, "how did Y.D even gain control of the gang anyway?"

"She was born into it. An orphan, running small operations for the original Leader. At 13 years old she was a full member, her yellow diamond tattoo shone brighter than the rest; the first one to have their tattoo colored, showing her superiority above everyone else. Sure, a lot of gang members probably tried to get rid of her, seeing as how she was just a child, but even at that age, she was a ruthless monster. She used her age to get kids into drugs, and no one suspected anything from a teenage girl of course. Those kids became adults, and long term buyers of the Gang's products. Mostly pills stolen from hospitals and nursing homes. At 15 she had earned respect from her peers; she had never failed an assignment, even saving several of her peers from prison, by effectively destroying evidence without leaving a trace for the police to track her down. At 18 she became hardened and resolved. All love gone from her heart; I'm not even sure she knew what love was anymore. By 20 years of age, she murdered the Boss in cold blood, and effectively took control of the Diamond Gang."

"One of my first operations was seeding an initiate into her gang to try and learn info about her, so we could bring her down from the inside... But Y.D knew. She sent this person on dangerous drug runs, working them to the bone, before revealing them to her crew. She gave her members the option to shoot the intruder, and you know what she did instead? She tortured them, getting information out of them before finally ending their life. She's not some Saturday morning cartoon villain, she's very real, and _always_ seems to get what she wants. She's _insane_."

"Wow..." Peridot said, laying her hand against her chest subconsciously while she listened.

"That may be the case... but I still fail to see what this has to do with you _ripping_ me away from my _dying_ girlfriend, and trapping me here in this _HELLHOLE_." Lapis screamed suddenly, shocking Garnet into falling backwards onto her ass on the cold concrete floor.

"Jasper Jazu, Y.D's most loyal servant. How you two even fell into one another is beyond me."

"How do you even know all this stuff anyway? It sounds to me like some of this stuff you shouldn't know because you were like, two years old when it happened." Peridot interjected, drawing Garnet's attention away from Lapis. "Who is your special 'contact', providing you with all the information and help you needed? I know you just said you were young, but damn, you're only like 3 years older than me!"

"I just know. I have my intel."

It was pretty obvious Garnet wasn't going to let slip more details of her own 'rise to power', but there had to be someone pulling the strings, but she really didn't care too much about it at that moment. Lapis thought about all Garnet had shared, but none of it had really interested her. She didn't care about Y.D and her stupid gang. She just wanted everyone to leave her alone and let her go home. She clutched her chest as her anxiety caused her to choke up at the thought. _She wanted to go home more than anything else now. And home meant Jasper..._

"Jasper ran away from home when she was 17 years old. So, 3 years ago."

"No!" Lapis said sternly, shoving her fingers into her ears so she couldn't hear what Garnet was going to say next.

"You need to listen! Okay, because I want you to know what kind of person she really is!" Garnet looked so intense, Lapis dropped her fingers and finally allowed her to speak again.

"Enraged and angry at the world, Jasper left her home on her 17th birthday. She found some drugs, and started a fight with a guy who was trying to rip her off. She kicked his ass, took his stash and cash, and holed herself up in a hotel. It just happened to be where Y.D and her crew were hosting a party in the King Suite. Y.D, having already received word that Jasper, the one who stole _her_ drug money, was in the same hotel as her, formulated a plan. She sent someone, Amber, down there to give her an invitation to the party. Jasper was so fucked up on drugs, of course she went. Who wouldn't want free booze and drugs?"

"After Jasper became nice and comfortable, and Y.D had time to study her behavior, she realized she could use Jasper to her advantage. She saw herself in Jasper, and that sparked the idea of asking her to join the gang into her brain. She had said no at first, until Amber convinced her using... extreme tactics. She offered her a one shot job, recruiting five new contacts to purchase the drugs she had stolen; and to shake down a small convenience store clerk that owed Y.D money. Jasper was more than able, earning ten new customers, and beating the piss out of the small business owner until he gave her twice as much money as she was told to bring back. That same night, under the allure of drugs; a beautiful woman, and money, Jasper bore her chest and earned her tattoo, jumping straight to the full color yellow diamond."

"It would have been different if she would have woken up and atoned for her sins, sobered up and 'repented' so to speak; but she didn't." Garnet was clenching her fists now, her nails digging sharply into the palms of her hands. "She thrived in her new family, and Y.D had taken a possessive liking to her. She wanted to keep Jasper busy, so the thought of leaving the gang would never cross her mind. For the next two years, the crime I fought so hard to destroy was growing like bacteria in a petri dish, it was out of control; it was _sick_."

"So what? Kinda sounds like her life sucked shit and Y.D was the only one who even offered to make it better." Lapis snapped. She didn't know why she said that, those things were horrible, and she should rightly find them wrong. Shouldn't she?

"How can you sit there and look me in the eyes and condone what she's done? Did you know she beat my sister into a broken mess, because she couldn't afford to pay Y.D off? She stole her car and her life savings; all of which caused my sister to hang herself, leaving her daughter all alone in this world! Did you know that when said daughter turned 18 years old, Jasper kidnapped her, demanded a ransom from _me,_ her only relative? When I paid that ransom, do you know what she did? _She sold her to be used as a slave for sex!"_

There it was, the reason Garnet hated Jasper so much. She held a large amount of resentment for her, blaming her for the death of her sister and the trafficking of her niece. Lapis now understood why this woman imposed herself into her life, pulling her away from Jasper... She had done some... terrible things...

"You're forgetting the most important part of your story, Garnet." Peridot interrupted again, pushing up her glasses against her nose. "Jasper wasn't the one who sold Sapphire into slavery, Y.D was. Jasper had every intention of returning Sapphire back to you, as planned. Y.D had other plans though, and that included binding the woman up and shipping her 'underground' to join her human trafficking 'ring'. Jasper could never forgive herself for what she had been a part of! She told me this story, and if you leave these details out, you're only picking reasons to hate her, instead of trying to understand what really happened!"

"She might as well have been the one responsible!" The dark woman argued.

"She risked being killed by Y.D, and was even able to get Sapphire home, but Sapphire _chose_ to go back, because what life did she have without her mom? She was too ashamed to go to you, afraid of what you would think of her, when she told you all the terrible things that had happened to her. Jasper beat herself up over that girl's fate for months! It wasn't her fault, it's so unfair of you to blame her!"

"You women and your undying love for that _monster!"_ Garnet shrieked, disbelief very plain about her face.

"You shut up and listen to me, okay? Jasper saved my goddamn life! Jasper was... my drug dealer, and I bought CYD from her once a week. Then twice a week. Then everyday I would find myself going back for more. Freshman year in college was extremely stressful, I was spending my tuition money on drugs just to relax and focus on all the work I had taken on. It got to the point where I would beg Jasper to slip me a little extra, because I couldn't afford to buy it anymore. Then she took me by the shoulders one day, tears streaking down her face, and she said to me: 'Peridot, look at yourself. These drugs are _killing_ you, and it's all my fault. You don't need these to release stress, or to focus on school. I _refuse_ to give you anymore, no matter how much you think you'll pay to get them. You're a good person, and good people shouldn't be buying drugs from bad people like me.' Jasper then proceeded to bring me to her hotel room, and stayed with me while I went through the worst detox; well the _only_ detox of my life. I couldn't go to the hospital, I couldn't live with myself if people found out I was some messed up druggie..."

"After that we didn't see each other for a month, until I came across her sitting on the bleachers at a football game. I never attend those, usually, but that night I did, and I'm glad I did. One thing led to another and we started to date each other. If Jasper wouldn't have had any sort of human emotion or regret, she would have continued to sell drugs to me, not caring if it was killing me. She also started to rebel against Y.D, and joined college to be with me. The thing was, is, Garnet; I trust her. I love her, and I can't believe you of all people don't acknowledge the fact that people _can_ change. For fuck's sake Garnet, she was the one who raised the funds to pay for your sister's plot and tombstone. I'm pretty sure she took on all the expenses of the funeral as well!"

Garnet was the one who was silent now. All this information was a lot for Lapis in her weakened mental state to take in. She didn't know how she felt about these delves into Jasper's past. It was only making her realize she really hadn't known Jasper at all, and it was a little upsetting to her.

"Jasper and I were able to keep our relationship from Y.D a secret for 3 months before she caught wind of it. She suspected something was off when Jasper stopped turning in drug money to her. That's when Jasper demanded to leave the gang. Y.D, with some plan up her sleeve, actually agreed to let her go on one condition-"

"That she come back when called upon." Lapis said quietly, fidgeting with the cuffs of her hoodie.

"See, she never really left the gang then, did she." Garnet said with a condescending tone in her voice, crossing her arms defensively over her chest.

"She never went back! Why the fuck do you think she was bleeding in that alleyway behind the warehouses, that night Steven called you in as back up? She fucking went there to beat the shit out of Y.D and tell her to stop trying to get her back into the gang! Did you not see the seven gashes split open on her back, or feel the hot blood on your hands when you carried her to your car? What about the stains of blood she probably left on the seat from sitting there _bleeding_ for half an hour while you drove to the mother fucking hospital!" Lapis bellowed, as loud as her meek voice would allow her to. "I don't care about who she was in the past because she has proven to me over and over that she's... a good... person..."

Silence ensued now, the only sound was the faint sobbing coming from Lapis as once again she was crying uncontrollably. She was a blubbering idiot; she assumed if she'd ever face Y.D she'd only be able to cry, well she supposed she could now add Garnet to that list.

"Each and every time Y.D has come to Jasper, threatening her to come back, Jasper has fought back. Now... Now I'm left here delirious with anxiety and worry, because I don't know what happened to her! You said it would be different if she had atoned... well she's been trying to do that _now_ and we need to help her!"

Lapis' voice had cracked after those last few words, and when she tried to speak again, she couldn't produce a sound. Not a word.

"I'm a bloody fool..." Garnet finally said, minutes later, wiping the new trail of tears from her cheeks with the tips of her fingers. "I... legitimately thought you and Steven... I don't know... It was a big misunderstanding... I don't even know why I took her to the hospital.. Lapis, I'm sorry." Garnet stood up and pulled Lapis into a tight embrace. "I'm all for love... I let hate blind me.. and now... I'll see what I can do to see if she's alive..." Garnet let go of Lapis, and left the room, leaving her stunned, and unable to think.

"Do you think... you would want to eat something now?" Peridot asked quietly, gaining what little attention Lapis had left to offer her. She gazed back at Peridot for a few long seconds, before nodding slightly. This caused Peridot to smile hugely. She watched the blonde pick up a bowl from the table and bring it over to her. "It's cold now, but I requested them to bring you soup in case you decided you wanted to eat..."

Lapis gripped Peridot's hands, and offered her a weak smile. She slowly sipped on the soup, having to stop because eating it was causing her physical pain. At least the soup had whetted her throat a little, and loosened up her vocal chords, allowing her to speak again, albeit very quietly.

"Peridot, I just wanted to say a few things to you, if you care to listen. First of all, I'm really sorry things turned out the way they did. I won't tell you _not_ to love Jasper, because even if I did, you can't help who you love. I'm open to friendship though if you want, unless it would be too hard for you... I'm so thankful you were here with me, and that I didn't have to.. that we didn't have to face this alone."

"I don't blame you or hold resentment against you, Lapis. The only one I hate is Y.D. Also, yes, I wouldn't mind being your friend."

The door to their small room opened then, bringing the familiar face of Amethyst and Pearl into the light.

"Lapis!" Pearl cried, running over to her and cupping her face gently in her hands. "You look terrible... You're so pale, and you have black bags under your eyes that are darker than smeared makeup... Your cheeks are sunken in a little... have you been eating!?"

Lapis was happy to see Pearl, wrapping her arms around her and giving her a hug.

"Ugh, Lapis you stink... Have you not showered either? Was Garnet keeping you _prisoner?"_

"P, no. We don't have prisoners here. They were just... guests that weren't allowed to leave." Amethyst said.

"That's a prisoner! Come on Lapis, I'm taking you to have a bath, this is ridiculous."

Lapis didn't bother objecting, she was far to tired to try and put up a struggle. She was a little amazed at Pearl's strength; she had judged her to be a lot weaker than she really was. Pearl carried her carefully down a long hallway, into a room with a simple tub. She was sat down on top of a chair, and watched as Pearl turned the warm water on, and prepared a bath for her. Pearl carefully unzipped her hoodie, tossing it to the side; she cooperated the best she could, not feeling embarrassed in the slightest that Pearl was undressing her.

After Pearl had scrubbed her down gently, the thinner woman sat on the toilet with the lid shut, and held her chin in her hands. Lapis relaxed into the water, closing her eyes and letting the sweet scent of the bathwater fill her nose and calm her tortured soul. She was falling asleep, and as she did, she was left wondering why Pearl and Amethyst were there in the first place.

 **Author's Note: I tried really hard to make the history make sense. If you want a timeline or something I can put one up on tumblr, or type one up on my profile or something. I honestly reread this chapter about 10 times, so I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense to you guys?**

 **The drug CYD- Is a drug completely made up for the sake of this story.**


	16. Chapter 16

Jasper was only completely sure of two things. The first, was her head and stomach were throbbing with pain. As blood pumped through her body it caused the wounded areas to sting. The second thing she knew, was Lapis had been taken away, and she didn't know by who, or why.

It was cold and dark, and she found that her body felt heavy; like she had lost the strength to lift herself up. She attempted to move her arms, but they were bound tightly behind her; making her immobile. There didn't seem to be anyone around, but how could she really tell when she couldn't even see her own body in front of her?

She groaned and leaned her head back, realizing she was tied to some kind of thick wooden pole. This was just perfect. Lapis was out there, _God knows where,_ and here she was, bound up like an idiot waiting to be summoned for execution. She wondered how long she had been there; the passage of time was lost to her, especially after having been unconscious.

She started to recall the fight with Y.D. She had been completely spent, all her energy was used fighting Almandine; who had ended up being a lot faster than she had remembered. Either that, or she herself had slowed way down, which was also a possibility. She'd really wanted to slug Y.D in the face, but the bitch was even faster than Almandine, taking advantage of her weakened state to bring her down to her knees. She really should have expected Y.D to pull a knife on her; the Gang Leader wasn't known to fight fair _ever_ , having slain her own superior in cold blood many years ago.

Her ears twitched involuntarily, alerting her to the sudden thudding echoes of footsteps approaching her from her front. A light was shone directly above her, blinding her, and she clenched her eyes shut in an attempt to protect them. When they finally adjusted to the light, she couldn't help but clench her teeth tightly, biting back the urge to scream incoherently.

Y.D was standing in the light, and Jasper immediately noticed the bitch had a new scar under her right eye. She had taken her colored contacts out, and now stared at her with two dark, narrowed coppery-brown eyes. Her Mohawk was down now, like she hadn't bothered taking the time to style it. Y.D sure liked to be flashy; she counted 20 diamonds in both ears before her chin was suddenly forced upwards by the toe of Y.D's filthy combat styled boots.

"I am _not_ very pleased with you right now, JJ. Because of you, I lost a large chunk of my workforce last night." Y.D complained, a slow, demeaning smile started to cross her face as she spoke, and Jasper responded by deepening her glare, resisting to look directly into her eyes. "Not to worry though, I'm sure with your help I could meet my deadlines and then some."

"In your fucking dreams-"

Y.D pulled her boot back and seized Jasper's throat with her hand, digging her sharp nails into Jasper's tanned flesh. She gasped for air as Y.D brought their two faces closer, only a mere inch apart from each other. She could smell the scent of blood about Y.D and choked, unable to fight back when her arms were bound behind her.

"I'm not fucking playing around anymore. You will do as I say, you're not really in a place to deny me anymore, so why don't you just... _submit!"_

"N-Never..." She managed to groan as her head became light, and her attempts at breathing stopped all together. She was feeling asphyxiation taking over, and she embraced the idea of passing out again so she wouldn't have to converse with this cunt anymore. Her distant and dark wish was denied, when Y.D loosened her grip and Jasper was able to inhale large gulps of air as feeling returned to her extremities.

"Tell me something, JJ. Tell me why you truly left. You had money, women, all the booze and drugs you could ever want. You used to love following me to beat some bitches down, and then suddenly, you stopped."

Jasper didn't want to tell her shit, why should she? She didn't owe her anything; no explanation would ever satisfy the persistent anger Y.D was always going to have towards her.

"All those things mean nothing when there's no love in your life." She muttered.

Y.D stared blankly at her before expelling a throaty laugh at her.

"Love? What is love worth when you can have any woman, man; or _anyone_ you could ever want while under my direction and command? Love makes you weak; soft, pliable like clay. Love hasn't helped me at all, and what has love done for you? It got you tied up, beaten; with scars adorning your pretty face. Love gets your guard down, so when the right time comes, people can break you apart to get what they want."

"You're wrong."

Y.D forcefully grabbed Jasper's cheeks, making it so she could no longer get away with not making eye contact with her.

"Am I wrong? Or are you too stubborn to admit I'm right? How about I show you how love is going to be what destroys you. I'm sure that little blue-haired toy of yours will find you eventually, and when she does... I'll get to try out _my_ new toy." Y.D threw Jasper's head back against the pole, before disappearing out of sight.

Jasper's pride couldn't take much more of this abuse. She rolled her head back and forth on her neck, Y.D's hand still like a phantom clutching it tightly. It pissed her off, all these open threats to hurt Lapis, but what could she do about it? The way Y.D had talked, it sounded like _she_ wasn't the one who had taken Lapis away, which, in spite of the circumstances, made her a little relieved. She hardly ever felt afraid, but when talk about hurting Lapis came into play, she'd never felt more terrified in her life.

Y.D came back into the light, blinding Jasper with the blade of a beautiful platinum colored sword. Y.D held it at her side, the diamond inlays near the hilt sparkled beautifully, making Jasper recall the beauty of starlight; only briefly.

"This sword was apparently passed down in my family for generations. How do I know this? I researched the bastards who abandoned me, killed them, and stole it for myself. It was a plain old katana once, but I of course added my own personal flare to it." Y.D spoke with a strange hint of psychotic seduction in her voice, as she held the blade up to her mouth and licked along the edge of the blade, slightly cutting her tongue; drops of blood trickling down it.

"You're insane!" She cried.

"I know."

Jasper could only watch as Y.D slung the sword over her shoulder, and came closer to her again. She had barely enough time to see the crazed look in her captor's eyes before her boot connected with her skull, knocking her out once more.

Xxx

When she came to, she was greeted by the most forlorn looking Almandine she had ever seen. She immediately reached her untied hands out, and wrapped them around the red-heads neck; she was completely engulfed with a feeling of overbearing rage, and it took her an extra minute to realize Almandine wasn't fighting back. She let go, hating herself only a little for acting out before knowing what exactly was going on.

"Just do it." Almandine goaded desperately, grabbing hold of Jasper's hands and placing them back around her neck.

"What!? No! What are you... Where am I?" She pulled her hands back again, and checked her surroundings. As far as she could tell, Almandine and her were locked up together in an old looking dungeon, and it smelled musty, making her eyes water.

"Back in the day, people locked slaves up down here. I'm not sure where exactly we are-"

"What are you doing here?"

"Don't get sassy at me dyke, we're in the same boat now, you and I..."

"You'll _never_ be the same as me..."

Almandine scoffed at her and scooted towards a dark corner of the small space they were in. Jasper saw her fingers twitching precariously, and couldn't look away from the woman who had taunted her for the last year or so. Deep, way deep down, she almost felt a little bad for her.

Jasper groaned, as a shooting pain in her abdomen threatened to make her pass out again. Her stomach rumbled loudly, as she tried to recall when she had last eaten something.

"It was Garnet... She was the one who took Lapis." Almandine mumbled, picking up a small rock and rolling it between her fingers. If Jasper would have been drinking something, she would have spat it out right then.

Garnet had been the one who had helped her behind the warehouses; so why would she prevent Lapis from saving her the second time? She chewed on her finger as she thought about all the possible outcomes of these situations. Garnet wouldn't hurt Lapis, or Peridot... Peridot. She had forgotten about her abused ex, wondering if she was okay, or if Garnet had taken her too.

"Why would Garnet take Lapis?" She asked, eyeing the other woman with much deserved apprehension.

"To keep her from you, why else?" Almandine threw the rock against the wall in front of her. She must have noticed the unamused look on Jasper's face, because she furrowed her brows and frowned. "You don't believe me."

Why would she even consider believing anything Almandine said? How many times has she hurt the people she cared about? How many times would Jasper let her walk away without making sure the red-head couldn't hurt anyone anymore? Her emotions and ideals were in full confliction now, Jasper having the sudden urge to smear Almandine's face against the wall.

"Look, don't believe me if you don't want to, but I know what I saw. I followed Garnet as she drug your girlfriend kicking and screaming away from you. Then I saw Peridot, she actually snuck past me and made it back to you. She's the one who bandaged your wounds. Garnet and her exchanged words, getting into a heated argument about something, and then Garnet just picked little Peri up and took her to the van too." Almandine took a deep breath and slammed her fist on the ground. "Fuck! Why did she take my fucking cigarettes away..."

So that was why Almandine was so fidgety. Jasper was smart enough to know that she wasn't lying, and hearing about what had happened from her point of view, only fueled her desire to kick her ass. She ran her hand through her hair, and gripped the back of her skull, her fingertips acting to release pressure that had built up and was causing her to have a headache.

"Why..." Jasper asked through clenched teeth, "would you tell me all this stuff."

Almandine opened her mouth to speak; but no sound came out. Jasper watched her eyes widen, and her expression changed to one full of fear. She followed her gaze, seeing Y.D standing on the other side of the iron bars.

"I see you two haven't killed each other yet. Now that's surprising. Almandine, don't look at me like that, you did this to yourself you know." Y.D held out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter in her hand, the red-head looking at them with a desperate need. "This is your last pack." She threw them at Almandine's feet, who snatched them up and stuffed them in her shirt.

"Another day has passed, and I'm closer than ever to finding out where Garnet is keeping our little friend Lapis. Why don't you help a friend out, and just run some jobs for me, like old times?"

"Would you just fuck off?"

Y.D's eyebrow twitched, but the smile never left her face. She shrugged casually, before walking away. Almandine exhaled a deep breath, before lighting up one of her cigarettes. Jasper groaned, leaning her head back against the wall.

Three more days passed, and Y.D returned each day with a meager portion of food her and Almandine shared. Each day Jasper denied the Gang Leader's request to run jobs; and each day the woman became angrier and angrier, this last time she took this anger out on Almandine, bringing in two large cohorts to hold her down, so Y.D could beat on her. Jasper couldn't understand why Y.D would do this to someone who had been truly loyal to her, who had done everything she had asked. She couldn't help but wonder if this was the reason Almandine had been so quick to ask her to end her life.

For the first time ever, Jasper saw tears leave Almandine's eyes, as Y.D left; the red-heads face bruised, her lip cracked and bleeding, and her arms covered with cuts from Y.D's knife. Almandine had stayed cowered in the corner after Y.D had left, Jasper unable to even attempt to stop the brutality from occurring. She crawled over to the hunched over human being, and lightly touched her back, her rival immediately pulling her body away from her and staring at her through her fingers.

No words were spoken, and Jasper sat there, just watching her. After what felt like forever, and the fact her back was really starting to hurt, she moved to leave; when Almandine reached out her hand and grabbed onto Jasper's, at first just holding it, before putting her cheek onto and just sobbing in agony. She couldn't help but think about what an awful life Almandine truly must have experienced, and she could see the broken woman lying beneath the tough, bitchy shell she tried so hard to hide behind. She still stuck by her notion, that _no one deserved to be treated like this._

 **LAPIS**

Lapis sat next to Peridot and Amethyst in what she soon found out was Garnet's own dining room. Peridot and her had actually been locked up in the basement, but were now free to roam. Pearl was cooking something in the kitchen, and it smelled absolutely delicious, and made her mouth water. Peridot didn't say much, she always seemed to be in such deep thought about something.

"Alright now Lapis, I expect you to finish your bowl, there's no excuse; this soup I made is so delicious." Pearl sang, placing a warm steaming bowl in front of her. She took the spoon from her friend, and stirred the creamy liquid around, before taking a small sip of it.

"What kind of soup is this?" She asked politely, her taste buds were delighted at the mixture of flavors she was experiencing.

"It's creamy potato soup, with chicken- _Amethyst slow down, you're going to burn your tongue!"_ Pearl exclaimed suddenly, reaching to grab the bowl of soup from in front of Amethyst.

"Hey, lay off! I'm hungry!"

Amethyst raised her arms high in the air with the bowl of soup in them, colliding with Pearl's hands, causing the bowl to tip and spill onto the thinner woman's blouse. She bit back a scream, Amethyst's face immediately dropping into a concerned grimace.

"Oh my Gosh, Pearl, are you okay?" The small woman screeched, jumping up and following Pearl back into the kitchen. Lapis could hear them arguing, but she didn't think Pearl was horribly angry, probably more upset that the hot soup had scorched her more than anything.

"Peri..." Lapis whispered, "I don't understand why they're here. Did Garnet ask them to come to make me feel more comfortable?"

Peridot set her spoon down, and folded her hands under her chin.

"Do you want to know what I think? I think Amethyst is a part of this gang, and I think Pearl is just here because they're dating."

"Dating? How can you tell?"

"I can see them making out in the kitchen.."

Lapis slid her chair over so her and Peridot's hips were touching, so she could see into the kitchen. Sure enough, Amethyst and Pearl were lip locked; Lapis' cheeks becoming flushed at the sight. She couldn't help but feel happy for them, she knew how much Amethyst had wanted to be with Pearl. At the same time, their display of affection saddened her, reminding her that her own girlfriend was not there.

"Hey!" She shouted, and the two girls jumped apart from each other. Pearl covered her face and ran away, leaving Amethyst standing there dumbfounded and embarrassed. Lapis snickered to herself, before allowing herself to indulge in her friends delicious cooking.

Amethyst came back to the table and sat down, tapping her fingers against the wooden tabletop.

"So, you and Pearl?" Lapis asked bluntly.

"Yep, it's official! But she wants to keep it on the down low, but so do I. I don't want our crazy ass school harassing her, she's pretty... terrified honestly. But when we hang out, oh man, it's the best feeling in the world..." Amethyst was lost in her thoughts, withdrawing her hands from the table and placing them in her lap.

"Why are you here, Amethyst?" Lapis asked, placing her spoon on the table. She had barely eaten anything, suddenly feeling sick to her stomach.

"I... I help Garnet. I guess you could say I'm... kinda a part of the Crystal Gang..."

"What?"

"She wanted me keeping tabs on Jasper, okay? But don't get the wrong idea! Jasper is my best friend, and I don't want anything bad to happen to her... I don't agree with Garnet when it comes to leaving Jasper behind, I just couldn't convince her that Jasper had changed..."

Lapis could hear the fret in Amethyst's voice. Although she may not have meant any harm, she couldn't help but feel a little hurt; Jasper's own friend was spying on her, reporting back to Garnet... What else was Amethyst keeping from them?

"Honestly, like, if it wouldn't have been for you, Lapis, Jasper would have ventured back to her old ways. No offense but, after Peridot pulled that stunt... I was so sure she was going to kill herself; or worse, go back to the criminal life. Then you... you _saved_ her, Lapis. You showed her that love still was possible, even if it felt like love was lost. Life... may be hard on us sometimes, but the one thing I really believe in... love, it always prevails. Yes, you may think this is absolutely cheesy but... Ah shit, don't cry! I'm sorry!"

Lapis couldn't help it. All she ever felt like doing was crying. Peridot, wonderful, sweet and compassionate Peridot, put her arm around her and comforted her.

"I don't... I don't know why you all are so- so nice to me... I just don't..." She bawled, unable to get the right words out.

"Amethyst is right you know. Stop beating yourself up and demeaning yourself, you're a really nice person. You have to be strong now you-" Peridot was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.

Garnet walked in, seemingly surprised at the three of them sitting at the table. Lapis sat up straight in her chair, and quickly wiped away her tears with her shirt. She felt a firm hand on her shoulder, and looked up at the dark woman behind her.

"I'm sorry, Lapis. I can't seem to figure out where Jasper is. She's not in any of the hospitals, or any of the Diamond Gang's known hideouts. I'll try again tomorrow." Garnet said softly, and Lapis took this new information with a grain of salt, calmly standing up and heading to the room that was newly assigned to her.

She sat at the desk, and stared at her hands, unable to stop them from shaking. It didn't matter to her that she actually had a bedroom and livable human freedoms now, as far as she was concerned; she was a prisoner, and they weren't going to let her go. They weren't going to find Jasper, let alone save her; that was if she was even still alive. She was beyond the stage of begging for her freedom now. She couldn't bring herself to trust Garnet, and she found the little resolve she had left starting to waver.

Xxx

She closed the notebook she had written in; a compilation of jumbled jargon that displayed her emotions perfectly, and let her release her frustrations and anxieties in a healthy way. She had stopped once, faltering from the intense overwhelming amount of depression, to throw herself onto the bed and scream into the pillow. No one had bothered her, and she preferred it that way, finally able to have some time to brood to herself.

If this situation ever resolved, the first thing she was going to be sure to do, would be to schedule an appointment with Rose; oh how she missed conversing with the good-natured woman. She always listened to her, and she always had that warm aura around her, helping her cope with her everyday struggles and crises.

She moved to the closet, opening it to reveal that it was stocked full of clothes. They were her size. Why did she find that creepy and unnerving? She thumbed through the collection, and found an outfit that made her heart jump a little. A plain black tank top, with black skinny jeans... She almost felt a little disturbed by herself for putting these clothes on. She found a studded belt and stuck it through her jean loops, buckling it and sighing. The only thing missing now were those converse shoes that woman always wore... Oh what the hell, there were a pair on the floor right in front of her...

She checked the clock, and saw it was 11pm. She cracked her door open, and nearly squealed in terror, because Peridot was standing right there. The blonde girl covered her mouth and pushed her back into her room, shutting the door quietly.

"P-Peridot, what are you doing?" She said, her voice muffled through the others hand.

"Lapis." Peridot said very quietly, almost too soft for her to hear. She moved back to the door and pressed her ear against it like she was trying to listen to activity in the hallway. After she was satisfied she had heard nothing, she turned around and studied her. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing, I was just going to go for a walk..."

"I'll come with you. There's something weird going on, and I want to know what it is." Peridot grabbed a sweatshirt from the closet and put it on, Lapis doing the same. They carefully snuck out of Lapis' room, and meandered down the hallway.

"What do you mean something weird is going on?" Lapis whispered, her hip nudging into Peridot's as they quietly trekked along.

"I don't know, all I do know is when people talk around me in hushed voices, I get paranoid. When I inquired about their conversation, they stopped talking. I'm so quiet, and invisible sometimes, I think people forget I'm there. It's just suspicious... Hey, stop... shh..." Peridot stopped walking suddenly, holding her arm out to prevent Lapis from continuing. Lapis remained quiet and listened, hearing Garnet and Amethyst conversing in the room before them.

"Why did you lie to her Garnet? It's so unfair how you're handling this situation. If you don't help Jasper, you're going to break Lapis' heart. You promised her, G!" Amethyst sounded exasperated, and what did she mean when she said Garnet had lied?

"She's being held in that old mansion in the Diamond District. All that matters right now, is she's alive. I can't just risk my peoples lives for one woman, what kind of leader would I be then? Besides, most of my crew is out on a different mission, busting a gambling ring on the other end of town... I don't have the manpower I would need!" Garnet argued back.

"A good one." Amethyst snapped back.

Before Lapis had time to process, Peridot grabbed her hand and they bolted towards the front door. She heard a glass shatter, and furniture knocked over, as Garnet and Amethyst were probably coming for them. Peridot shoved her hand into her pocket and pulled out a lockpick; quickly picking the lock that kept them from leaving the house. They bolted out of the door and ran as fast as they could, Lapis refusing to look back and see if they were being followed.

"Peri! What are we doing?" She huffed, hardly having the breath to spare for the quick question.

"We're going to save Jasper! I know exactly where she is now." Peridot looked over her shoulder and slowed her pace. "They're not following us..."

"You... You really think the two of us can do something to save Jasper? What about Almandine, or Y.D?" Lapis asked, trying to catch her breath.

"We just have to play it smart. Come on, we don't have the time to waste, who knows what kind of condition she's in..."

Lapis took a deep breath of crisp October night air, and for once, she finally had a small semblance of hope to cling to, and for that, she was grateful.

 **JASPER**

"I told you Jasper, that I will get what I want. I've been so nice, so considerate, and now I'm done playing games with you. If you won't work for me, if I can't have your sworn loyalty once more, then you will suffer for your insolence."

"Don't think I'm just going to sit here and take it." Jasper hissed as Y.D and two of her surly cohorts entered the cell her and Almandine had been kept in. Almandine jumped up, and Jasper, already standing, blocked a punch from her with her forearm.

"Oh, Almandine, you're actually doing something without being told to. Maybe there's hope for you yet! Wait, wait..." Y.D laughed, holding back the two men that had come in with her.

Almandine threw Jasper against the wall, pinning her arms above her head. It was then Jasper came to the full realization that she was too weak to fight. She met Almandine's gaze, and for once, she didn't see that burning hatred she had come to expect form this woman in her eyes.

"Hold her tight, Almandine." Y.D stated, drawing closer to them.

"Get ready for the fight of your life." Almandine whispered. When Y.D appeared directly behind the red-head, Almandine let go of Jasper and slammed her hand into the Gang Leader's face, digging her sharp nails into her flesh, making the unsuspecting woman holler out in pain. Jasper ducked under the punches the men had thrown at her, hearing their fists connect with the brick wall and crack under the pressure.

"You bitch!" The one yelled, holding his broken hand close to his chest, cradling it.

"You..." Y.D recomposed herself, sliding her knuckles on over her hand and gripping Almandine by her neck. Jasper had a moment of hesitation; a fleeting second where she wanted to see Almandine's face bloodied and bruised; but she found herself grabbing onto Y.D's arm and sinking her teeth down into it as hard as she could. Almandine regained her balance, and rammed her shoulder into the vicious woman, pushing her against the wall. Y.D dropped to the ground, temporarily knocked unconscious. Jasper and Almandine made a break for the stairs, searching for a way to their freedom.

"Why are you doing this!?" Jasper yelled as they found a door that led outside. Almandine was silent, not responding to her as they fled. Jasper reached the steel fence circling the property, and stopped to catch her breath.

"Jasper!?"

She would recognize those voices anywhere. She peered out of the fence to see two black figures running towards the fence. A low humming sound reverberated in her ear drums, making her stick her finger into her ears to try and clear the noise from them. Lapis dropped her hood and reached out to grab the fence.

"STOP!" Almandine shrieked, and Lapis froze, hands hovering over the bars. "You fucking idiots! The fence is electrified, if you touch it, you'll be toast! I can't believe you fucking assholes came here... Do you have any idea how _stupid_ you are?"

"Hey, fuck you Almandine!" Lapis screamed. "I bet this fence isn't even-"

"Lapis, listen to her! She's right." Jasper cut in, and Lapis fell silent.

"Jasper let's get out of here!" Peridot said, dropping her hood and standing directly next to Lapis. For a moment, Jasper was relieved to see they were both okay.

"I don't know how I'm going to get over this fence..." Jasper admitted, turning to look back towards the house seeing no one had come for them yet.

"Here's the energy box." Peridot pointed out, walking along the fence to show them a small silver box jutting out from the ground. "Open it up and flip the damn switch!"

Jasper flipped open the box and saw a few different switches, and she picked one and flipped it. The humming noise she had heard stopped. She took a deep breath and touched the fence, pleasantly happy that she wasn't electrocuted. She ran back towards the gate and saw it was padlocked.

"Yo, I'll give you a lift, come on!" Almandine slid her hands together so they interlocked, and Jasper stepped onto them; Almandine lifting her high enough so she could hop over the top and land on the other side. Almandine gripped the bars and pulled herself over. She had strength, Jasper gave her that much.

"Jasper... What's going on?" Lapis and Peridot said at the same time.

Jasper couldn't respond, because she froze when she heard Y.D's voice echo behind her.

"Almandine you traitor! I always knew you were weak, you've always been a pain in my ass! I should have killed you when I had the chance, when you were a helpless little baby!" The Gang Leader screeched.

"Go you dumbasses! Get out of here!" Almandine's shouting snapped Jasper out of her frozen state, causing her to turn and face the woman who helped her escape.

"C-Come with us!" Jasper said, holding her hand out towards her. Almandine stared at her, shocked. Jasper swore she saw tears building up in her eyes.

Almandine reached her hand towards Jasper, but quickly brought it back down by her side. Jasper felt her heart drop a little in her chest, she had been so sure that Almandine was really showing signs of remorse. The dark-skinned, red-headed woman shoved Jasper so hard, it sent her to the ground. Lapis and Peridot screamed, but they weren't looking at Jasper. Jasper sat up in time to see Almandine fall to her knees, an indescribable terror upon her face; she fell flat on her stomach, with Y.D's knife embedded in her back. Jasper took a moment to understand that Almandine had shoved her out of the way, to _protect her. Why?_

Her emotions were all over the place. She was panicking, she didn't know what to do, _nothing made sense to her anymore._ Someone who had tortured her and her loved ones for so fucking long, had shoved her out of the way of a fucking knife, why would she do that? She looked to Lapis, who was shaking; she looked to Peridot, who was frozen in fear. Y.D was unlocking the gate, and she didn't have the time to waste thinking about these things anymore. She rose to her feet, and ran to the red-head, ignoring the insults and slurs being thrown at her by the Gang Leader as she fumbled with the keys. She picked Almandine up, ignoring the blood that started to soak her clothes, and called to Peridot and Lapis to follow her.

She had never ran so fast in her life.

"Jasper..." Almandine moaned, her face becoming ashen and pale. "Jasper, just put me down... It's too late and I... I'm not worth saving. I need to tell you something..."

Jasper nodded, heading for cover among some trees in a nearby park, setting Almandine up against a large boulder. She waited, studying the way they had come, and when she was sure Y.D hadn't followed them, she allowed herself to just _breathe._ She knelt down next to Almandine, looking over this woman with eyes unclouded by her preset judgments.

"I know, it's really terrible to say this shit now but... I'm sorry. Truth is, I respect you, and your ideals. You always fight fair, even through Y.D fucked with you twice now, you still tried to fight her with some fucked up sense of honor; and I admire that..." Almandine sputtered while she spoke, coughing up blood that dripped out of the corner of her mouth. "Keep that girlfriend of yours safe, and make sure you tell her I'm sorry..."

"I can hear you, bitch..." Lapis griped, causing Jasper to flinch a little. Almandine chuckled, more blood pushing out of her mouth.

"Almandine, why did you help me..."

Again Almandine was silent, and Jasper thought maybe she was gone. It wasn't the case though, she could still see the red-head's chest moving up and down as she breathed.

"Because I... I heard what you said about... love to Y.D, and I realized... My whole life has been devoid of that emotion, giving blindly to someone who kidnapped me as a child, and I... I started to think that maybe... I'd be around long enough to try and atone for my... actions... The thought of discovering what love was really about..." Almandine sighed deeply, and without hesitation, Jasper grabbed her hand and held it tightly, comforting the dying woman in her last moments.

"Thank-you, for protecting me, Almandine."

Jasper watched as the life left Almandine's eyes, and the grip on her hand went limp. The woman had a small smile upon her lips in her dying moments, and this hit Jasper hard. She didn't realize she was crying, until she felt Lapis wiping at her tears, and embracing her so tightly... Then Peridot wrapped her arms around her from behind, and she really broke down, burying her face against the small blue-haired woman's shoulder.

Minutes passed, until she finally pulled herself back a little, so she could gaze at Lapis' face, noting the dark bags under her eyes, and the thinning of her cheeks. In return, Lapis was dragging her fingers against the scar down her forehead, and across her right eye.

"You look terrible." They both said at the same time.

"Are you okay, Lapis?" Jasper asked first.

"I am now, what about you, did they hurt you?"

"It doesn't matter now that I know you are okay. That you're both okay." Jasper reached over and closed Almandine's eyes, and stood up, pulling Lapis up with her, giving one more look towards the red-headed woman, before steering the two women away, holding both of them tightly against her. She only hoped Almandine had finally found peace, wherever she was.

Xxx

On the walk home, Lapis had begun telling her all about how Garnet had grabbed her and Peridot, and had kept them prisoner for seven days before they had decided to flee to find her. Peridot was the one who mentioned Lapis' trauma, how she had refused to eat, drink, speak; and now Jasper had clarity as to why Lapis was so thin in her face... She felt sick, causing so much harm; Lapis could have died. They both could have...

Then Lapis stopped to rest on a bench, and Peridot went off to find somewhere to pee. Jasper sat next to her, determined to hold her; the lack of physical loving touch, threatening to consume her.

"Garnet she... told me a lot about your past." Lapis said, stiffening under the touch of Jasper's arm. _Of course she did._ Yet, Lapis still came for her, so maybe she wasn't too worried about it...?

"Oh."

"I just want you to know, that I... I don't care about what happened in the past, as long as the present and future is spent loving each other and..." Lapis got up on her knees and grabbed Jasper's shoulders, pulling her down into a long anticipated kiss. She had nearly forgotten what it was like to have skin so soft pressed against her thick lips...

Jasper pulled Lapis into her lap and deepened their embrace, needing to just _feel_ the smoothness of the girls skin on her fingertips, igniting passion and longing into her core as she remembered what she had nearly lost; the thought threatening to break her composure again. She slid her hand under Lapis' clothes, only to caress the small of her back.

"I love you so much, Lapis, I'm so sorry for doing this..." Jasper said in between passionate kisses, becoming a little more aggressive with each touch.

"Mmmph... I love you too Jasper..." She responded, returning those kisses to her.

"Ahem." Peridot cleared her throat, and Jasper pulled away from Lapis' kisses; wiping the spit from her lips, and looking towards the lonely looking girl.

"Get over here, it's cuddle time." She said, lifting up her arm, and Peridot took the opportunity to snuggle against her side, holding her arm close against her body.

They stayed like that a few minutes before Lapis admitted she was paranoid about being caught out here in the middle of the night, especially since they left Almandine's body back at the park. They arrived home, and Jasper collapsed into the bed, so happy to finally be home.

Lapis, to Jasper's surprise, pulled Peridot into the bed with them; and at that point, she didn't care. She stretched her arm across both of them, welcoming the sweet embrace of sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**This Chapter is to show Almandine's portrayal of events from her side, and may feel like a recap. I skip between several of the events Almandine has been a part of, any questions of things I may not have explained and you want to know, feel free to message me and I will always be willing to answer.**

 **This Chapter is a little NSFW**

 **Normal Story Progression will resume after this chapter.**

 **ALMANDINE**

"Jasper broke up with Peridot today. She seems... self-destructive. What if she kills herself? Then you'll never get her back. I honestly don't see how breaking them up is going to get her to join the gang?"

"Sh, Almandine. getting Cuprite and Peridot together was a great idea. Jasper is too prideful to take her own life, I think this path of destruction will successfully bring her right back to me. What else would she do, you know as well as I do she is only in school because of Peridot. There's no way she'd stay to get an actual degree." Y.D said, as she clasped her hands together tightly, before shifting her weight onto her other foot.

"I dunno. I snapped this picture of her kissing this girl, Lapis." Almandine replied, handing Y.D her phone. She watched her superior take the electronic device forcefully from her hands, and stare at the picture. Y.D clenched her teeth and handed her phone back to her.

"Do something about this, Almandine. Post the picture on campus, where lots of people are going to see it. Destroy this faint glimmer of hope, and I'll be so proud of you."

Almandine nodded, and walked away from Y.D, heading down a set of creaky wooden stairs in the mansion that had been her home for a few years now. Several other members of the gang lived in the house with her, but they left her alone, knowing Y.D would hurt them if they tried to mess with her. She pushed open the door to her room and froze upon coming into view of her roommate, Jade, who was standing completely naked in front of her. She shut the door behind her quickly and looked away. This was a common thing to walk into, for Jade liked to be comfortable, and being naked was the only way she liked to achieve that feeling. Apparently.

Almandine kicked her boots off and slipped out of her clothes; minus her panties and a t-shirt, and fell onto her bed. She got comfortable in her blankets before turning to look at Jade, who was still standing in the same spot, looking at her. Why was she staring at her?

Jade was silent, she never spoke much, and Almandine didn't know a whole lot about her. Her eyes studied Jade's face, starting with the warm brown of her skin, seemingly darkened with even, umber tones. Her skin was sprinkled with freckles, her lips plush and large. Almandine's eyes trailed downwards, studying a long snaking tattoo on her right arm, that opened up onto her back into a wide serpent's maw. Jade's breasts were small and perky, with rounded tawny colored nipples.

"You gape like an animal." Jade said simply, pulling the blanket off her bed and wrapping herself up in it.

"How can I not when you're standing there, right in front of me? You would stare too." She retorted, turning towards the wall away from Jade's hazel-green gaze. She received no reply; not that she really expected one.

The truth was, Almandine was horrible attracted to Jade, for reasons she didn't want to admit. She didn't consider herself a lesbian, and she would never admit it to anyone, especially since everyone knew her as the anti-homo Queen. A day didn't go by when she didn't harass someone because they were known to be gay, or to her they looked the stereotype. She had to put up this front, she couldn't come off as weak, otherwise Y.D would never see she could do her job well. She closed her eyes, and let sleep settle over her.

xxx

Almandine cracked her knuckles and chased the fleeing blue-haired girl she had recently pummeled into the ground. She didn't know what it was, but the mere sight of her made her anxious, and made her want to beat her pretty face in. Before she knew it, she had a thick bicep around her neck, Jasper's, and she fell down to her knees, gasping for air and clawing at the other woman's arm. Jasper was a lot stronger than her. Her vision blackened, her eyes started to see green and blue dots in front of her; was she going to die?

"That's enough Jasper, she can't breathe!" Amethyst yelled, and Almandine felt her nails pierce the skin of the other woman's arm, drawing blood and wetting her fingertips. Jasper released her and she fell down onto the palms of her hands, barely able to watch as the larger woman ran off after the blue-haired girl.

She picked herself up and growled at Amethyst, who stuck her tongue out at her and trotted off in the other direction. She stumbled towards the utility hall, where the stairs led up to the roof. She reached the door and peered through the small window, tempted to bust through the door and push Lapis off the roof herself. She watched as Lapis came off the ledge and kissed Jasper, and she looked away, running off down the stairs and back into the hallway. She ended up outside, and lit up another cigarette, leaning her back against the brick wall and groaning to herself.

She didn't understand what she had seen. Why didn't Lapis hate Jasper for coming onto her so roughly, for hurting her; why did they keep crossing paths in the way they did? It was so fucking frustrating to her, because at this rate, she wasn't going to complete her mission; she wasn't going to be impressing Y.D anytime soon either.

"Smoking is so bad for you."

Almandine flicked her cigarette and turned her gaze towards the slender woman in front of her. Jade. Standing next to her was Almandine's most recent sexual adventure, Jason. They were both here now, grinning at her.

"What's up." She coughed, sucking in another drag of her cigarette.

"You look tense." Jade responded, pushing Jason away. He took the hint and walked off, heading towards the library. Almandine couldn't say she wasn't glad to see him go, they hadn't talked since the night they had sex, about a month ago. He had no problem telling everyone about it either. She continued to smoke, eyeing the woman in front of her, who was wearing a very tight, formfitting tank top, and she couldn't help but notice her nipples poking through the thin fabric. Her pants hung loosely on her hips, and she fiddled with her nose ring while she spoke.

"Are you following me?" Almandine asked, tossing her cigarette away and shoving her hands into her pockets. It wouldn't be unlike Y.D to send someone to watch her. She was very particular about her jobs getting done, and being done properly. Jade quietly watched her, before shoving her hands in her own pockets and turning to leave. The shorter woman left Almandine flustered and confused; dreading what awaited her back home.

xxx

"I hate to do this to you, Almandine. You need to learn a lesson. _I own you_." Y.D intentionally avoided Almandine's ribs, and instead hit her square in her stomach so hard, she hurled up a clump of mucus onto her shoes. This made Y.D hit her again, this time right in the middle of her cheek. She bit back the tears, taking her punishment without throwing aside whatever pride she managed to keep.

Shortly Y.D grew weary, as one of her mutuals entered, drawing away her attention. Almandine took this opportunity to stagger towards her bedroom, collapsing against the door. She couldn't explain in her own mind about how mentally draining it was to pretend she didn't hurt, to not show weakness in front of her superior. Y.D hated weakness, it was pounded into her brain every fucking day. The only difference today was she actually used brute force, something Almandine had never had to experience before.

The door opened and Almandine fell against Jade, who was surprised to see her there, but caught her despite that fact. Her legs felt like jelly, from Y.D's boots digging into the muscles of her thighs. She sighed, letting her weight fall into her roommate, who drug her over to her bed and helped her sit onto it. Jade sat in her own bed and flipped open her laptop, seemingly unaffected by Almandine's battered state. Did she really expect her to be compassionate towards her? Members of the Diamond Gang weren't exactly known to be tender loving souls...

"Your face is going to get premature wrinkles if you continue to scowl like that."

Almandine had had enough.

"Why the fuck do you think I would care about that, Jade? Have you seen my face? I think I have other, more important things to worry about, other than my face becoming wrinkled; I'm Y.D's right hand, I have very important tasks to handle. You wouldn't understand, you're just a runt with no real experience...! All you do is run drugs for M!" Almandine roared, jumping up and gripping the dresser that stood in between their beds, steadying herself from falling from her sudden, exaggerated movements.

Jade slammed her laptop shut and stood up to face Almandine, even though she was a few inches shorter than the red-head, her gaze and steel-hardened features were very intimidating. Almandine had seen Jade fight, she was very fast, and very precise, and Almandine's thoughts jumped, unable to focus while she studied her plush lips, only a few inches away from her.

"Don't look at me like that." Jade hissed, revealing sharp, gray-white teeth behind those lips.

"What?" Almandine asked, taken a back.

"You're a fucking hypocrite, Almandine. I can see the lust in your eyes, every time you look at me, your pupils widen, and your shoulders become slack. Your face softens just enough, and it sickens me. Every time I hear you harassing others over their sexual preference it makes me want to puke, because I've seen you at your worst, and I know you don't mean most of what you say. I hate that I can see how you're blatantly attracted to me, yet everyday you beat up some poor fool for being anything other than heterosexual."

Jade's words were like venom, and it made her feel worse than shit. She was right of course, and her calling her out like this, if it were anyone else she probably would deck them until they screamed; until they begged her to stop. She was so insecure about herself, and put up a front for Y.D; but this girl, she saw right through her facade, right through the walls she tried to put up to protect herself. She reached her hand out to attempt to touch Jade's face, but withdrew it at the sight of the cold, hateful glare she was receiving.

"I'm... sorry."

xxx

Almandine felt sick to her stomach. She had been keeping tabs on Lapis and Jasper, and learned they would be going to the tattoo parlor. Y.D had ordered her to hurt Peridot, as a sort of peace offering to get Jasper to come back. When Almandine insisted she could do the job just as well as Jasper could, Y.D only laughed at her, shooing her out of her presence. She didn't want to hurt Peridot. She didn't see how hurting her was going to make Jasper join, when it was so obvious Jasper wanted _nothing_ to do with them. Peridot wasn't even able to protect herself but... She had to do her job.

She caught Peridot at her dorm, taking a deep breath, and clearing her mind before gripping the girl's neck and shoving her against the wall in her room. Her screaming was only faint echoes falling into an emptiness she had created, where she instead dove into the feelings of how much she hated herself.

Each punch started to reflect her mother's face, and she only became angrier, until she heard the crunch of plastic breaking looking down to see she had broken Peridot's glasses. She kept telling herself she didn't have a choice, that she had to protect herself; because Y.D would be watching. When she looked down at Peridot's pleading eyes, she felt disgusted, even more than before. She turned around and hurled into the small trashcan next to her. What a weak piece of shit she was. She wondered if Jasper had ever felt this way...?

The whole operation had been a bust. Jasper had kicked her ass, but she really hadn't tried too hard to fight back. She was starting to feel like she deserved to be punished. Whether it be by God, or any humans she had done wrong. She passed by a run down gas station, and stole a bottle of whatever she could get her hands on; and started taking large gulps of it. She realized it was whiskey, and it burned terribly against the soft flesh of her esophagus.

She trudged down to the river, and sat in the sand of the bank, chugging her drink and leaning back on her elbows. Police sirens could be heard in the distance; her mother probably busting some poor fool for something stupid. Maybe it was her own robbery that gained her attention, the only way she could even get her Mom to acknowledge her pitiful existence.

"I knew I'd find you here."

Almandine choked as the whiskey attempted to slide down her wind pipe. Jade had found her here, of all places? She patted her pocket looking for her cigarettes, and realized they weren't with her. Jade sighed next to her, and pulled a brand new pack from her cargo pocket, and lit one up for her before handing it to her.

"Jade, why did you join the Diamond Gang?" Almandine asked, completely serious.

"Because Y.D gave me a home off the street, after she saw me outwit two of her rival drug dealers into giving me all their stash. I then proceeded to sell it to her for money enough to get me in the safe house, because I was sick of living under benches and in dirty alleyways."

Almandine just gaped at her. It was the most Jade had ever said to her, and she quickly took another drink to avoid the awkward silence that followed. She rolled the bottle between her hands and sighed.

"Did you know that she kidnapped me when I was a child?"

"Who doesn't know that?"

"Heh, I suppose it's the oldest story ever told in our Gang."

"What I don't get, is why you joined her later on in your life."

"Why? I don't even know why, to be honest. I guess I just felt out of place, and had this weird obsession with trying to find the bitch who would kidnap a kid to get what they want. My mother never talked to me about it, she refused to acknowledge me, once she determined I had been corrupted and become too arrogant for her liking." Another gulp of liquid passed down her throat; she was really starting to feel drunk, her hands slipping down the neck of the bottle. "When I did find her, I tried to kill her. She like my guts I guess. Instead, she offered me a place in her ranks. Said she needed someone like me, someone who could get the job done. I'm just her dog, nothing more than a piece of meat to her. She expects me to be just like Jasper, but I apparently can't live up to those expectations."

"Well that's just stupid. You should only try to be yourself, Almandine, nothing more." Jade picked up a handful of sand and let it sift through her fingers, until only a small smooth rock was left.

"I haven't been myself in so long... I'm not sure I can remember how."

Silence. The sun was peaking through the tops of the trees now, sending fractured light dappling across their faces and warming them. Almandine held her hand out and caught the light, unable to keep herself from giggling foolishly at it.

Jade ran her fingers through the tuft of curly hair she had, and continued to stare out at the rippling of the water in the river, lapping playfully at the shore. Almandine found herself gazing at the dark skinned woman again, wondering what she could be thinking about. She started thinking to herself; what would it be like if she were to touch Jade, only to feel that soft skin beneath her fingertips, or to have those thick lips pressed against hers in a wet kiss...

"You're giving me that look again." Jade said, leaning back on her own elbows, letting her vest fall open to reveal those small perky breasts of hers.

"Why do you dress like that?" She blurted, her face flushing easily as she couldn't pry herself away from looking at the freckled skin bared before her.

"Because I can. Why should I be restricted by social norms saying breasts should be covered and sexualized? If you find it offensive, that's your own damn fault. Breasts are just fleshy sacks of fat-"

Almandine lost track of Jade's banter, only thinking about how she wanted to squeeze and tease those nipples, make them hard and-

"Ugh, you're so gross." Jade buttoned one of her buttons, so the fabric covered her nipples; but this only made Almandine stare at her soft looking tummy, smooth and unmarked by and kind of scar or tattoo or... Gross? Oh no...

"I'm sorry Jade. Sorry, so sorry... sorry..." She looked away and huffed into her hand, as she realized how creepy and rude she was being.

Jade laughed. She laughed at her expense, and stood up, holding her hand out to help her stand up. Almandine drank more, but dropped the bottle, shattering what was left, watching it spill out onto the pebbles around their feet.

Jade helped her home, and reported to Y.D on her behalf. She had wanted to talk to her some more before she fell asleep, but she found that once she had laid down, it was very hard to keep her eyes open.

She woke up and Jade was lying next to her in her bed. She smacked herself, but it didn't jar her awake, so she figured she wasn't dreaming. Her body stiffened, and Jade opened her eyes, a smile playing across her face.

"I find it very interesting how worked up you get when I'm close to you. You really do have a thing for me, don't you?" She teased, taking Almandine's chin between her thumb and forefinger.

"I'm so drunk." Almandine blubbered, watching the other woman cautiously. She thought Jade hated her, she thought she made the other woman sick. What exactly was she playing at, toying with her the way she was, flustering her, teasing her, laying so close to her...

"So, what does that mean? You want me to leave? I can go back if you want."

"No." She said a little too quickly, sounding desperate and pushy. Jade ran her thumb across Almandine's lower lip, and they parted, as she released a sigh. This woman was enjoying teasing her, and she fluttered at the idea of spending a night with her.

"What is it that you want? I really want to hear you say it. You've been watching me for a while, and I'm really interested to know what you're thinking. Have you ever made love with a woman? Is it just some weird kink for you? I know you slept with Jason, and a few others have mentioned how wild you are in bed."

She wanted to know what she wanted? Her thoughts? She had never 'made love', per say. Usually situations like this ended up in quick, wordless sex, where she never talked to the other person again afterwards. She was stumped, she couldn't form words to tell her what she wanted, but also there was a fear there, a fear of being too vulnerable, of scaring her away, of coming off too desperate or too strong... A fear that Jade's expectations of how she should act were too high. It was true though, when it came to sex, Almandine hadn't been so picky before.

"Let me help you." Jade pressed her body against Almandine's, and pushed their lips together, her lips as soft as she had imagined; the other woman nibbled on Almandine's bottom lip, and pulled back, watching her with a glimmer of laughter in her eyes.

"You are one... interesting person, Almandine." Jade laughed, pulling her face in for another kiss. This time Almandine hoisted her up on top of her, and stayed laying on her back. She placed her palm against Jade's bare stomach, and slowly tread upwards ,but Jade stopped her, and pulled her hand up against her collar bone, then against her face to nuzzle her cheek against it.

Almandine was a little confused. This was turning out to be a very sensual experience, something she wasn't used to. Generally, she had quick paced sex, both sides getting their release and going on their merry ways. Jade was different. Jade caressed her neck, and ran the tips of her fingers across her sternum, tracing the lines of her tattoo delicately, before placing a soft kiss against it, and working the strings of her corset until it loosened up and she could open it. She only wore a netted long sleeve shirt on underneath. Jade licked her fingers, before pulling the gloves off with her teeth, leaving Almandine sweating at the ideas of what she was trying to do.

She even thought about what would happen if Y.D were to walk in, and catch them being so intimate; the Gang Leader wasn't very keen on the idea on intimacy, but those thoughts escaped her when Jade enveloped one of her nipples with her mouth, pressing her tongue against the netted fabric of her top. Her smaller hands squeezed the flesh of her other breast.

"I thought..." She gasped a little when Jade stopped to look up at her. "I thought you didn't like the idea of breasts being sexualized." It was a stupid thing to say, but she was drunk, and didn't filter her words very well.

"This is different. This is a moment where its okay- besides, you have beautiful breasts Almandine, don't you... like this?"

"Yes-" She breathed.

Jade went back to nibbling on her nipple, dragging her nails up against the flesh of her stomach, causing a tingling sensation to flood her core, a surprised moan escaping her lips when Jade slid further down her body, and sunk her teeth into her ribs. Almandine ran her hand through her own hair, and left it laying above her head, biting her lip as Jade teased the flesh of her hips with her tongue, causing her legs to involuntarily squeeze together.

The pace started to pick up now, especially once Almandine's pants were on the floor, and Jade was sitting on top of her, completely naked, grinding against her, finally allowing Almandine to touch her, taking in as much of her as she could with her senses. She ran her hands along her sides, becoming elated at the generous moans she elicited from the woman sitting on top of her. Jade placed her hands over Almandine's, guiding them across her neck, and up to her lips, where she planted soft kisses on them, spiking the red-heads curiosity.

Everything else was a blur to her. She remembered a couple things, like finally being able to suck on those perky breasts of Jade's, licking at those tawny nipples. She recalled Jade finding these places on her body that elicited excitement; she supposed these were erogenous zones, and found she liked it when the other woman's tongue danced circles around the flesh upon her neck.

She never wanted to forget what it was like to please Jade in return, after the other woman had brought her to her climax more than once. When Almandine was on top, she enjoyed watching Jade coil under her touch, writhing with a surprising ache of desire, and need. It was all fresh in her mind the next day, when she woke up, and Jade was still lying next to her. She snuggled into her, taking in her scent and nuzzling against her neck. It was an experience she never wanted to forget, and it was always going to be burned into her mind.

xxx

Sunday night came, and Y.D had had a small party in the mansion, offering her famous drug for everyone; and of course she indulged, she wasn't going to turn it down. Jade was gone selling drugs today, leaving Almandine alone. The drugs were messing with her head, and she didn't know what to do.

Then, Y.D received an interesting call from Jasper. She wanted to meet up with them. Before she knew it, she was standing behind the warehouses where they stashed their product, hidden in crates of fruit sent up by other countries. She was paranoid and on edge, and when Jasper showed up, wanting to face Y.D alone, she was furious, and she didn't understand why. Other than being an outright pain in her ass, Jasper had never done anything to her. _Jasper hadn't done anything to her._

So why did she find herself jolted with happiness when they tied Jasper up, and Y.D proceeded to slice her flesh open with her fabled diamond whip... The woman who's shoes she failed to fill over and over was bleeding against the wall... She had gotten up into her face, but still a fire had burned in Jasper's eyes. Those eyes, those unnatural, phosphorescent yellow eyes burned into her, and for once, Almandine had felt a small semblance of a different kind of feeling for her. What was it? Respect? A feeling she wished she could feel; because even though Jasper had laid there bleeding, and dying, she was resilient and strong, something Almandine lacked, something that made the woman her better.

She grabbed Jasper's phone off the ground and texted Lapis. It was a spur of the moment decision, and she made sure Y.D hadn't seen her do it. It wasn't a very nice message, but hopefully the girl would get her head out of her ass and make it in time to save this woman. It was the best she could do without defying Y.D outright, still protecting herself. Her fingers twitched, and she threw the phone at Jasper's feet. She retreated back against the crates, hardly able to watch anymore. She looked around her, seeing the psychotic delight upon Y.D's face, and her heart pounded against her chest, the drugs overtaking her mind again.

They had failed, and Almandine couldn't help but feel hopeful when she had seen Lapis arrive with backup. What she didn't expect was Y.D and two of her other comrades throwing her on the ground, pinning her down.

"What the FUCK just happened out there, Almandine? How did Garnet know we were there? And that BITCH with the blue hair? Yeah, you were supposed to take care of that!" Y.D screamed, stomping her foot down onto Almandine's arm, causing her to squeal out in pain. "I'm so furious with you, I should just kill you here!" Again she crushed her foot down, and Almandine felt her bone crunch unnaturally under the pressure, and her vision blackened, and she passed out.

xxx

She woke up very groggy, her vision glazed over as she realized she was lying in a hospital bed, with two hazel eyes staring back at her.

"Jade."

"You dumbass!" Jade shrieked, but regained her composure when she saw a nurse peek in at her from the hallway. The woman was crying, and Almandine felt terrible for causing her such grief.

"Why are you here?" She managed to say, never looking away from her.

"Because I care about you, you asshole..." Jade wiped her face and stood up, walking over to the window.

Jade was an odd person, Almandine thought she would never understand her. Even now, with her back to her, she was luminous, and mysterious. Almandine groaned, as an automatic pump next to her bed pumped a dose of morphine into her blood. She closed her eyes, and welcomed the void once again.

xxx

A large crowd of people had gathered in the school's courtyard, and Almandine found herself interested in seeing what all the commotion was about. There was a girl speaking into a megaphone, yelling something about abuse, and how it was not okay. She found her thoughts trailing back to Jade, and how she hadn't spoken to her at all since that day she was brought to the hospital for her arm. It hadn't been broken, but fractured enough to where she had to keep it in a sling so as to not further the damage that had been done to it. Y.D had forgiven her, but at a price, one she refused to think about.

"Lapis Lazuli, I'm in love with you!" Jasper was yelling, and Almandine came back to reality to watch the scene unfolding in front of her. Lapis ran to Jasper and was scooped up into her arms as they confessed their love for each other. Almandine felt tears streak down her face, and she quickly wiped them away before anyone could see them. Is this what love was? This shameful display she saw before her? No, she needed to stop thinking like Y.D. She thought it was... touching; but it made her feel jealous. She wanted what Jasper had, this thing they called love. Those two risked everything for each other, and through everything thrown at them, they managed to stick together. How could she ever feel something like that?

She turned on her heel and took off.

xxx

Back home, she entered her room, seeing once again, Jade was not there. She broke down, falling to her knees and clutching her chest, her mind snapping and her voice cracking. She was a terrible person, and she needed to fix it. There was only one way she could, and she scrambled to find the weapon she was looking for buried in her bottom drawer. She pulled out the silver blade and squeezed it in her hands, holding it above her chest. All she had to do was plunge it in, right? One swift movement and it would all be over, and her sins would be atoned; she wouldn't have to hurt anyone anymore.

She looked down and the knife was no longer there, and her face stung from being slapped. She reached up with her good arm and clasped a slender wrist, leading to the body of the only person she wanted to see at that moment.

"Jade... Please..."

Jade didn't speak, only helped Almandine stand up, and guided her to her bed. Almandine pulled Jade into the bed with her, and she willingly followed, snuggling up against her, letting Almandine hold her. Almandine started to sob, crying into the woman in her arms; and Jade allowed it, comforting her with her affectionate touches.

"I will never be what Y.D wants me to be. Why... didn't I see it sooner... Why did I waste all this time trying to please someone that... just doesn't care about me?" She cried.

"Almandine, let's run away. Let's leave this place, and build our own lives. Let's be ourselves, and forget the Diamond Gang and its hellish life." Jade pleaded, pressing needy kisses against her.

Almandine's breath hitched in her throat as she thought about this. It would be wonderful, but she couldn't do it. She was too afraid, too cowardly. She knew this was the last night she was ever going to spend with Jade, and for a moment, she embraced the small piece of happiness she had found.

xxx

Almandine gently sat the unconscious Jasper up against the wooden pole in one of the Diamond Gangs warehouses. She lightly dabbed at the edges of the bandaging that had quickly become soaked with Jasper's blood. Why was she so used to seeing this woman half-dead in front of her, her face so ambivalent in her silence. Jasper's eyes opened, half-way, and Almandine panicked, stumbling backwards into the darkness.

Y.D entered then, and Almandine studied their interaction with hate and anger. This time though, she didn't feel it towards Jasper, no, this time it was directed at the woman who caused everything. Once again Jasper was showing her it was okay to fight back, because what, in her eyes, was the point of life without love? Everything suddenly felt so empty to her. Her status meant nothing when your boss had no respect for you. Your money had no value, when the emotionless crap you buy doesn't fill the void in your heart where love was supposed to exist. Drugs were only a temporary relief to mask the pain, and when the effect wore off, you were left feeling twice as bad as before.

It was in that moment, watching Jasper defy Y.D, that something changed in Almandine, and she wanted to be better. She wanted to change, she wanted to help Jasper take Y.D down, but most of all, she wanted to apologize to Jade. She wanted to thank her for all she had done; she had shown her and made her see that someone cared about her, and she didn't have to act a certain way for someone to like her, because Jade, liked her for who she was; and she had thrown it all in her face.

"Almandine!" Y.D startled her and she fingered her upper lip piercing nervously.

"What?" She asked, peeking behind her Leader to see Jasper unconscious, with a stream of blood trailing down her lips, dripping off her chin and onto her chest.

"Clean this mess up and throw Jasper in the cells at the mansion."

"No." She said firmly, her fists tightening at her sides.

"Excuse me?"

"I said no."

Y.D grabbed her throat and squeezed it with enough pressure to cause her world to disappear before her very eyes.

xxx

For five days Almandine suffered in the cell with Jasper; they had a real conversation, and it felt... nice. She could sense the skepticism emanating from her, but she couldn't help that. As much as she wanted to apologize, as much as she wanted to give her excuses as to why she did the things she did, what was the point?

That alone wouldn't make up for the abuse she inflicted on Peridot or Lapis, or anyone else who got in her way. She would have to wait for an opportunity to take Y.D down and help them escape from this place too, before thinking about what she was going to do to make up for all the damage she had caused.

"No matter how many times you ask the answer remains the same! Never, you filthy piece of shit, will I ever join you!"

Y.D was stomping towards her now, and not Jasper. Why was she... She had _them_ with her... They held her still so Y.D could take her anger out on her. She only wished to die now, she wished Jasper would have suffocated her days ago.

She cowered in the corner, hurt and ashamed. She was bleeding; she felt so vulnerable, and then a warm, strong hand fell lightly against her back and she moved away instinctively, looking at Jasper with widened eyes. The woman had a warm, almost forgiving look on her face, and normally she would have felt belittled, but now...

Jasper sighed and went to move away from her, and she reached out and grabbed her hand, resting her cheek against it as she laid on the floor. She didn't understand anything that had happened lately, but she appreciated this small comfort.

"Almandine, sit up." Jasper said, and Almandine obliged, sitting up and wiping her nose, looking away from Jasper's prying stare. "Tell me, is this why you wanted to end your life?"

Her breath caught in her throat, as she dug in her shirt for her squished pack of cigarettes, dropping them on the ground. Jasper picked one up and held it between her lips, holding her hand out for the lighter. She lit it, taking a long drag before giving it back to her. She watched as the tattooed woman blew the smoke through her nostrils, still watching her with those piercing yellow eyes.

"Don't stay here Almandine, how can you let her treat you this way?"

Almandine touched her lip with her finger, and brought her hand down to look at the blood, before exhaling. Jasper didn't understand. She didn't want to tell her that she couldn't fight back, she was too weak. Yet talking with Jasper gave her courage, and she had an idea.

xxx

Her plan to subdue Y.D long enough for them to escape had worked. The fresh air filled her lungs, as adrenaline pumped through her veins, enforcing the feeling of needing to escape. She helped Jasper over the fence after sharing words with Lapis and Peridot; after disarming the electrical charge, before climbing up the fence herself. Y.D shouted obscenities at her, telling her she should have killed her when she had the chance. Maybe she should have, because she was about to have another enemy, one who was going to help make sure Y.D was taken down, for good.

"Come with us!" Jasper yelled to her, causing her heart to skip a beat. Even after everything she had done, Jasper still offered her a way out, a tempting friendship, a life filled with love.

She heard the balisong knife flipped open in Y.D's hands, and she shoved Jasper hard, stepping in front of the knife, taking it in her back. Lapis and Peridot screamed, and she dropped to the ground, too shocked to move, too scared to think about the metal weapon piercing her flesh. She felt herself lifted, and watched Jasper's face, so full of determination , and as they fled, her thoughts drifted back to Jade...

 **JADE**

She didn't want to believe it, but there was no doubt, that Almandine, was dead. She knelt next to the still warm woman and cried, holding her hand, and moving the hair from in front of her face. She had heard from one of her other higher ups, that Almandine was no longer a part of their group, and had been thrown in the dungeon with Jasper. She had aimed to save her, but when she had arrived, she was too late.

She consoled herself with the idea, that at least Jasper didn't let Almandine die alone, she had stayed next to her, finally giving her the respect she so desperately wanted.

She planted a kiss against Almandine's cheek, before rubbing her palm against her eyes and searching her surroundings quickly. Something felt off to her; she suddenly had this bad feeling, so she took off towards the mansion.

She didn't waste anytime retrieving a backpack full of her most important things. She dug through Almandine's things, but there was nothing of value in the room, nothing she wanted to keep to remember her by. She nearly started to cry again as she looked over the bed, recalling the intimate night they had spent together, when she was finally able to look past Almandine's shitty attitude and teach her how to be herself..

From under the pillow she caught a small glimpse of paper sticking out from under it, and she grabbed it. An envelope labeled 'Jade' was what she had found, and she quickly shoved it into her bag.

The whole house was empty, everything had been moved out, and she found this odd. She left out the back door, not looking back before jogging down to the river. She easily climbed up into one of the larger willow trees, taking a seat on one of the branches, her body hidden behind the hanging branches; if anyone casually walking by looked up at her, they wouldn't be able to see her.

She waited for dawn to come, napping here and there, contemplating on what she was going to do now. She had a furious hatred for Y.D for killing Almandine. She pulled the envelope with her name on it from her bag, and slid a nail beneath the glued side, carefully tearing it open so as not to harm the letter on the inside. She unfolded the paper, and began to read.

 _Jade,_

 _I'm not really so good with words as I would like to be, but I just wanted to thank you. You were right you know, when you said I was a hypocrite, and I know I can never take back those things I said to those people. All I do know, is that I can start doing better. I can formulate a plan with your help, to take Y.D down, if you want._

 _I also wanted to say I'm sorry for staring at you all the time, but you're so beautiful, and I can't find the words to tell you how I feel. I love you, Jade, and one day I hope I can tell you how I really feel._

 _Let's meet by the river, where the water crests at it's mouth, and the sunlight makes your skin glow. Is what I want to say to you, but honestly I'm too embarrassed... If this is what it means to be in love, where I can write something so... silly about you, then I'll live with it. You're a strong person Jade, and I'm so lucky to have finally been able to get to know you, even a little bit. I hope I can share this with you one day, so I can prove to you I've changed. More like, I've finally learned to be myself again. Thank you._

 _Love, Almandine Caria_

 ** _I feel a little bit better about Almandine now. Now I have a beautiful new OC to play with and will be drawing pictures of her now. Heh. Sorry for the small hiatus._**


	18. Chapter 18

Luckily for Jasper, when she called her boss, she was understanding, and listened with an open mind to what had happened to her. Out of the goodness of her heart, she told Jasper she could take an additional week off, paid in full so she could recuperate. Jasper was so appreciative of this gesture of kindness, and Lapis was also very happy to hear it.

Lapis, Jasper, and Peridot spent the next day working extra hard to catch up on their missed homework. In American Literature itself, she was expected to read an entire 600 page book, and write 4 long papers; at least 4-5 pages in length. She groaned, dropping her forehead against the tabletop inside the library.

"You're never going to finish them if you don't at least attempt to start." Peridot said, her hand dashing across her paper; writing papers was never a hassle for her.

"How about you just write them all for me, for old times sake?" She pleaded, turning her face so she could look at the blonde woman next to her. Peridot stopped writing and looked at her, and they stared at each other. Lapis, so engulfed in her pile of homework, was too busy to notice this wordless exchange.

"No." Peridot said finally, going back to the paper on the table. "I'll help you, but I'm not going to do it for you anymore. You need to learn how to do this stuff if you want to pass your finals next month, because those are something I would never be able to do for you."

Just when Jasper thought she had to actually start writing, her phone started blaring obscene heavy metal music, causing the entire population of the library to stop what they were doing, and stare at her. She grinned at them awkwardly before dashing outside to answer her call.

"Hello?"

"Jasper?" Amethyst asked; she would recognize her voice anywhere.

"Hey, what's up?" She paced back and forth in front of the library.

"I just wanted to keep you updated and tell you that Y.D and her gang have disappeared. Garnet took a group there immediately the next morning and the place was cleared out, with no sign of where they might have gone. She thinks they went 'underground', to regroup and plan their next move. She's a slippery one, that's for sure. Also, Garnet is going to leave you alone, as long as you behave yourself. Her words, not mine."

"Oh, okay. Didn't know Garnet was my Mom now, and could tell me what to do..."

"Just take it as it is Jasper, and be happy she's much more lenient than Y.D."

"Yeah, okay." Jasper was irritated now, and she had no problem letting it show through in her voice. She barely had time to talk to Amethyst, and all she ever wanted to do was talk like she was reporting off a mission to her or something. What happened to all the bullshitting and mischief they used to get into all the time? She was suddenly so distant, and it really bothered her.

"Jasper, are you okay?"

She hung up the phone and flipped it to silent mode, shoving it deep into her pocket. She knew she was acting childish, but she was afraid that if she talked to her anymore, she'd start saying angry things to her that would ruin their friendship. She plopped back down in her seat, gaining only a questioning look from Peridot, which she ignored.

"Who was that?" Lapis asked her without looking up from her paper.

"Amethyst. I'll tell you about it later."

Three hours passed and Jasper was pretty proud of herself; she had completed two of her papers. She needed a break, they all did, and she practically had to pry Lapis and Peridot away from their homework with physical force, in order to get them to take one.

"Come on you two, I'm hungry, and we've been at this for hours." She whined. Lapis and Peridot sighed, before taking care to organize their papers and stuff their things into their bags. She led the way, guiding them towards the parking lot.

"What, we can't just grab something from the food court?" Lapis asked, obviously annoyed at her. They were all on edge, the tension thick between them, like a layer of fog rolling across the fields on a summer's night. She liked to believe it was due to the stress of having so much work to do, but she was also sure it had to do with the situations they had been in.

They all sat in Jasper's little cavalier, and she took them downtown to one of her favorite diners, owned by Fryman Brothers Inc. When she parked in front of the building, Jasper and Lapis immediately got out of the car, but Peridot hesitated, fumbling awkwardly with her seat belt.

"Peri, are you coming?" Jasper asked through the window before opening the door and bending low to be at her eye level.

"Um... I..." She gave up on trying to undo the seat belt, and crossed her arms in front of her chest angrily. "Just forget it, I'll stay here."

"Oh, you need to stop with the attitude. Here, let me help you..." Jasper reached down to unbuckle Peridot, and her hands grazed against hers awkwardly. This caused Peridot's hands to spring down to attempt to release herself, rather than allow Jasper to help her. After fighting against Peridot for a minute, Jasper finally took a hold of her hands, preventing her from blockading her. After unhooking the belt, she let go of Peridot and kicked her foot angrily at the side of her car. "FUCK." She screamed, before rushing off into the diner ahead of the other two. Why the hell was Peridot acting so weird?

Today was turning out to be a shitty, depressing day. Peridot and Lapis joined her in her booth, the two of them sitting across from her; Peridot choosing the corner seat so she could hide in the corner like a scared animal hiding from it's abusive master. Before long, a tall, heftier boy with curly yellow hair appeared, passing out menus to the three of them.

"Hello there, my name is Ronaldo, and I will be your server today. Can I interest you ladies in some appetizers, or perhaps you'd like to take a minute to hear about my blog; 'Keep East City Strange'?" Ronaldo peered at them with a large grin on his face, pushing his sliding glasses back up against the bridge of his nose. None of them answered him, so he said he'd be back in a few minutes with water, and to take their order.

When Ronaldo left, Jasper couldn't help but notice Peridot's sigh of relief, or her constant fidgeting with her fingers. Lapis was staring at Jasper, and quickly looked away when she caught her gaze. What the hell was going on with these two? It was enough to drive a normal person insane with worry. Jasper already felt guilty for everything Lapis had gone through, she worried the blue-haired girl was holding some resentment towards her. She hadn't talked to her about it at all.

Ronaldo returned, and Jasper ordered a Mushroom and Swiss Burger with a side order of their famous fries. When it came to be Lapis and Peridot's turn to order, all they asked for was a glass of water. Peridot asked for a bowl of soup, but Lapis said she didn't want anything.

"Lapis," Jasper tried to say in the nicest way she could, knowing what she was going to say might trigger the smaller woman, "I haven't seen you eat since breakfast, yesterday. Don't you want something... more?"

As she expected, Lapis set her menu on the table and looked at her, eyes glistening with unexplained tears. Not eating for a week, and hardly eating for another, had ruined Lapis' appetite, and Jasper could see she was continuing to lose weight. She still had dark circles under her eyes like she had hardly slept. Jasper knew she made it through the day on coffee and energy drinks.

"I-I'll take a... a cheeseburger..." Lapis stuttered, bringing her hand to her face and resting her forehead against it.

"Lapis no, if you don't want to eat I..."

"Eesh. Don't know what's going on here, but alright, your orders will be out shortly." Ronaldo took the menus from them, before carefully walking away, hastily approaching his brother and whispering to him.

"Lapis..." Jasper took Lapis' hands into her own, and rubbed her thumbs across her palms. "Lapis talk to me. What's wrong?"

Lapis bit her lip, and her bangs fell in front of her eyes, preventing Jasper from seeing the expression on her face. Lapis had shut down, and refused to talk to her. She thought being reunited would make everything go back to normal, but she was dead wrong. A dark cloud now hung over the three of them, a psychological embodiment of the trauma they had experienced, weighing them down and stressing them all out.

When her meal arrived, Jasper shoveled it in her mouth and tried not to watch Lapis pick at her cheeseburger, obviously tormented at the idea of attempting to eat it. Every time Ronaldo popped back over with a smile upon his face, Peridot shrunk into her seat, like she was embarrassed to be here. Jasper couldn't take it anymore. She slammed her keys on the table, left enough money for the entire meal, and walked away from them, no one even bothering to protest her departure.

Normally on a day like this, there would be one person she could count on to be there, for her to let off some steam. But not anymore. She was gone now, and Jasper found herself running into a flower shop, and buying a single peach colored rose. She stared at the delicate flower sitting carefully between her large, calloused hands, reminiscent of the peach tones of Lapis' skin. Lapis... She had no idea what to do about that girl, instead of this incident bringing them closer together, it had felt like someone drove a wedge in between them, driving them further apart.

Jasper stopped at the spot she had left Almandine's body, and knelt down, seeing somebody had left a bouquet of red roses there. She wondered if someone else knew of Almandine's fate, someone else who shared this burden of knowledge with her. She laid her peach colored rose on the ground next to the bouquet, and closed her eyes, allowing the built up tears behind her lids to spill forth; her voice creating an audible whimpering sound. The lady at the flower shop told her the peach rose was symbolization for appreciation and grattitude. Almandine had been in her life long enough to leave an impression on her soul, leaving this odd void behind that Jasper didn't know how to fill.

Every night since Almandine's death, Jasper had woken up in a sweat, her death haunting her; her green eyes burning into her with a sickly sweet desperation. Maybe if she had someone to share these feelings with... But she didn't want to burden Lapis with her problems. Lapis already had enough to deal with in the first place. She didn't know what to do, she felt so lost, and so afraid. She breathed; and sat down in the grass, taking her weight off her knees, which were already bruised from sitting on them for hours on end when she was held by Y.D.

"I just don't get it Almandine," Jasper said quietly, fingering the soft petals of the rose in front of her, "I just... I know you said you saved me because you respected me, but it still doesn't explain to me why you would take a knife for me, knowing you were probably going to die the minute that knife entered you. It was such a selfless act, the first time I'd ever seen you do something that didn't end in your self preservation and I... You have my gratitude. I just wish I could repay you somehow. Also, I meant what I had said, you could have come with us... Why didn't you come with us... It would've taken some time but, I know I could have learned to forgive you. No, I _do_ forgive you."

Jasper wiped her eyes with the fabric of her t-shirt, and checked her surroundings, seeing no one. She was alone, left to sit and wallow in her sorrow by herself.

There was something else she had noticed, and it was really bothering her just as much as Almandine giving her life to save her. She wondered if Lapis knew this, or if she was acting out on pure instinct. What she had noticed was her girlfriend's new, strong affinity for Peridot, a relationship that made Jasper nervous and extremely weary. She had to have a small understanding for it, because they were locked up together in one room with no one but each other to comfort one another. But this relationship had stretched out well beyond normal boundaries, well, normal for her at least.

Peridot, as far as Jasper had been told, had planned to move back into her dorm. Without Almandine to worry about, and when Jasper tells her the news about Y.D going 'underground', there shouldn't be anything left to keep her hanging around at her apartment. Yes, she cared about Peridot, but Jasper didn't find it appropriate that she... continued sleeping in the same bed as her and Lapis. For one, there was absolutely no privacy. For two, she was... jealous at how clingy Lapis had become to Peridot. It was her job, Jasper's, to comfort Lapis in this dark time, and yet Lapis was mentally closed off to her, subtly surpassing her intimate gestures to spend more time with Peridot.

Was Lapis not interested in her anymore, now that Peridot had seemingly replaced her?

This is what happens every time she gives her heart to someone. She shows vulnerability, and they walk all over her, moving on and finding something better for them. She was really starting to believe that Peridot _was_ a better choice; you wouldn't find her running off to pick fights with street gangs and coming home with new scars and bruises every other day.

She touched the scabbed over scar across her eyebrow, feeling it stretch down across her nose and under her right eye; a constant reminder of Y.D's obsession with toying with her prey. She supposed she should be happy the Gang Leader liked to mess around and exert her dominance over everything, otherwise, she'd probably be dead. Like Almandine.

Ugh, even in her death that red-haired woman was going to continue to torment her.

She closed her eyes, the silence causing her ears to ring, and she thought of nothing. When she opened her eyes she had come to a small peace, inwardly promising to avenge Almandine and claim vengeance over Y.D. It was all she could do to stay sane. Having someone give their life to protect you was no joke, and she was never going to forget this second chance she had been given.

 **LAPIS**

Lapis didn't know what to think of Jasper's outburst at the diner. She was confused at her actions, and hoped the muscular woman had stayed safe, wherever she had decided to go.

Taking a guess that Jasper had wanted to be alone, Lapis drove her and Peridot home; neither one of them saying much to the other. She started to wonder how things had become so awkward between the three of them; they hadn't sat down to speak at all since... Since the night they had come home. Even then they hadn't really talked, only cuddled. Lapis found the nightmare's were kept at bay as long as she knew Peridot was there, safely next to her in their bed. It was a lot to cope with, especially when it came to her lack of desire o keep herself nourished. Every time she looked at food she wanted to throw up, and she knew it was wrong but, it was her body's natural reaction to it now.

Peridot sat next to her on the couch, and handed her a peeled banana. She took it, breaking off a small chunk, and putting it in her mouth, slowly chewing it before swallowing. At first it seemed fine, but sure enough her stomach rebelled and she ran to the bathroom, just in time, making it to the toilet before she vomited all over the floor.

"Are you okay?" Peridot asked, knocking on the door.

"It's nothing, I'm fine." She lied, picking herself up and flushing the toilet. She fumbled with the toothpaste and her toothbrush, eager to get the taste of vomit out of her mouth. She caught her reflection in the mirror and froze, dropping the tube of toothpaste right into the sink.

She was almost horrified at herself; she could hardly recognize the woman in the mirror, so thinned and so sickly looking. She started to hyperventilate, her legs giving out as she collapsed onto her knees, knocking all her bathroom toiletries onto the floor.

Peridot opened the door and saw her sitting there, her body shaking, her lips quivering. She could only imagine the fear Jasper must have felt when she asked her to eat more, she was practically wasting away.

"Peridot." She gasped, grabbing hold of the blonde girl's forearms and pulling her down to the floor next to her. "Peridot I don't know what to do... Every time I try to eat I get sick and puke. What if Jasper decides I'm too ugly for her, what if she wants a little more meat on my bones?"

"Lapis relax; breathe. Jasper is going to love you no matter what size you are.. You're just going through a really rough patch, and honestly, I really think you need to seek help. Don't take offense I just, I don't think we can give you the support you need; you need a professional, and you need to stop avoiding Jasper. Silence isn't going to solve your problems."

Peridot was talking to her, but Lapis' thoughts were elsewhere, and she couldn't sift through them properly. The idea of Peridot taking her away to a shrink and leaving her alone was enough to cause her to freak out again, reaching her fingers into her hair and pulling it until tears formed in the corners of her eyes. Of course Peridot hadn't exactly said she was going to take her away to a crazy house, but she couldn't help but feel like it was where she belonged. She wanted to scream, she wanted to release all this pent up emotion...

She looked back past Peridot, and saw Jasper sitting on the edge of the bed, her arms resting limp upon her knees; her head hung low on her shoulders. Her large, wild hair cast a dark shadow over her face, hiding her expression. Was she pissed? Or was she sad? How long had she been sitting there, watching her emotional breakdown? She was embarrassed, and ashamed, for letting herself mentally crash again. Why was it so hard for her to be happy?

She slowly, and carefully stood up from the bathroom floor, and made her way towards Jasper, who lifted her head up, upon her arrival. Lapis forgot Peridot was there too, momentarily lost in a strange staring contest with the larger woman in front of her.

"I can't get her out of my head." Jasper said first, her eyes shifting to look past Lapis rather than directly at her. "Also, while we're all here, what is your relationship with Peridot?"

Lapis heard a snort behind her, and turned to see Peridot covering her mouth, trying so hard not to laugh. This was a completely serious question, somehow she had unintentionally succeeded in making Jasper feel insecure about their relationship. Maybe Peridot had finally cracked too, she couldn't imagine she was perfectly fine, maybe this was how she was trying to cope with everything that had happened.

"I like Peridot. A lot." She said, turning around and shutting the bathroom door, stifling Peridot's inappropriate giggling. She faced Jasper again, coming close to her and climbing up onto her lap, facing her so they could have each others full, undivided attention. "I... may even love Peridot." Lapis said, gripping Jasper's shoulders, and sitting up on her knees, so their faces were level. Jasper was patiently waiting for her to complete her sentence, but she wanted to study her a little longer.

"You... You love Peridot..." Jasper reiterated, her bottom lip twitching as she tried to keep it all together.

"Yeah." She grazed her lips against the apex of Jasper's neck, feeling the pulse of her girlfriends blood pumping beneath her lips. She didn't even know why she was doing this, her body felt like it was on autopilot. "In a, I'd totally have a threesome with you, but then never talk to you again sort of way."

Lapis sat back and watched Jasper's entire body blush. Lapis wondered what she had thought about _that_ particular statement. It was true, she had developed some feelings for Peridot but, how could anyone that had been in her situation not become attached? She didn't know what sort of feelings they were. All she knew was she had made Peridot into something comforting and familiar. She mentally punched herself when she realized it was what a _friend_ was. A very close friend. You could love your friends, right? She of course, was teasing about the threesome, trying to break the ice and bring light to the tension between all of them.

"Jasper, are you okay? I'm sorry I just... had this overwhelming urge to tease you..."

Jasper's lips cracked into a smile, and she hugged Lapis, falling backwards onto the bed, pulling Lapis with her. How good it felt, to break the ice again and be able to laugh; it was a much needed commodity she had missed. Jasper and her could have a conversation about Peridot at later date.

"Guys, if you're gonna do it, can I at least get out of your bathroom, please?" Peridot called, cracking the door open and peering at them nervously.

"We're not doing it, Peridot." Jasper groaned, unabashed by the constant kisses Lapis was placing along her neckline, lost in the moment.

"That's it, I'm really going to move back to my dorm room, this is... too much." Peridot covered her face and stumbled into the living room.

"On a serious note, I'd really like us to go see Rose... Don't give me that look, Jasper. I know she can help us get past this... roadblock that Y.D and Garnet have set between us. Maybe afterwards..." Lapis said coyly, rubbing her leg up against Jasper's, allowing her skirt to ride up on her back.

"How about... right now." Jasper gripped Lapis' ass, and leaned in for a real kiss. Lapis stopped her, placing her hand over her lips.

"How about you wait. Please." Lapis sighed, sitting back without resistance from Jasper.

"Alright." Jasper whispered, barely audible.

"I'm going to.. call Rose."

xxx

Lapis and Jasper sat waiting at Rose's office; Lapis holding Jasper's hand tightly, trying not to survey the others sitting there, waiting for their appointments with the two other therapists that also worked at this building. She was used to the unsolicited staring from people who weren't used to seeing a same-sex couple, but today she felt completely overwhelmed by it all.

She watched a younger, taller woman with a clipboard leave her office and look out among the group of people waiting. Lapis recognized her as Dr. Hanna Opal, a specialist in child psychiatry. Lapis liked how genuinely kind she looked, with her amber colored skin and her dark, burgundy colored hair. One thing she couldn't look away from was how beautifully bright her eyes were, and they were a pale baby blue.

"Lapis!" A familiar voice said her name, and she looked up to see Steven smiling at her, and waving from behind the front desk. Sitting next to him on his right was his girlfriend, Connie Maheswaran. Lapis ignored Steven, still holding resentment towards him. She knew he thought he was trying to help but... Oh shit, him and Connie were coming towards them now.

"Hi, Lapis. I've heard so much about you!" Connie said, smiling and shaking Lapis' hand. She then turned to Jasper and also offered her her hand. Jasper took it and shook it. "You must be Jasper, nice to meet you, too."

"Hi." Lapis and Jasper responded halfheartedly.

"Lapis how have you been?" Steven interceded, trying to gain her attention with his big, goofy smile. She wasn't going to give in.

"Obviously not well. Since I'm y'know, here to see your Mom. Maybe you could, I don't know, back off for a bit. It's kind of awkward, you talking to me as if nothing ever happened." Lapis snapped at them.

Steven's face loosened, as he became disheartened. He took Connie's hand and pulled her away, hiding his face behind a magazine while he sat at the front desk. The door to Rose's office opened, and Rose stepped out.

"Lapis Lazuli? Oh there you are. Please come in dear."

"Jasper, come with me, please." Lapis said, standing up, still holding Jasper's hand. Jasper nodded, and followed, no one telling her it wasn't her turn, no one trying to stop her.

Lapis took a seat on her favorite chair, allowing Jasper to let go of her hand and sit back in the corner, giving her some space. She relaxed, or tried to, she couldn't seem to quell the thumping of her heart in her chest.

"Lapis." Rose smiled warmly, her thick curls framing her face in a halo, bringing out the patches of pink blushing skin, and smiling, dark eyes. "It's so good to see you but, I'm afraid I'd be lying if I told you you look well. Please, tell me what's going on in your life."

Just like with every other session she'd had with Rose, the words poured out, leaving no detail out of her story. She even forgot Jasper was still in the room with them. Rose dropped her pen and rested her chin onto her delicate hands, nails perfect, painted a pretty magenta color. Lapis couldn't look away, becoming completely focused on them.

"I guess I just, I thought Jasper had died, and I didn't want to live anymore. Now when I see food, it makes me absolutely disgusted... She's such a great person Rose, I wish... I wish people could see her the way I see her."

"I'm very disappointed in Garnet." Rose said, bringing one of her hands up to her brow, and rubbing the flesh there like she was trying to stop a headache from coming on. "First and foremost Lapis, I want to apologize to you. On behalf of all of us, Crystal Gang and its supporters. What you were put through was completely unacceptable... It made you feel like you were suffocating, like you had no other choice..." Rose's voice choked up, and Lapis saw the woman start to cry, which made her feel like crying as well.

"It's not your fault Rose..." Lapis said, shifting her weight in her chair, unsure whether or not she should continue talking or not.

"On a side note, let's talk about how you're coping, now that you and Jasper have reunited. There is no judgment here from me, but if anything I ask is too uncomfortable for you to answer, please feel free to tell me. Have you and Jasper talked about your experiences, and what happened to you?"

"I mean, a little... but... She knows the basics, its so hard to explain in words what exactly I felt, and I don't want to bring her down, or push her away with my... illness..." Lapis admitted, twisting the fabric of her skirt between her fingers.

"I see. How has your... intimacy been? It's been a few days since the incident, correct?"

Lapis blushed, too ashamed to admit to Rose that they hadn't been intimate at all, except for her nervous teasing, which of itself still felt plenty awkward to her.

"To be honest," She spoke quietly, "It's been nearly non-existent. It's been five days since the incident." She paused, watching Rose's face, but it didn't change, and she didn't seem to want to add anything, so Lapis took a breath and continued. "It would be a lie if I said the things Garnet told me about Jasper didn't bother me. I started to picture this hateful, enraged side of her, something I've not really been exposed to. I know I shouldn't let those things bother me but... I don't know. Sometimes, I wonder what part I truly play in all of this. Am I a hindrance? Am I a tool for these gangs to use as they wish to achieve their goals? I feel like a tool..."

"Those are all very good points Lapis, and I can understand why you feel that way. Jasper, would you like to address any of these questions?"

Oh shit. She really had forgotten Jasper had come in with her. Talking with Rose had been so natural, and she really hoped she hadn't hurt Jasper's feelings with what she had said. Her body stiffened when Jasper took a seat on the floor in front of her, her back to Rose, and her eyes directly on Lapis.

"I think it's safe to say that, these people, Y.D and Garnet, _do_ see you as a tool to better their goals, and they're going to continue trying to hurt you, to get at me. If you don't feel safe, please, do what you think is necessary. You don't owe me anything. I just want you to be happy." Jasper was firm with her words, and Lapis was appreciative, although she was taking time to process what she had said.

"Jasper..."

"I never wanted you to find out about my past the way you did, if at all. I knew it would be a burden on you, and there isn't a day that doesn't go by, where I wish I could take it all back. Sapphire didn't deserve what happened to her, not at all. But I can't do anything now... She's gone, and I'm still here, attempting to atone for my sins..."

Lapis took a deep breath, leaning forward in her chair and moving Jasper's bangs from in front of her face, tucking it behind her ear. She had forgotten about the new scar on her face, but she didn't think it ugly; only something to accentuate the street-hardened beauty she had come to love.

"I think the best thing you two can do for now, is go home; talk to each other. Communication, one of the hardest things to maintain in any relationship; trust me I know, is key here. Spend tomorrow together, and if you still feel lost, come see me again. Now, Jasper, you have an appointment with me as well, please take a seat on the chair and we'll get started.

 **JASPER**

Jasper rose to her feet, and Lapis took her seat in the back, leaving Jasper feeling completely awkward and a little embarrassed. She shook her hand through her hair, wondering why she hadn't bothered to take a shower; she knew she smelt bad, she couldn't stop smelling herself through the heavy mist of this woman's perfume.

"Hello, My name is Rose Quartz-Universe. Lapis didn't say much on the phone, what seems to be ailing you?" Rose asked, a smile lighting up her face, overall warming up the aura of the room. Lapis was right, this woman had her way of making you feel comfortable.

A lot of things ailed Jasper on a daily basis, but the one thing she couldn't cope with, threatened to destroy her.

"Almandine Caria, is what ails me." She said, leaning back in the chair and crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Oh? That's the same woman who harasses Lapis on a daily basis, am I wrong? I once suggested to her she report that woman to the proper authorities-"

"Well, that wouldn't help, considering she's dead."

Rose's face went pale.

"She... What?"

"She died protecting me from Y.D. I don't even care about the isolation, or the being tied up thing. I don't care that Y.D got the best of me, or gave me even further reason to wanna kick her ass. No. You want to know what's been plaguing my waking thoughts? Hounding me in my nightmares? The fact that people can be treated the way she was, no matter how hard she worked to impress Y.D; and no matter how much I had hated her... I saw her in her final moments. I saw what I thought to be her true self, and she... She proved it when she took a knife for me and I... feel guilty that she's dead and I'm still here." Jasper was practically shouting at Rose now, going from a calm, collected state of mind to one of anger, loathing, and frustration.

She bit back her tears; she was so sick of crying. Crying was something she was becoming more frequently accustomed to, and it was something she didn't want to do anymore. She closed her eyes tightly, stubbornly still trying to keep the tears back. Too bad she was failing miserably at it.

Then, her face was buried against a large, soft chest, and she gave in, wrapping her muscular arms around the plush woman, allowing herself to be comforted by her. Why did hugging her feel so good?

"What you are experiencing is called Survivor's Guilt, Jasper. You're already taking the right steps towards healing. You've acknowledged your feelings, now you need to recognize they are a normal reaction to your more... uncommon circumstances. I know it feels like its your fault Almandine died, but it's not." Rose pushed back on her shoulders and looked at her lovingly, and Jasper just wanted to melt back into her and continue to cry.

They kept talking for another half an hour, before they had to leave so someone else could find their own solace in talking with the pleasant woman. Jasper thanked her, and took Lapis' hand, and they walked out together; again ignoring the stares they received.

Inside Jasper's car, was where the true test would occur.

"I'm really glad you made me come here today. It was nice, getting that all off my chest." She said, fiddling with the black knobs of the radio.

"Jasper, I want to get a tattoo. Take me to the tattoo place tomorrow, please?" Lapis said, ignoring what she had said.

"What, you want a tattoo, why?"

"I just.. really want one."

"If you really think you want one, I'll take you."

"I really do."


End file.
